Man, Burlington is One Funky Town

Got back a little while ago from the usual afternoon coffee walk. Around 2pm or so a couple of us take a stroll through the mall attached to our office and grab a coffee, it's a nice break in the day. Beyond the caffeine, it is a great chance to witness the "colorful" side of Burlington. The funny thing about this town is that there are more ya-yos out at 2PM than there are at midnight. I am much more sketched out about rolling down Church Street mid day than at night. Well, today was EPIC! First off the mall was packed. Granted it was raining but seriously, how can the mall be packed at 2PM on a Friday? Don't people have jobs in this town? I know they were not all taking a 6 minute break. Think I must be the sucker for still working, I could be getting Obamamania $$ for free for f*ck sake. So then we get to the door to Church Street and the vagrant gang that hangs out there was massive. More cigarettes, tattoos, piercings, beggars than you have ever seen! It was like a seedy Phish concert. The great thing about this crowd is they mass right in front of the door and the cops never try to break it up. Meanwhile they are swearing, smoking, spitting, talking about domestic abuse, drug deals, GEDs... and looking for fights. It is like a hobo gauntlet! Vermont, the green mountain state... come for a visit!!!! On the bright side there was a hot girl working at the record store in the mall that my co-worker totally checked out. I barely noticed, her "7" jeans, Reebok sneakers, Gap t-shirt, brown hair w/ blond highlights... just kidding Lady-Bird (thx D.G.)!!! 1 1/2 thumbs up for Uncommon Grounds. Coffee is usually pretty good, food is mediocre, service is not bad for a coffee shop in VT? Thank goodness it is the weekend.

Fun w/ Politics

Ever notice how every time the President speaks, the stock market sells off? Maybe there should be less press conferences. Speaking of press conferences...

White House Press Secretary is Robert Gibbs, who I have to assume is a member of the famous Gibbs family (Barry, Robin, Maurice). Kind of all makes sense now, you all remember such Gibbs’ hits/White House catch phrases; Jive Talkin’, Stayin’ Alive, How Deep is Your Debt, More than an Mortgage, You Should Be Lending.

You Should be Lending…
Yeahhhh!!!

That's right, for people I work w/ I just recycled this joke. My motto is think globally, retell jokes locally. Dirty corporate sinners!

Stephen Harper... the Answer was Stephen Harper

Yeah, no reason to beat a dead horse on that one. Just sayin'. So I forgot lat week to review a movie we actually saw on the big screen, Taken starring Liam Neeson. It was actually not bad. The way they shot the movie you could believe that Neeson could pull off being a bad ass. As my coworker "Middle of a S. Macmacmacmac" calls it... old man strength! That's what ol' Liam was all about and it worked. The movie had decent flow, some hot girls, and a decent plot. We went in w/ low expectations and they were exceeded. 1 thumb up.

At the other end of the spectrum was our rental of Tropic Thunder. I sort of enjoyed it but not enough to pay for it. If I had run across it on the Encore action channel at 9PM on a Wednesday, I might have enjoyed it. For $6.99? Not so much. There were a few humorous moments but overall it was a dud. One outstanding performance however, was that of Tom Cruise. If I was nominating for the Best Supporting Actor that was going to Heath Ledger no matter what... I would have chosen Cruise of Robert Downy Jr., it was a phenomenal performance. That is what he should stick to, funny self-deprecating cameos. Seriously. The movie gets a 1/2 a thumb sideways.

We watched a bit of the Oscars. It was stupid. The lame singing and dancing? Absolutely brain numbing! I am not a huge award show guy anyway but I was more inclined to watch that stupid show The Amazing Race, or the Pistons and Cavs on TNT. The only part I enjoyed was the preshow when they interviewed a few actors @ the bar. Always funny to see who is knocking down cocktails before the show. Not surprising to see Seth Rogen and Jack Black there. I also enjoyed the Pineapple Express short and when James Franco presented an award to a Russian dude, totally butchered his name, and then Seth Rogen started cracking up... that was pretty funny. 1 thumb down overall though, lame.

Did anything deserve more than 1 thumb up this weekend? Yup, the comedy factor associated w/ the UVM cheerleading squad! Every time they tossed a girl up you fear for her life! But then the linebacker named "Darcy" somehow makes a super awkward catch to avert disaster. Teamed w/ the mascot who looked hungover/stoned and wandered around providing less team spirit than a harm turd... that's magic my friends!!!

Well, This is Awkward...

OK, here is a fun game. We have this enormous land mass that borders our country to the north. It could be argued they are our closest ally. Most people would have an easier time locating it on a map than say, Rhode Island. Many people have been there, myself many times. Yup, that's right... I am talkin' about Canada!!! This week our president journeyed to Canada for his first international visit and brought Obamania north of the border!!! People were stoked! So what is my game? Can anyone name the leader of Canada? Go ahead, leave a comment. Don't cheat either you dirty rats!

Just for fun I have even included his picture!

So Uh....

Some people made fun of me this weekend for having my special lady cook her own birthday brunch, and come up with the menu, and do the shopping...and buy herself flowers. I say P'shaw! I am not even sure that is a real word but I say it anyway! In my defense, I came up w/ one of my first plans ever. I also helped shop and prepare. I was an entertainer (I pushed bloody marys on the guests). I, well, that is about it... I guess I cleaned up. So yes, I will be taking her out for a nice dinner later this week and yes, I might have to stop by a clothes or jewelry store at some point this week thank you very much!!!

BTW... was I surprised when I called this number and they started in about Chunky Monkey...
1-866-BJ-TOURS

Friday the 13th!!!!

Yup, it's that wacky day were people get all freaked out talking about bad luck, omens, and what not. I can tell you that I did experience some anomalies this morning... I was caught behind what seemed like a fleet of soccer moms in mini-vans on my way to work. Yup, they took up slow and passing lanes and tried to keep it about 10 MPH below the speed limit. My favorite was the woman doing 15 below who never noticed my tailgating or shaking fist because she was staring straight down and trying to dial Zimbabwe on her cell phone... must have been trying to transfer funds to her email prince!

One fun thing about today is that it is an opportunity to release a new Friday the 13th movie and I am sure show old ones on TV. I am a huge fan and even have a few gems in my dvd collection. A quick stroll down memory lane brings me back...

Part I. who could forget the early eighties short shorts and gratuitous nudity? Plus, hello to Kevin Bacon who possibly peaked early in his career when he overacted his way through an arrow screwed through his chest! Bravo Kevin!
Part II. One Mrs. Vorhees killed and ol' Jason gets to keep her head around. Those effects sure were "special"!
Part III. Jason vs a motorcycle gang in 3-D!!!! Boo-YEAH!!! oh yeah, they also introduced the hockey mask, he used to wear a sheet on his face.
The Final Chapter. "Final" being very loosely used of course... but we do get an introduction to Tommy Jarvis of them Jarvis Boys, played by Cory Feldman!
New Beginning. Who is the new blood you ask? Cory Feldman!!! Yup he killed teenagers before his career.
Jason Lives VI. OK, Jason becomes the undead and it starts getting weird
New Blood VII. Released from the depths of Crystal Lake, blah, blah, blah...
Jason Takes Manhattan VIII. Now we are getting somewhere! Jason in the Big City? Small fish, big pond, needs the money, does things he is not proud of... you know the story. Plus he punches some dudes head clean off his body and off a skyscraper! Money in the bank!!!
Jason Goes to Hell:The Final Friday. Once again, kind of loose interpretation of the word "final". Of course, now Jason is an evil essence beyond human form... and the cover of the dvd is funny.
Jason X. Where can we go from hell spawn? How about space? Check and mate! I own this movie and I love it, one of the most ridiculous things I have ever seen on film... and I have seen some random shit! The part where he goes into the virtual reality is can't miss film making!
Freddy vs Jason. Given the possibilities, this was a little disappointing. With two of my favorite horror characters it was not disappointing enough not to buy and watch 12 times!!!!

So here we are today... the new movie is a "re-imagining" of the original. You know, a hip director and big producer spend a ton of money on a remake. They have done it for Halloween and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Am I excited? What do you think!!!!

More Obamamania!!!

So we are 1 month into the Obama administration... how is it going? Remarkably similar to Old GW! There are a whole bunch of d-bags fighting for scraps and drawing out the process. So while these chumps w/ their locked in six figure salaries try to secure a new slide for their local high school, the economy continues to slide deeper into recession. CNBC usually is annoying but there was one good comment today, the economy is like an infection on your toe, if you treat it there is no problem, but if you leave it... staph infection and you get Michael Jackson face! We have become a world of beggars and unfortunately without the government's handout we are really quite helpless. We could suspend mark to market accounting... that would help. We could negotiate w/ rating agencies who have mad terrible mistakes and left many insurance companies and banks in capital death spirals... that would help. We could create a cram down of mortgages while insuring for losses on said mortgages and then taking a cut on any upside? Yup, that might help too. Instead, Barney Frank is going to grill heads of banks over their bonuses and then try to kill the banking industry and in turn the city of New York, THAT WILL NOT HELP!!!!!

Breaking news... Judd Gregg just told Obama to screw. So far this non-partisan shit is working out well. The Democrats cannot get out of their own way... didn't see that coming. Anybody notice how conservatives are pounding the table over out of control spending and all of the pork in this stimulus package? Those same folks didn't seem too bothered by the record spending and pork product we had seen the last 8 years?

2009... it's FANTASTIC!!!!!

Jay About Top 5 Lists

2 Posts in 1 day? Is this the best day ever? Yup! So what might prompt such a fine showing from Jay? Well, the special lady, myself, and a good friend KS hit up the Alchemist for lunch on Saturday and it got me thinking... "I been everywhere, still I'm standing tall I've seen a million faces an Ive rocked them all"! I have also been to and reviewed a bunch of places in VT and was thinking about which ones I thought really made it happen for me. So with that I present to you the Jay About Town Top 5 Vermont Eateries!

5. Tiny Thai. Essex/Winooski, VT. 2 locations, both ultra casual. This is everything you want in Asian cuisine, American style. It is cheap, it is fast, and it is bring your own booze! The food is very good, I am a huge fan of the drunken noodles but try it all, you really can't go wrong. The service is efficient and friendly. Great place to take your date for $20 of delicious chow!
4. American Flatbread. Burlington, VT. Easy, casual, but delicious. Another joint w/ an extensive and well put together beer list. This place is constantly packed and for good reason. Anytime you just want to hang w/ friends and have a 1/2 "bread" and a couple beers this place makes it happen. Not too expensive and very friendly so it is fantastic for families, college kids, and everything in or out between.
3. Simon Pierce. Quechee, VT. The last couple meals have not been as good as my usual experiences... but the bar had been set pretty high. Extensive wine list, very good and sometimes great food, courteous service... and one of the best views out there. When you add in the house mad blown glassware and homemade pottery, you have a winner. Expensive but versatile, good for brunch, lunch, and dinner.
2. Hen of the Wood. Waterbury, VT. To be fair, I have eaten here twice and both times came away impressed. I think this is the best food I have eaten in Vt but it is pretty expensive and pretty formal so it is not for every occasion. Great wine list and if you do not try the short ribs, well, there is nothing I can do for you frankly. Service is well mannered, friendly, and professional. Great experience.
1. The Alchemist. Waterbury, VT. This place nails it every time. I am a huge fan of the casual pub experience and this one is great. You could probably count the number of brewpubs that actually make good non-flat beer on 1 hand. Love the beer here, especially the Holy Cow. The food is also great. The burgers are delicious, the pulled pork quite good, even the rice and beans is good. Add in home made catsup, beer cheese dip w/ pretzels, and the sweet potato fries. I commend you Alchemist.

So there, you have it, one man's humble opinion. Don't like my choices? Let me hear it! Where should I go? What should I try again? Is there a local dish I have missed that would swing my vote? Should I try steroids, will that enhance my eating performance?

Didn't See This Coming!

Not for nothing but there seems to be alot more taint out there then anytime I can ever remember. Taint in baseball, taint on Wall Street, taint in autos... everywhere I look there is TAINT!!!!

Was I surprised A-Rod was a cheater? Nope. Will I be surprised when other folks are exposed as cheaters? Nope. Do I care? Not that much. I mean if roided up hitters were hitting off of roided up pitchers, it should all even out right? Well, except for the physics of a faster swing hitting a faster thrown ball and sending it much farther as a result. But who cares, it is fun to see home runs. This drug era is better than the coked up 80s right?

Muggie

Thanks to TH over here I think we can give the Sham-Wow guy a run for his money... I mean, sure, the Snuggie is a "great idea" but it could be even better! Seriously, how many times are you sitting on the couch canning beers, or maybe at the ball game w/ your entire family dressed like the Hale-Bop crowd? Yeah, your hands are free for beer drinking and high fiving but what happens when you have to pee? Well, here is the solution! For only $19.95 you can have that little bit of extra that says "Heck yea, I'm a guy... and it's peein' time"!

The Next Govenor of New Mexico?

I say Hell Yeah! He has already been a shaman, batman... fatman.

A Little Late But...

Some folks have seen this but, in honor of Punxsatony Phil... I present, Wall Street Wilbur! That's right, when Wall Street Wilbur sees his shadow that means 6 more months of recession!

Obamamania!!!! Hey, you know what? When you try to nationalize banks and tell people what they can and cannot make in a free marketplace do you know what that is called? Socialism! Yeah, it works great! Led France to surrender to their shadow, and Russia, that worked out well. Next thing you know we will be fighting over firewood and dungarees while Obama takes off his shirt and hunts for tigers! Start to think about the consequences of your actions Mr. president, you are heading down a dark path.

Saw the movie Pineapple Express this weekend. I really liked it. I admit that I enjoy lowbrow stoner humor in the vein of Cheech and Chong so take this for what it is worth. I just thought it was silly and entertaining and even the parts I knew were coming, like putting a foot in the windshield, still killed me. 1 3/4 thumbs up.

Crap, I gotta go... important business meeting @ American Flatbread!

Super Bowl Recap

Usually the Super Bowl has a ton of hype, people spend way too much money on commercials, parties, strippers... uh, I mean food, and then the game itself sucks. This year nobody exactly knew what to make of the game, the teams, or the scene but it all worked out ok. The game itself had a hew decent moments but for the most part was pretty sloppy. The Steelers defense is quite good and Arizona's was not terrible so this should be expected. At the end of the day the game could be encapsulated in 2 plays... at the end of the first half Arizona is on the 5 and looks ready to score and tie it up or take the lead. Of course, at this moment Kurt "I Want to Be Like Brett Favre and Turn the Ball Over on My Way to the Hall of Fame" Warner tosses a bad pick to James Harrison who then made an amazing 100 yard return. How did no one tackle this guy who was winded after 5 yards? How do you throw a 5 yard interception into double coverage? How do they make boneless chicken wings? The second play was game winner. Ben Rothegjhgjlsgdaljhgburger made a great throw to Santonio Holmes in the corner of the end zone to negate a Cardinal's comeback and ice the win. Holmes was triple teamed... the catch is that not one of the three guys thought they should get within 7 feet of him. The Card's d-back Rogers-Cromartie sucks. He got absolutely abused last night. I also enjoyed how he gave up on plays after being beaten. The QBs in this game are funny, Big Ben is like an ugly girl w/ a good body, it is pretty terrible until the very end (12 beers deep and it is dark). Warner on the other hand is the girl who looks great in clothes but terrible naked (huge stats but always a couple of crippling plays). I have no first hand experience of any of this mind you... and my wife is like Joe Montana (the whole package, except the nose...and she is a girl). Tons of bad penalties in the game too. I give the game as a whole 1 thumb up, entirely for the fourth quarter.

What did we have for dinner? A very nice and clean tasting Pad Thai. Not as sweet as a restaurant but felt very healthy. We also had some very labor intensive pork dumplings. Great flavor but they got a little messed up in the frying. The bird tag team yielded great flavor, but the presentation was comci comca... that's French, surprised you didn't know! Oh yeah, I also knocked down a few Pabst tall boys!

Commercials? OK. I liked the koala punch but the rest of the commercial was grating. GoDaddy.com? You stay classy! I liked the baby talking shit to his golfing partner, didn't care for the Clydesdale's, thought Conan was funny, Baldwin so so, really liked the 2 second High Life ad where the fat guy just yelled "High Life!". Tough economy.

The Boss @ halftime? I don't care what anybody says... it was great. Springsteen is a great performer and this was the best half time show I have seen... well, the Janet Jackson was pretty good too! OK, that's it for now... I am exhausted, and need a hot tub!

F*ck You Phil!

I know this will be covered in more detail by the f*ck you penguin blog but I could not help but add 2 cents. That rat bastard Punk-satony Phil always sees his shadow. It's 30 degrees here and we have a damn cold front coming later in the week. You can't do me a solid just once Phil and maybe neglect to notice your shadow? Just once?!

BTW... love the new Olympic training tool employed by Michael Phelps. Anyone else notice that Usain Bolt absolutely destroyed the field when he ran the 100 yd dash at the Olympics. He is from Jamaica. Just sayin'...