To be fair I started the day out a little on the cranky side... Last night I sat through a Red Sox meltdown which put me in a foul mood and and to search around for the source of an odd dead animal smell emenating from the first floor of my house. I am a little wary of getting a pet but the mouse situation is ridiculous. I have also been having strange dreams of persecution... like getting arrested for something I did not do and then getting harrassed by the police as I try to explain my innosence. What the hell is that all about?! So then I get up this morning and it's dark and cold. I live in an area of the country where you spend 6 months in the cold and dark; it's dark when to wake up and go to work, it's dark when you come home, the only light you see during the week is from the window of your office or the 5 minutes it takes to walk to a sanwich shop for lunch. Believe me, that is not in the least bit depressing! So I take a luke warm shower, trip over my wife's shoes in the hall, pick out mismatched socks in the dark, and then trip over the gym bag I laid out for myself the previous evening. Banner day so far. So I finally get on the road. It doesn't take long before I am trapped on Route 7. Traffic is not so bad here but for some reason there is a perponderance of dipshits who think they should get in the passing lane in order to drive slowly and NOT PASS!!!!!!! So you get two morons driving the the same speed (5mph below the limit) side by side. If this is you, why the F*ck do you do this?! Just pull over for the love of all that is holy! If you see the dude right up on your ass waving you over and screaming at you? That is ME, and YOU are doing the wrong thing! The icing on the cake this morning was the guy with the "BIDS" vanity plates driving 30MPH in a 45. I finally got around him and realized what was diverting his attention from the road... he was picking his nose and eating it. I would show a $20 "BID" for the Smails kid to not drive anymore. **Sorry if you are reading this nose picker, but eating it is a big faux pas.
So back to the animal issue. My special lady (i.e. my spouse), suggested I use this forum to break out one of my all time gems. Not sure how it will translate in writing as opposed to a verbal telling but here goes. So my wife tells me she has seen a huge mouse in the house. We have seen a few before, it is an 1870s farm house in the country... these things happen. So we are sleeping one night when I have to take a pee. Now, the free spirit I am, I'm sleeping naked... BUTT-NAKED! It's around 2AM mid week so I am still half asleep, hand on the wall supporting myself, when I see something out of the corner of my eye. I snap awake and turn my head to see that huge f*ing mouse. I mean seriously, it's like 7 inches long! I am still mid stream, I can't stop once I start... it stings. I am peeing, trying not to pee on the floor while I watch this giant mouse cruise around the bathroom. I finish up and he settles into a plant we have that is in a basket. What should I do? I decide to go gladiator style and grab the plunger. AAAHHHHAAYAYYHAHAH!!!!!!!!! I make a huge stabbing motion down across the bathroom and thrap the thing in the plant bathroom. So here I am holding the basket (imagine and easter basket) with the mouse trapped under the plunger. BTW, did I mention I was au natural? I run out in the hall and start yelling for my wife. She comes running out (still asleep) like there is a fire or something. There I am in the hall, 2AM in the morning, stark naked, holding a basket with a plunger jammed in it. She looks me up and down and says something to the effect of "what the hell are you doing?". "I've trapped the mouse! Go open the door!" She asks me if I need some pants? Good idea but my hands are a bit full, how am I supposed to get them on? So she runs down and opens the dooor. I come flying down after were (stuff all over the place) and run outside throwing the whole basket out into the night! BOO-YEAH!!
So yeah... I probably don't need a cat or anything.
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