Happy Turkey Day!

Yeah, it is pretty slow here right now. Phone is not ringing, email is dead, I am bored w/ the Internet (well, the parts I can read at work anyway). So here we are. I like Thanksgiving, it is by far may favorite meal. I love stuffing and gravy, dig turkey, potatoes... the whole kit and kaboodle really. So have a safe and happy holiday and I will try to muster up a complete critique of my mother's ability to host a holiday!! Just kidding.

be afraid... be very afraid!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZenBt8Q5KNM

Left to my Own Devices!

Well, I made it through another solo weekend alive... although I did spend alot of time sleeping on the living room couch as opposed to my bed. On the upside, I made a lovely French Cabbage soup from the "Joy of Cooking" on Saturday. A real step up from the usual Mac n Cheese. It went swimmingly w/ a martini . Couple quick reviews from the weekend for your viewing pleasure.

I was still pretty freaked out from the Bruno experience and was a little shy about getting back on the pay per view saddle. Well, after soup and said martini I took a chance on the Michael Cera/Jack Black epic Year 1. You know what? It was actually funny. Not great, but pretty funny. I mean, it had alot of Michael Cera doing awkward, and Jack Black doing Jack Black things but it was a little more mellow than some of their more recent adventures. I would recommend it once it comes out on HBO. One slightly drunk premium cable thumb up.

Sunday, I was tired of being home and had some errands to run anyway so I cruised into Burlington for lunch and some football. Quick aside, why do so many types of jeans have ass pockets that hang at the back of my knees? I could hide a laptop in those things. Plus they look ridiculous. But I digress. I decided to give Bistro 156 a fair chance chow wise and it seemed like a reasonable spot to catch a game, they have 6 or 7 TVs w/ all sorts of football. Surprisingly enough I was the only one there when I walked in at 1PM. Yeah, I got pretty prime bar real estate, kind of like buying a condo in Miami these days I guess. Anyway, soon after I sat down the bar filled up and so did a couple of tables in the open bar area. The dining room stayed empty for the duration. I went the safe route and ordered a bistro burger and a Switchback. Right away I noticed that the beer was cold which was a huge plus from the last time I was there. The service was prompt (and sweaty). The burger was pretty good, it was cooked w/ Worcester sauce and Gorgonzola cheese. I don't know if it was medium as I asked but I don't mind medium well so we were good. Good roll, very solid fries. It was solid. When the two wanna be Euro-trash oil money yeah this is my new haircut freaks sat next to me and started talking to each other and their cell phones at the same time I knew it was time to leave. It was kind of funny, the one dipshit ordered a Grey Goose and cranberry but instead got a GG and grapefruit juice. Cranberry and grapefruit do not really sound anything alike but whatever. So the bartender talks to assclown into a splash of cranberry and the new concoction was on the house. So when D-Bag numero deux sits down he asks what his friend is drinking, The bartender explains what his new creation is w/out mentioning his F-up and the friend does not mention it either. So D-Bag number 2 says... "Ok, that looks good, I will have one". Yeah, expensive vodka and 2 bitter fruit juices all mixed together sounds great. It sounds like you raided your parents liquor cabinet in high school you moron! Maybe it was hush money but the bartender gave me my second beer on the house. So to be fair, my experience at Bistro 156 was not bad... 1 1/8 thumbs up.

Jay About One of the WORST Movies EVER!!!

So my special lady headed to NYC yesterday and you know what that means... Jaybird gets to eat pizza, have a few beers, and watch whatever movies I like in my underwear! Yeah I know, it is an image that may be NSFW but I like to write on the bleeding edge of appropriateness. Anyway, last night the movie du-jour was the follow up to a very funny Borat, entitled Bruno. Jeez, I have seen less wiener in porno. This was one long very unfunny gay joke. To be fair, I am no stranger to such tasteless humor but this was really never funny. The movie was forced, poorly written, and lacked the freshness of the Borat movie. What was great about that was the mostly harmless humor that pointed out how ridiculous we all are and how people in general tend to take themselves too seriously. This movie, was gross, and often times quite vicious. Plus there was too much wiener. It was like Joey Chestnut at Coney Island. I am giving it 2 thumbs down and a disapproving head shake. I watched a second movie to make the badness go away. Film Numero Deux-o? Turistas! This was a movie I went into w/ low expectations and was mildly surprised. Save for one really gross scene, the rest was a somewhat classic horror movie that captured its horror from suspense rather than gore. Plus, following the age old formula, there were several hot girls cruising around in bikinis! Jackpot!! So if you want to watch a crappy mindless movie, do yourself a favor and try out Turistas... 1/2 a thumb nearly sliced off!!!

New Profession

I have decided to become a fake werewolf! My special lady and I were flipping through channels last night and ran across what seemed like an inordinate amount of shows about vampires? One was about the "vampire culture", another was top 10 vampires in movies and TV, I am sure more than a couple random crappy vampire TV shows like True Blood or Buffy the Vampire Slayer were somewhere in the mix. The one show that really got me was the one about vampire culture. All these nerds were dressed up like vampires w/ fake hair and makeup and fangs and I got to thinking... why couldn't I jump on the fake werewolf bandwagon ahead of the rush?! I mean the new movie is coming out soon w/ Benicio del Toro, and they are gaining prominence in that stupid teen vampire movie. A TV show is soon to follow on HBO and then BAM!!!! Werewolf mania!!! I will dress up like a furry werewolf. I will start a website for people who think they are a werewolf and want to get into the lifestyle. Next thing you know, I will be on some A&E special. DON'T STEAL MY IDEA!!!!! Werewolf.

yup, winter is here

Here in lovely Burlington, VT we have had a 70 degree shift in temperature today. It was 20 degrees at 7AM and is hovering in the low 50s mid afternoon. Layers? Yeah, I guess so. How come nobody has shivved those 9/11 guys in prison yet? Sure they get the child molesters and the skin heads, and maybe even Bernie Madoff but not the guys who flew planes into buildings and killed thousands of Americans? We can't get a Lee Harvey type guy to sort that out? Seriously?! How does Derek Jeter keep winning Gold Glove awards? This year he had by all accounts his best year in the field... that's right, he moved up into the realm of "adequate". Congratulations! Who finished second, David Ortiz? He is a pretty nice guy, and I am quite sure I saw him w/ a baseball glove in the dugout one time. Is Wild Turkey ever the right thing? I vote No. Hey, want an exclusive on Sarah Palin's new book? "I am a moron like most other politicians. Further I am incredibly ungrateful for the opportunity that McCain gave me that I so obviously did not deserve! Will I try to wedge my way back into the public's conscience? Sure will, most of America is even more of a dullard than I am!!! Who wants an elk pot pie?! You betcha!!" Who gives a shit who shot Nidal Hasan? I am pissed they didn't kill that piece of crap. When can we at least stop pretending that Iran is not f*cking w/ us?? It is getting a little ridiculous. Here is another advanced preview... this one for the movie 2012, IT BLOWS!!! That should be on the poster. I got suckered into watching Private Practice Last night, yeah, that was super uplifting.

OK, so what is right w/ the world? Well, there is water on the moon... that is something. The economy seems to have gotten out of its tailspin. That is also something. Andrew Bynum is finally showing a little something on the court. That is something. Kamchatka Bears... they are always something! We got some really delicious salmon from a good friend in Alaska, that is something special. Having a fun dinner w/ friends, wine , and that salmon... also something special. So there is that.

Sesame Street is 40!

Plenty of anniversaries this week... Berlin Wall fell 25 years ago, Sesame Street is 40, it is the 1 day anniversary of by beet stained poop that freaked me out pretty bad for like 10 seconds. But back to Sesame Street, that was a great show. I learned how to say agua (but not spell it), and count in Spanish to 4. Of course, it was the great Jerry Remy who taught me how to say Good afternoon, and good evening in broken Spanish. I liked Cookie Monster and Oscar the Grouch best but Snufalumpagus was a dark horse favorite. I also liked the way it was a little dirty on Sesame Street. Very authentic, seriously... they don't teach Spanish from garbage cans on 5th Ave.

Anyway, here is a little gem. 2 actually.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21OH0wlkfbc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-Wd-Q3F8KM

Jay About Chamonix

Yes, that's right, it is the stunning finale of the French extravaganza!!! Heading out of Burgundy we took a really beautiful drive up and into the mountains South and East of Burgundy. Wonderful small towns dotted the hillsides as we cruised the winding roads. Bridges high above valleys? Check! Tunnels through the hills? Check!! Mi scusi!! Finally, we cruised into Chamonix. Now, Chamonix is not really much different than any other ski town. It is filled w/ dooshy ski/snowboard bums. Those clowns that don't really like to work and prefer to give you dirty looks even though you are sustaining their lifestyle. Even better in Chamonix? The combo douche factor incorporated by ski-bum crossed w/ French guy! It is like the nexus of the douche universe. All of the furry coats, silly boots, and farked up sunglass hat combo in 60 degree weather you can handle bro!

OK, enough of that. The countryside itself is beautiful. Huge spruce and pines line the foothills, that climb into sheer rocky cliffs and then rise even higher to snow capped peaks at Mont Blanc. Really stunning! Our lodgings were Chalets de Philippe.. http://www.chaletsphilippe.com/ and it was cool as all get out! Yeah yeah, another score for my special lady. It was like cruising into a gingerbread town on a hill. We had this amazing little chalet that was small but probably more well appointed than my house. Great shower, clean crapper, comfortable bed, flat screen TV, Hermes bath products. Of course we had a view from our deck of the valley and Mont Blanc. Oh yeah, there was a spa across the walk w/ hot tubs, steam room, sauna. Pretty cool. Oh yeah, there was also a sick screening room w/ large screen and a "prototype" HD projector not even sold in stores because it is too high end. Awesome!

we spent our couple days in the Alps rolling out the door and then doing amazing hikes w/ great views, straight up trails, a few rails and ladders... glaciers. Really amazing. Clean air. I just can't say enough how cool it was. We then cruised home and used our kitchenette to make tasty pasta dishes w/ French cheese and cream and jambon... Jamb On is right my friends!!! Did I mention they proprietor would leave fresh squeezed juice and croissants for us in a little basket at out door in the mornings? That was pretty ok too. We did go out one night in town and it was pretty crappy. The only upside were the giant beers I had. Bigger than a man's head, deeper than ocean, colder than... uh, never mind, they were just big.

So there you have it. An amazing trip start to finish.