It's a 2 for...uh...er... Friday. Yeah, Friday!

So the mkt is open, and I am at work, and I am actually doing work... but I have a bit of free time as well. So "Black Friday" seems like a good idea. I have been reading a bunch of stories about mad rushes and people camping out since yesterday to get in and buy shit they don't actually need at a deep discount. My time is worth something, and so is my dignity. If you need that 20% discount on the flat screen bad enough to camp out... you probably should put your money in a savings account and earn the 4%. That's real money in your pocket people. Can you imagine the crush of 1 million overweight people riding rascals w/ and oxygen tank strapped to the back at your local Walmart this morning?! F*ck that! I'd rather be here getting run over by some rogue Wall Street fat cat pushing the CMBX index lower in low liquidity so they can make money at the rest of our expense!

So I was chatting w/ my brother, sister, and her boyfriend and we got on the topic of hunting. The conversation moved into illegal poaching, and flashing your headlights at deer, and scarring them out of wildlife refuge areas, and other breaches of hunting etiquette. It being the holidays and all, I got to thinking about how Santa corralled his deer. Imagine a scene where a bunch of elves run through a field making a bunch of noise and flashing their lights, leading the reindeer right to that fat bastard Santa!

Santa: "All right you son's of bitches... get in the wagon! Don't make me shoot you, 'cause I will! Mrs. Clause loves good deer meat! On donner, on dasher..."
Dasher: "But my name is Steve..."
Santa:"It's Dasher you piece of shit... get used to it!"
Dasher:"Well, I am not so sure..."
BLAM!!!!!
Santa:"Ok, you... now you are Dasher!"
DasherII:"No Problem!"
Santa:"Yeah, you too Ted Kennedy... get your ass and your big red nose in the wagon! I'm going to call you Rudolph you goofy looking turd!"
Rudolph:"I have a gland problem that makes my nose red, it's not my fault..."
Santa:"Boo hoo hoo... I have the world's smallest violin in the wagon playing just for you, go check it out! Now on Blitzer, on Ho Ho Ho... I am going to call you Slutty! Stop sniffing that other deer's butt and get in the wagon! Do you have any idea how much shit I have to do tonight?!"

Is this really bad? Am I a bad person?

Man, I have got a bad case of Turkey Farts!

Yup, I am triptofaning balls! Nah, I am actually at work trying to snuff out the 4 other people here by means of turkey gas induced asphyxiation. Another pretty successful Thanksgiving in the books and what have we learned? Well, it was a much smoother process at the Bird household this year. My special lady read an article in the NYTimes on how to run T-Day like a business. She took the role of CEO, made me COO (that's right, nepotism bitches!), everyone else was assigned to worker bee status. It went beautifully. Dinner was prepared well, efficiently, and we kept the house pretty clean throughout the day. So here were the highlights... Once again we rocked the brined turkey. The turkey gets soaked in a salt water and spice bath for 18 hours and then cooked. It stays moist, a little salty and a little sweet, and alot of delicious! We also brought back the potato cake, almost sans butter (thanks Grand Marnier). That is always a holiday winner, but really how could potato, butter, and 2 cheeses not work?! I must admit I bailed on the turnip though I heard they were good. I did eat the garlic fried brussel sprouts which were good. There was a great cranberry relish and awesome gravy. The gravy is also salty sweet and gets great flavor from fresh marjoram and a splash of calvados (apple brandy). My favorite is the stuffing. It is a multiple step process involving sausage, apples and parsnips sauteed in the sausage grease, and a heavy dose of onions and celery. It is sick, in a good way. Desert was the capper, w/ the now traditional individual gingerbread cakes topped w/ homemade caramel sauce and whipped cream. We also had an orange, apple, cranberry pie. Hot dog! It was a great dinner, great fun w/ family, and a nice day all around. Next stop... the shitshow we affectionately call Christmas!!!

Happy Turkey Day!!

Try to go out and conquer new lands and new peoples! Oh yeah, travel safe and have a wonderful holliday as well...

Would you say I have a plethora of pinatas?!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6E682C7Jj4

I have been giving people shit about my pinatas all day today. Probably because I am upset about something else... stupid financial markets. Sure stocks were up today. the problem is the bond market was taking it in the can! It is really an interesting tailspin. The best part is the reaction of our Treasury Secretary Paulson. He must be the dumbest "smart" guy alive. Everything he has done was too late and incredibly half assed. I am starting to think that the Bush administration is like Notre Dame football. There are hundreds of high end high school recruits every year in football. For some reason, the minute they get to South Bend Indiana... they turn into puddles and it looks like they have never played the game before. Same thing w/ the Bush White House... the moment smart people get a job there? They turn into that guy who has a hard time figuring out how to make change in a toll booth!

Another thing! Is it possible that the Bush White House will be known not for it's failures, but for bailing out on initiatives too early? TARP... they ask for a multi-billion dollar blank check, spend part of it, change course and spend another part on something else... and then leave it for the next guy to deal w/?! How about "No Child Left Behind"? More like, "No Program Fully Funded"! Boo-Yea!! Iraq? Mission accomplished! Sort of. The war on terror? We have an unmanned drone and 12 dudes in Pakistan right now hunting for a guy in the mountains that looks exactly like every other guy in the Pakistani mountains... that should work out well! Seriously, I might just move to Mexico and terrorize small towns w/ a group of banditos or something!!!

Jay About Montpelier/Randolph

Big weekend for the Birds! We had a very pleasant date night on Friday, heading over to old fave L'Amante in Burlington. We feasted on squash blossoms and beef carpaccio to start and then my lady had a very tasty pasta dish that is now escaping me and I had the gnocchi w/ slow roasted pork and tart cherries. Delicious. L'Amante is really feeling it right now. 2 thumbs up. We followed it up w/ a surprise birthday party for a friend in which they were actually surprised! Both being tired and having to get up early on Sat. we turned in pretty early.

On Saturday, my wife had to do some work for the groovy UV business school (she has a ton of pots on the burner, I am very proud). Myself on the other hand, took advantage of a rainy day and went w/ some friends to take a tour of the Switchback brewery. Switchback is a great local beer and has really made huge strides around here. It is an unfiltered brown ale w/ a nice hoppiness and a crisp finish. They only keg it and it is a very tightly held operation. The tour was very interesting but not very fun. 1 thumb up and a special what the f* after the founder slipped in an abortion reference while explaining the malting process. Hot Dog!

That evening we headed down to Randolph for the Avett Brothers concert. We stopped on the way in Montpelier for some dinner. the venue of choice? The Black Door. Several of us went w/ the soup, a bean soup that had nice flavor, and then the burger. Mine was very good although the cheddar needed to be melted a bit more. My wife's was undercooked and very rare. It did come w/ a nice garlic mayo, and some green herb spread as well as delicious fries and a decent side of greens. I thought it was good and the space is very nice. 1 1/4 thumbs up. Have to try it again to really get a good feel. Then on to Randolph! I must admit, after having lived in VT most of my 32 years and having passed the Randolph exit, 1000s of times... I have never been farther into Randolph than the Mobil just off the exit. We headed into a nice little town that was mostly shut down and set up camp in the very small and very cozy Chandler Theater. It was a great place w/ really no bad seats. To be fair, I am not as big a fan of the Avetts as my wife and had reservations about this sometime fruity band. I was way off... they were great, tons of energy, a tight sound. It was a really fun show. And the crowd! Shit!! I have NEVER seen a crowd this in tune and this fired up to see a band. These people were insane. The applause before the encore was deafening. Then one of the guys cut his hand while drumming then continued to pound the drums, absolutely pound them while bleeding all over the place. It was something. 2 big thumbs up. Apparently this band just signed w/ Columbia and is about to hit big so you may not see them in a small venue until the downside of their career where they play the Champlain Valley Fair and then What Ale's You... but in the meantime, if you have a chance to check them out, do it. Was that a long enough run on sentence? 2 thumbs way up for the Avett Brothers live, 3 thumbs up for my run on sentence!!

Jay About Top Chef!

I admit it... I like Top Chef on the Bravo channel. I really do. I got myself all set up so I could watch it uninterrupted last night. I even got a little annoyed when my wife was talking while the show was going on. It's like my love affair w/ fruity cocktails. Laugh if you want but I am ALL MAN!!! Last night's season premier was pretty good. Padma looks skinny again, the show is in NY which is a true battleground, and they have all ready built up some dram thanks to a couple Euro twerps who happen to be good chefs. One funny aside, I love it when shows have subtitles for people even when they are speaking English! They did it all through the show last night. Any hint of an accent and the speaker got subtitles. Hilarious! Oh yeah, I am also having a great time watching the financial mkts meltdown. Was speaking w/ a co-worker and I have decided to install a tollbooth on my ass because the market is driving down taint boulevard and cramming into the Jay Arse tunnel! I might as well get paid for that kind of traffic!!!!!

Uh, errr, I think I just blacked out for a second there.... happy place, happy place, happy place. I am going to go watch a Top Chef rerun, drink a Mai Tai, and eat some cookies!

Jay About Menores

So Burlington, VT is not a huge metropolis... we do not have that many restaurants in general and when a new one opens up it should be a bit of an event. Except for the fact that it is not an event. Menores opened this weekend in the old Waiting Room/Opus/Plan B space. Was it covered by the city's major paper the Burlington Free Press? Nope... they were busy checking out the Vermont Comedy Divas. I didn't see that show but judging by the size, haircuts, and outfits those "divas" were rocking... they must have been hilarious! How about our local TV media? WCAX? Nope, they are busy perusing through the goods at the hopping local flea market. WPTZ? Uh, not exactly... but I did learn that some folks used deer urine in a protest against VT Yankee! OK, well at least 7 Days must have a leftist leaning verbal diarrhea spout out concerning the new restaurant? Yup! A 111 word dingle berry straight from the owners. Pretty obvious they did not actually eat there.

So once again it is up to your fearless reviewer Jay and his special lady A to hit the town and find out what's what! We hit the spot w/ the Biscuit and his lady J as well as new dinner and dining pals L&L. Menores does not take reservations so when we were the first to show up @ 7pm, my lady went to put our names in and I made my way to the bar. The place was busy w/ a small line forming for tables. 2 folks got up from the bar just as I walked up. Boo-Yeah! I had plenty of time to look around. The space is nice. I like the colors, I like the way the space is laid out. During dinner we would discover the tables are jammed just a tad too close together. Anywho, it took my lady about 10 minutes to get the attention of the hostess and put our names in. No problem though because none of the 5 people behind the bar had even given myself or any of the other bar patrons a glance. Of course the moment my wife sat down one of the douchebags immediately took our order. Unfortunately the Margaritas suck... too much sour mix, not enough tequila. Well, the rest of our party arrived and we were seated promptly. Dinner started w/ a few beers and a starter of goat cheese and chorizo stuffed jalapenos. They were not temperature hot but they did taste good. Onto the main course, nearly an hour later. I had the sliders and spicy cheese fries. The sliders were dry and did not have any of the "toppings of your choice" that I had chosen. The fries were very good though and were the hit of the table. My lady had the chicken enchiladas. You cannot mix and match. One kind of filling only! They were pretty good, not hot though. Overall the food was not hot and not that great. Not a big surprise as there are way too many tables for the small kitchen to handle. Oh yeah, the waitress also dumped water on J. She took it in stride though. The bill was not too onerous which was good. The table gave the meal 1/2 to 3/4 of a thumb up. It was the first weekend so we will give the place the benefit of the doubt. At the moment it is only on par w/ Madeiras food wise but the drinks are not as good. So there you have it...

http://www.menoresvt.com/

Thank Goodness I Kick Ass!!!

I hate the TGIF thing, really do. That said, I am pretty glad this week is over. Fridays are always a little something special here at my place of business. Usually, we have pizza brought in on Fridays. On some special Fridays though we get something different, and this was one of those Fridays! On the menu today? Big Fattys!!! Boo-Yeah! I ate a pulled pork sandwich w/ coleslaw. Delicious tender falling off the bone chicken. Cornbread w/ bacon. Collard greens w/ some sort of super fatty pork product. Beans w/ bacon!!! Finished it off w/ a left over Halloween tootsie roll. The perfect Friday Lunch? You bet!!! Food coma setting in? Check and mate!!!!!

Seriously, Why?!

Ok, in all fairness... I have read the first 2 Harry Potter books and enjoyed them. I did not love them (like my special lady) but I thought they were entertaining enough. I have seen several of the movies. Same story. But why in the world does Middlebury think it is a good idea to start a Quidditch revolution?! I mean, I like to think I went to a good college w/ smart people but I didn't think I was in NERDTOWN!!! AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxPYCQ2fAUs

I'll show 'em!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3njjD41f48&feature=related

Oh yeah, went back to the red Onion and had a chicken salad sandwich on honey oat bread. It was fine. This weeks tally, 1 very good, 1 adequate, 2 poor showings. Pizza Friday tomorrow!!!

OBAMAMANIA!!!!

No 2 ways about it, this is a historic moment in United States history... hard to tell if it will end up being a good thing or a bad thing for the country but it certainly is a positive step psychologically. Maybe during the next election there will not need to be any stories about how one of the candidates is half black. I mean, everyone knows what the color of your skin does to your view on economic policy, and I don't need to tell you how having a wiener changes your outlook on health care... Good for Obama though. I am nervous about plenty of the baggage that comes with the democratic majority but it is refreshing to see a young energetic guy that seems to project confidence. I have always said that 1/2 of being a leader is looking like a leader, and I think Obama fits the bill. I am cautiously optimistic.

Now on to the important stuff. I ate a cajun burrito w/ carnitas and guacamole from Boloco today. Pork was cold, beans were undercooked, and the rice was lumpy. The food at Boloco is kind of like the J-E-T-S this season... maddeningly inconsistent. Sometimes it is pretty good, most of the time it is average, and sometimes it is terrible. 1/2 a thumb up. So far I am 1 for 3 on decent lunch this week... go Burlington!!!!

Lunchie-Munchie

Hey, it's election day! Got up a little late today and rolled into the local Charlotte polling place. No line. There were plenty of chuckleheads outside trying to smile, act friendly, and get me to vote for some person I do not know. Good luck chum...ps!!! How would you like to have the job title of "pole watcher"? HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Thanks Dick, for that gem. I voted for Jimmy-D Douglas for governor. That's all I will tell you, I am mysterious like that!!

OK, so down to business... what did I have for lunch today? Well, I was actually quite busy around noon so i went up to the Mad Hatter. It is under very recently changed ownership and the results are just a bit off. I had a turkey and cheddar on wheat. To be fair, the Hatter has always been a cheap alternative offering a lunch almost exactly like you would make at home in a rush before you ran out of the door, so you know what to expect. That said, I am not sure if it was the tomato, mayo, or pickle but something smelled and tasted a little funny and the sandwich was a little damp. GROSS. I did not finish it. I did finish my small bag of Lays BBQ potato chips though. 2 thumbs down today, poor form new ownership.

2 Posts in 1 Day? It Must Be Guy Fawkes Day!!!!

Nope, I just had a couple minutes and thought... what the shit! I was just kicking around the thought of a new feature destined for a short run... what did Jay have for lunch today? Well, funny you should ask! Today I made my way over to the Red Onion sandwich shop. Usually I make a run for the chicken salad or even roast beef but not today. My co-worker Dick and I rolled in and immediately were drawn to the special, like little kids and a shiny object. Today's special? Meatloaf sandwich on (I had wheat) w/ lettuce, tomato, bacon, blue cheese, and garlic mayo. Do you need bacon and meat loaf? Your doctor would probably advise against it. Should you have blue cheese And garlic mayo? Only if you are unimpressed with how others view your person. Is it ethical to put all of these ingredients together and sell it to the public?! F*ck NO!!! But these culinary mavericks did it anyway. Sure I had trouble breathing for 20 minutes and couldn't feel my legs for a bit. Ok, Dick had a meat loaf migraine and left early for the day (claimed he had to pick up his kid... yeah sure). It was delicious and I don't regret my decision for a moment! My wife will certainly be regretting it tonight though! BOO-YEAH!!!!!

Jay About Shelburne

my special lady and I had a nice quiet weekend if you care. Rather than wait in line for a crappy bar in a stupid costume, we went to a very nice and civilized dinner party where we sipped wine, engaged in conversation, and got a Playstation 3 demo! Saturday we woke up kind of late and hit up the grand opening Open Arms Cafe in Shelburne. The town needed a nice mellow breakfast/lunch place and this seemed likely to fit the bill. We wandered into the old building right around noon or so and were welcomed w/ a flurry of running screaming kids, a super disorganized line populated w/ morons who couldn't decide between a turkey or chicken wrap, and a staff clearly above their heads! Ok, let me back up a second... The space is very nice, like someones home. It is very well lit w/ plenty of natural light and is kept at a reasonable temperature. There is a eat in kitchen type room w/ a children's play area and the order area, as well as 2 other smaller dining rooms. You order your food at the order counter (pay now or later apparently) and then you get a table marker to take back to a table and wait for your food to be brought to you. This would work except there are too many markers for the number of tables so you could order food and then have nowhere to sit. The food is mostly organic and locally grown which is great. They also have a selection of fresh squeezed juices and several baked goods. So being the grand opening, there were several families spread around the restaurant and kids getting fake tattoos. Seth Yacavone was playing guitar and singing about 20000 decibels to loud for the time and setting. The food wasn't bad. My lady had a nice but somewhat bland turkey wrap. A little spicy mustard would have been money. I had a delicious Cuban sandwich, the bread was phenomenal. Overall I give it 1 tentative thumb up. The place could be great but it is run by admitted non-restaurant people depending on the help of friends. They are trying to run it like home but that eventually will blow up. I am giving them 6 months before their friends stop helping and they run out of money. Too bad.

Couple other things... Do you know why Ford, GM, etc... can't sell cars? The cars they are selling SUCK! Ford Focus? Really?? So, if Obama wins the popular but loses the electoral vote that will be a fun riot, no? Who is Jay About Town endorsing? Not telling. I am afraid McCain might not live out his term and am terrified of a Palin presidency... does that outweigh my fear of a democrat super-majority and the higher taxes/out of control spending that comes with? Not sure. I am calling it a game time decision. Pretty sucky movie selection out there. I don't care what the critics say, I am looking forward to the new James Bond movie. Matt Cassel... looks like a deer in the headlights out there. No Super Bowl for the Pats this year. Watching a whole episode of Saturday Night Live is like getting punched in one testicle, sure it's not as bad as it could be... but it ain't good. Just watch the 2 funny clips on the Internet and save yourself some pain.

Know what I love about local politics?
http://burlingtonfreepress.com/article/20081103/NEWS03/811030302
That is what I call a Renaissance Man!!!!

BTW, wondering who's picture that is? One of the VT candidates for govenor! Peter Diamondstone ladies and gentlemen!!!