So the mkt is open, and I am at work, and I am actually doing work... but I have a bit of free time as well. So "Black Friday" seems like a good idea. I have been reading a bunch of stories about mad rushes and people camping out since yesterday to get in and buy shit they don't actually need at a deep discount. My time is worth something, and so is my dignity. If you need that 20% discount on the flat screen bad enough to camp out... you probably should put your money in a savings account and earn the 4%. That's real money in your pocket people. Can you imagine the crush of 1 million overweight people riding rascals w/ and oxygen tank strapped to the back at your local Walmart this morning?! F*ck that! I'd rather be here getting run over by some rogue Wall Street fat cat pushing the CMBX index lower in low liquidity so they can make money at the rest of our expense!
So I was chatting w/ my brother, sister, and her boyfriend and we got on the topic of hunting. The conversation moved into illegal poaching, and flashing your headlights at deer, and scarring them out of wildlife refuge areas, and other breaches of hunting etiquette. It being the holidays and all, I got to thinking about how Santa corralled his deer. Imagine a scene where a bunch of elves run through a field making a bunch of noise and flashing their lights, leading the reindeer right to that fat bastard Santa!
Santa: "All right you son's of bitches... get in the wagon! Don't make me shoot you, 'cause I will! Mrs. Clause loves good deer meat! On donner, on dasher..."
Dasher: "But my name is Steve..."
Santa:"It's Dasher you piece of shit... get used to it!"
Dasher:"Well, I am not so sure..."
BLAM!!!!!
Santa:"Ok, you... now you are Dasher!"
DasherII:"No Problem!"
Santa:"Yeah, you too Ted Kennedy... get your ass and your big red nose in the wagon! I'm going to call you Rudolph you goofy looking turd!"
Rudolph:"I have a gland problem that makes my nose red, it's not my fault..."
Santa:"Boo hoo hoo... I have the world's smallest violin in the wagon playing just for you, go check it out! Now on Blitzer, on Ho Ho Ho... I am going to call you Slutty! Stop sniffing that other deer's butt and get in the wagon! Do you have any idea how much shit I have to do tonight?!"
Is this really bad? Am I a bad person?
So I was chatting w/ my brother, sister, and her boyfriend and we got on the topic of hunting. The conversation moved into illegal poaching, and flashing your headlights at deer, and scarring them out of wildlife refuge areas, and other breaches of hunting etiquette. It being the holidays and all, I got to thinking about how Santa corralled his deer. Imagine a scene where a bunch of elves run through a field making a bunch of noise and flashing their lights, leading the reindeer right to that fat bastard Santa!
Santa: "All right you son's of bitches... get in the wagon! Don't make me shoot you, 'cause I will! Mrs. Clause loves good deer meat! On donner, on dasher..."
Dasher: "But my name is Steve..."
Santa:"It's Dasher you piece of shit... get used to it!"
Dasher:"Well, I am not so sure..."
BLAM!!!!!
Santa:"Ok, you... now you are Dasher!"
DasherII:"No Problem!"
Santa:"Yeah, you too Ted Kennedy... get your ass and your big red nose in the wagon! I'm going to call you Rudolph you goofy looking turd!"
Rudolph:"I have a gland problem that makes my nose red, it's not my fault..."
Santa:"Boo hoo hoo... I have the world's smallest violin in the wagon playing just for you, go check it out! Now on Blitzer, on Ho Ho Ho... I am going to call you Slutty! Stop sniffing that other deer's butt and get in the wagon! Do you have any idea how much shit I have to do tonight?!"
Is this really bad? Am I a bad person?
2 comments:
I never thought of the reindeer being coerced into pulling that sleigh around, but looking at the amount of work it would take to pull Santa's fat ass and a load of toys around, it makes sense- no one would volunteer to do that.
Santa Claus is a huge bastard. Who knew?
no such thing as a free lunch!
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