As a Red Sox fan am I enjoying the Yankees and Derek Jeter contract negotiations? You bet I am!!! I know a guy, that knows a guy, that makes shit up... who recently sent me a recent transcript of the action!
Brian Cashman (Yankees GM): Hey D-Money! Another great season chief, I know there were some ups and downs but let's get you some money buddy!
Jeter: Thanks Brian, appreciate the support, you know I love the Yankees. This should be pretty easy.
Cashman: Definitely. We know you had a bit of a tough season but as the captain we want to overpay as usual w/ our bags of money... how does $60 million over 3 years sound big guy?
Jeter: Uh, well, as an "icon", I was thinking I was worth a little more than that? We were thinking $180 million over 5 years?
Cashman (choking and spitting out coffee): $180MM? Not for nothing D-money but last season was not a humdinger for you and you are getting a little older, no?
Jeter: Well, yeah but you guys are rich... and I am a big party of the brand...
Cashman: Well, yeah, but we are already offering well over what anyone else would pay for your production...
Jeter: You overpay shitty guys all the time... Pavano, Javier Vasquez, Granderson...
Cashman: Not 180mm!!! You sucked last year and you are going to be, what, 50 years old next year?
Jeter: Hey, cool down, you are going to pay that douche A-Rod 40MM when he is my age and people hate him. Shit, you told me yesterday you took a dump in his locker?!
Cashman: Lesson learned, we f**ked up w/ that jerk. At least he can take HGH and hit. You hit like my 8 year old kid last year and we could have had a stump get to more balls in the hole last year?
Jeter: Whoa! Who do you think will play shortstop for you next year, or bring chicks to the stadium?!
Cashman: For $20 and a bus pass we can have Ozzie Smith un-retire and play better than you. Plus you are getting married, chump!
Jeter: Screw you, I am signing w/ the Red Sox!
Theo Epstein: HAHAHAHAHAHAH... You Suck!!! We will stick w/ Mark "error" Scutaro. At least that guy can hit a fast ball. AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Cashman: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Jeter: You guys are dicks. I am going to have sex w/ my hot actress girlfriend.
Minka Kelly: Oh, sorry, Derek, did I not mention it? I am now going w/ Kevin Youkilis, he has a really cool goatee?
Seriously... Don't mess w/ pandas!!!!
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