Last Post of the Decade!

So I guess that whole end of the world thing in 2000 is not really in play? I guess the new end of days is sometime in 2011 or 2012 according to the Incan calendar or Nostradamus, or maybe it was Cleo? Either way... pretty quiet here today. I have been taking a peek at all of the end of the year/ decade best/worst of lists. You know, best dressed, top athletes, best games, grossest celebrity dumps. That kind of stuff. When I think about it this has been a pretty eventful year and decade for the ol' Jaybird. I suppose they all are in some way or another, and if not you are not really l-i-v-i-n! In the last 10 years though I; had 3 jobs, was arrested for assault and battery w/ a deadly weapon (a door to the ass, dismissed), jumped and beat up by 8 guys, fantasy football champ, my brother had a baby, I moved back home to VT and got a real job and sorted out my life (but seemed to have misplaced my hair somewhere?), bought a car, paid it all off, bought a house (not all paid off), went through the worst recession since the Great Depression, Michael Jackson died, used the Scottie Pippen defense, GOT MARRIED, drove 135MPH, made over 1million inappropriate jokes/comments, ate at the Grammercy Tavern, went to Barbados, Jamaica, Morea (South Pacific), France, made and lost friends, karate chopped a few people, scored 107.88 on the Microsoft paper airplane game... started a blog. Pretty exhausting when you think about it. What will the next decade bring? Besides the end of the world of course! Hopefully a puppy.

Have a safe and very merry new year HAHAHA... beef jerky time!

Happy F*ing New Year !!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=no6-vsHgHJg

Yup, that's right... I am an A-S-S-H-O-L-E!!! Anywho had a really fun bite to eat w/ some friends from the old Boston neighborhood at the Daily Planet last night. Food was ok, service was suspect, company was excellent! 1 thumb up.

Boy... am I fat!

So we started Thursday night and had a big dinner, then a big brunch the next morning, then another big dinner, then a small breakfast, then grazing all day then another huge dinner. It was all lovely but hot dog... it looks like I am about to give birth (presumably to a crowned pork roast)! Pretty mellow Christmas, we had easy drives, pretty easy family interactions. The big controversy was the battle between our cat and my in-laws cat. Mine is a big pussy. On the plus side, he caught a mouse last night when we got home and had another one he was messing w/ at about 4AM. I am a little freaked out though because I have no idea where he left it, or if he let it go. So there might be a dead and half eaten mouse in my house somewhere, or dead in the wall?! Boo-Yeah!!! So the best gift this year (not counting my wife's), Bose i-pod dock. Looks great, sounds great. Worst? Always a toss up but this year I am going w/ the old Transformer toys my folks stuck me w/. I thought I had left them all behind but alas, joke was on me. Well, looks like it is time for another beer to pile on the fatness!!!

Christmas is here

I can't believe I am at work today. The phone rang once between 8-10AM. Seriously... I had a pleasant day off w/ the special lady yesterday though. We did some last minute present wrapping, she made a lovely lunch (stuffed acorn squash), and we watched Mad Men and a Harry Potter movie. So the other night we had our group holiday party at Bistro 156. I will say, they did a pretty ok job. Our CIO set it up and they rolled out a series of decent apps and one waitress kept the drinks flowing. The sliders were kind of like budget White Castle but the wings were ok (I liked the spicy Thai sauce), the cheese platter was good and the artichoke dip was not bad. All in all acceptable. 1 thumb up. It is a nice space. We are all guys (except 1 trooper KB who really holds her own), so the random office hook up is out of play, except one guy was hugging alot and I might have gotten my butt grabbed. In fairness though, I am quite hard to resist. As usual though we get a little tipsy and talk shit. Sports, movies, work... pretty much everything is in play (even my height... which is B.S. since I am average for a male in the U.S.!). I like to give my boss a hard time, he is a good sport about it though. Treats me like one of those small dogs that bark alot. For some reason my keycard did not work this morning though? (just kidding). I will give credit where credit is due, most places you work the folks at the top sit in their ivory tower and send out orders to their minions. At our place those same folks will look you in the eye and engage in sometimes difficult dialogue. That is not easy but does give people a sense they are important. Now if we could just do something about those clowns that trade Corporates... The capper as usual was my cab ride home. For some reason the cabbies in Burlington want you to ride shotgun so that they can share their life stories w/ you. Oh, your brother is married to a 300lb. woman and does not save any money? Fascinating! You are a level 12 ogre on World of Warcraft? Alright! I should go to the Rusty Scuffer more often because your cousin works there and makes a great steak? Well sir, I think you are on to something!! I have a 30minute ride home... 2 thumbs down! So there you have it, next stop family business. Wish me luck!! Here is an old school video... maybe NSFW for bad language.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gfwQRjzcJE&feature=related

Have a happy long weekend!

Today's Holiday Video

Sure, why not?!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TvYOm89IcUU

2 for Tuesday!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vg9eZxpV3VA

My special lady got me a home brewing kit for Christmas. She is the best. I got her a chia-pig!

Holiday Cheer

Yup, it is that time of year... there isn't shit going on in the office. The phone rang about 4 times, I got a handful of emails, 1 inappropriate text from a colleague, and I took 2 poops! Another great winter shaping up where it snows all over the Northeast except here in VT. On the bright side it is cold as f*** so that is awesome. My special lady laugh/spit wife at a dinner party this weekend. Was it one of the funniest things I have seen lately? Hell to the yeah!!! We also had really good fish tacos w/ Alaskan salmon and halibut cheeks. Solid. BTW, Christmas shopping hell? Lowes/K-mart/kiddie book store. My head nearly exploded trying to get a few random things. I also enjoyed the "Green" store that recently opened near us. They advertised having materials for a root cellar. When I went there though, they did not, nor was the girl working there versed in the theory of a root cellar. But she thought it would be something their patrons would be interested in... Really? Think so? WTF?! Well, no more negativity, I am going to put a new holiday video up to cheer you all up, yyyaaaayyyyy!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OgnXAvh5qFs

Flu Me?! Flu You!!!

So by writing this post I can almost guarantee I will be sick in the next week or two but I am forging ahead... I read a story today on Bloomberg news relating to the flu. Apparently there have been next to no cases of "seasonal" flu this year as it has been crowded out by the dreaded "swine" flu. Bad news right? Wrong. Swine flu has killed 10k people this year, 1/3 the amount that seasonal flu annually kills. Hey, this is like global warming to me... you should drink OJ, wash your hands, try to stay healthy by all means, but if you believed the media you would think we were all going to die from the f*ing flu! People get sick, old people and children have weaker immune systems and have trouble fighting tough flu's off. This is not new nor is it news. Why do we need to find something to panic about, to slap the term pandemic on?

Went to the Bluebird Tavern for the second time last night... off the chain yo! They make a not bad Old Fashion. Head cheese sounds scary right? Well, it is delicious when fried up crispy and served on cheesy grits my friends. Deviled egg? You are devilish you little scamp! The bacon was a bid crunchy though, as in I used it to scrape the ice off my car after dinner. For my main course I rocked rabbit. It was good but there was so much fried food (meat and veggies all fried) on my plate I nearly had a coronary finishing it all... which I did! 1 8/10s up, it was a little chilly in the dining room.

Here them Ring... Ding a Ling...

I am glad this year is almost over... I am officially about to lose my mind. This has been a very frustrating year of change, uncertainty, and an unusual amount of opaqueness. Is that a word? Opaqueness? Yeah, anyway... I suppose when things are difficult, like our current situation out there; tensions run high, we all play things closer to the vest, little things become big things. Whatever, things tend to work themselves out. One thing however that will not work itself out is the crime situation in Burlington. This has always been a very safe city and a very safe state. Of course you always have drug issues, and domestic violence, and even random fights but you never really felt as if there was a sinister element or that you had to worry about anything more than petty crime. My friend and co-worker was walking to his car the other day at 5:45 in a well populated and heavily trafficked parking garage that we all park at when he was jumped by 4 random guys who beat him up and took his wallet. They did not even get his money that was in a different pocket. Really they just wanted to beat someone up. What the f*ck?! Seriously?! In the last year or two I have noticed a shift in the shady crowd around town and crimes have gotten noticeably more violent and targeted. The world has gotten smaller and it is becoming more difficult to find safe places. I will give the city credit though. News outlets are all over the story, as are city officials and the police. Citizens here are generally outraged which is good... it means we are upset at this type of situation and do not want it here. Small step I suppose. One aside here... the comments on the Burlington Free Press in response to this story are ridiculous. Dumb ass yayos have turned a sad and scary crime into a forum to berate each other, spout off on politics, and generally post to see themselves on the Internet. Shame on you. And please do not bring your guns to town... I am not sure that will make anyone feel any more at ease. Haven't you ever heard that Johnny Cash song?

Once again, 2 huge thumbs down to Lewis Motors, now Shearer Auto for not carrying basic parts for audis in stock (break lines), upselling me on services I may or may not need, and trying to mark up tires 35% over wholesale. You guys bring sucking to levels Tiger Woods would approve of!!!

OOOHHH YYEEAAHHHHHH!!!!

Why the F* not?! Pretty ok weekend. My special lady was meeting up w/ friends for dinner and even had a ride so I was free to do whatever. I poured myself a martini, ate some Mac & Cheese and watched the new Star Trek movie on Blue Ray. It was actually pretty darn entertaining. Some parts were cheesy but I thought they tied the story in w/ the mythology of the old show. Special effects were cool. Acting was not terrible. There was a little cheese factor and the guy who played Spock was a little dooshy but overall it was quite enjoyable. 1 7/8ths thumbs up.

Saturday we went and got a Christmas tree which is always nice. Pretty funny, when we brought the tree in the house the cat freaked. He turned to scamper but was in such a hurry he turned right into a basket on the floor... face first! I laughed. The tree is pretty solid, not too tall but very full. I give it 48 hours before Boomer jumps in and trashes a few ornaments. We put the generic ones down low. Saturday night we went to a perfectly pleasant holiday party that had one huge highlight. A usually reserved friend busted out a little poo conversation. Now doody is a huge topic and the cause more many chuckles at the Bird household but it is not always given its due in the public forum. Oh well, it made my night. I might divulge later, not sure yet.

Sunday was busy. We had to go to 3 places to get white lights for the tree. The final place? Creative Habitat... a store that was supposed to have closed 4 months ago!!! Take that Lowes!!! Let's Build Something Together... like inventory, assholes!!!!

Next up was a Portuguese wine tasting put on by our new can't miss wine shop Daedalus. I was not a huge fan of the wines but it was an instructive course that was well run and very informative. The pricing points were very attractive so it was a good way to get folks to try something new and different. Did you know that Portugal instituted label laws 200 years before France? You do now (1 day later than me chumps).

Finally it was on to dinner club. Awesome Greek fare. Great lamb stuffed grape leaves and super awesome gyros. Another hit. After that we were stuffed... went home and passed out on the couch for a bit. Of course before I started nodding off I caught a few minuted of Blame it on Rio. This was one of the first movies I remember seeing on cable. Michael Caine and boobs in Brazil, pretty much a home run if you ask me!

SUUUUEEEYYYYYY!!!!!

http://www.burlingtonfreepress.com/article/20091209/NEWS02/91208026/Burlington-board-to-discuss-livestock

"Pigs are on the loose in Burlington’s New North End"

Yup, one of the top stories in the award winning Burlington Free Press and let me tell you... it is the truth and a real problem. There were pigs spotted in and around The Old North Ender, then they seemed to head south into downtown. We can verify that there were pigs in Ri-Ra's, JP's and a late night sighting in Red Square! Many thanks to the Toddler and Scotty Mustache for their crack reporting!!!

The Free Press is great, a couple days ago they had a headline that it would cost $200-300 Billion to clean up Lake Champlain. Billion? Sure that would be enough?! I mean, if you work at a newspaper you need to check the headline before putting a story in print right? Isn't that the first thing you do? No? Ok... either way.

I need to go help round up pigs!

Tired of being scooped by the NY Post

So I am breaking this story... Tiger Woods latest "birdie" is none other than... Derek Jeter!!! Sources report that after a spicy video shoot for Gillette razor blades the two superstars were caught getting familiar backstage. Later, Tiger and Jeter were seen at a bar together, canoodled over some food at a restaurant, went to another club, then stayed in the same hotel!!! I know, it seems unbelievable but just think about it for awhile. Just sayin'.

I don't really have much else to post today, I am a little tired from getting massive at the gym and our weekend was pretty quiet. So I am just going to end w/ fart, turd, crap, boobs, bob saget, shaaazooooo!!!

Jay About Culture!

That's right... culture my friends, culture! Last night my Special Lady and I went to a wine tasting at an art gallery put on by Daedalus Wine Merchants here in Burlington, VT. Impressed? I thought you might be. Was I wearing a tweed jacket w/ leather elbow patches and wearing a Scottish walking hat from Hammlecer Schlemmer? Sadly, no. The tasting featured 50 wines; white, red, and champers, from several different grapes and regions. 50 seems pretty intimidating but not for big shots like ourselves! The guys at Daedalus are great. 1 went to business school w/ my wife and he is knowledgeable, patient, and a nice guy. The other is a friend of a friend and seems like a good guy too. We started in the whites and picked and choose our way though. One mistake we made was getting there early. It was a mob scene. Like a frat party you had to muscle up to the table and then park it while you went through the 5 or so wines then move on to the next table and do it all over. Many folks got in a weird dysfunctional line and tried to go in order but that did not really work. By the time we went over to the reds (the room was about 130 degrees w/ no open windows), it had cleared out a bit and we were able to move more freely which made the experience infinitely more enjoyable. By the end it was kind of funny... a bunch of older people, maybe my parents age and older, bumping around after drinking too much rather than spitting or dumping wine. Gotta pace yourselves, it's a marathon not a sprint Golden Girls! Price points were very attractive and the wines overall were very nice offering cheap wines, more expensive, table wines, every day drinking wines, chugging wines, special occasion wines, complex, rustic, challenging, gross... pretty much ran the gamut. Unfortunately our notes were on the ordering sheet we used to buy a few bottles so I will have to get back to you on details. Needless to say, a fun time was had by all (by my Special Lady and I!). We finished w/ a delicious slice of pizza from Junior's and then an episode of Mad Men on DVD at home. Pretty fun night! 2 thumbs up.

Lions, and Tigers, and Ho's... Oh My!!!

Yeah, I wanted to compete w/ the NY Post there. It is very interesting how our country is captivated by the Tiger Woods story. We love to see a squeaky clean image tarnished. I mean, the guy is no better or worse than anybody else, certainly anybody w/ looks, fame, and $$ (Jude Law). Yet, we relish in the opportunity to break him down because then he is more like the rest of us. Am I reading the stories, yup? Do I really think any less of the guy? Not really. I don't know him.

More troops in Afghanistan? What could go wrong... it worked for Russia in the 80s/90s right?!

F*ck you Iran. The international community needs to stop being such a bunch of pansies and let Israel take care of this. Now.

Lakers are pretty good no? Not the Patriots so much. What are the odds Roy Halladay can make it through an extended contract? I see a Kevin Brown doo-doo in the pants coming. I am nervous the Sox will be cleaning that duke up.

NY Times finally caught on w/ rum. Thanks for finally showing up to the party! Been enjoying that tasty nectar for years. The special lady and I are fans of several island varieties, my personal favorite is the Mt Gay extra old. It is aged in old bourbon barrels and has a very nice smoky flavor. 2 thumbs way up.