Last Post of the Decade!

So I guess that whole end of the world thing in 2000 is not really in play? I guess the new end of days is sometime in 2011 or 2012 according to the Incan calendar or Nostradamus, or maybe it was Cleo? Either way... pretty quiet here today. I have been taking a peek at all of the end of the year/ decade best/worst of lists. You know, best dressed, top athletes, best games, grossest celebrity dumps. That kind of stuff. When I think about it this has been a pretty eventful year and decade for the ol' Jaybird. I suppose they all are in some way or another, and if not you are not really l-i-v-i-n! In the last 10 years though I; had 3 jobs, was arrested for assault and battery w/ a deadly weapon (a door to the ass, dismissed), jumped and beat up by 8 guys, fantasy football champ, my brother had a baby, I moved back home to VT and got a real job and sorted out my life (but seemed to have misplaced my hair somewhere?), bought a car, paid it all off, bought a house (not all paid off), went through the worst recession since the Great Depression, Michael Jackson died, used the Scottie Pippen defense, GOT MARRIED, drove 135MPH, made over 1million inappropriate jokes/comments, ate at the Grammercy Tavern, went to Barbados, Jamaica, Morea (South Pacific), France, made and lost friends, karate chopped a few people, scored 107.88 on the Microsoft paper airplane game... started a blog. Pretty exhausting when you think about it. What will the next decade bring? Besides the end of the world of course! Hopefully a puppy.

Have a safe and very merry new year HAHAHA... beef jerky time!

Happy F*ing New Year !!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=no6-vsHgHJg

Yup, that's right... I am an A-S-S-H-O-L-E!!! Anywho had a really fun bite to eat w/ some friends from the old Boston neighborhood at the Daily Planet last night. Food was ok, service was suspect, company was excellent! 1 thumb up.

Boy... am I fat!

So we started Thursday night and had a big dinner, then a big brunch the next morning, then another big dinner, then a small breakfast, then grazing all day then another huge dinner. It was all lovely but hot dog... it looks like I am about to give birth (presumably to a crowned pork roast)! Pretty mellow Christmas, we had easy drives, pretty easy family interactions. The big controversy was the battle between our cat and my in-laws cat. Mine is a big pussy. On the plus side, he caught a mouse last night when we got home and had another one he was messing w/ at about 4AM. I am a little freaked out though because I have no idea where he left it, or if he let it go. So there might be a dead and half eaten mouse in my house somewhere, or dead in the wall?! Boo-Yeah!!! So the best gift this year (not counting my wife's), Bose i-pod dock. Looks great, sounds great. Worst? Always a toss up but this year I am going w/ the old Transformer toys my folks stuck me w/. I thought I had left them all behind but alas, joke was on me. Well, looks like it is time for another beer to pile on the fatness!!!

Christmas is here

I can't believe I am at work today. The phone rang once between 8-10AM. Seriously... I had a pleasant day off w/ the special lady yesterday though. We did some last minute present wrapping, she made a lovely lunch (stuffed acorn squash), and we watched Mad Men and a Harry Potter movie. So the other night we had our group holiday party at Bistro 156. I will say, they did a pretty ok job. Our CIO set it up and they rolled out a series of decent apps and one waitress kept the drinks flowing. The sliders were kind of like budget White Castle but the wings were ok (I liked the spicy Thai sauce), the cheese platter was good and the artichoke dip was not bad. All in all acceptable. 1 thumb up. It is a nice space. We are all guys (except 1 trooper KB who really holds her own), so the random office hook up is out of play, except one guy was hugging alot and I might have gotten my butt grabbed. In fairness though, I am quite hard to resist. As usual though we get a little tipsy and talk shit. Sports, movies, work... pretty much everything is in play (even my height... which is B.S. since I am average for a male in the U.S.!). I like to give my boss a hard time, he is a good sport about it though. Treats me like one of those small dogs that bark alot. For some reason my keycard did not work this morning though? (just kidding). I will give credit where credit is due, most places you work the folks at the top sit in their ivory tower and send out orders to their minions. At our place those same folks will look you in the eye and engage in sometimes difficult dialogue. That is not easy but does give people a sense they are important. Now if we could just do something about those clowns that trade Corporates... The capper as usual was my cab ride home. For some reason the cabbies in Burlington want you to ride shotgun so that they can share their life stories w/ you. Oh, your brother is married to a 300lb. woman and does not save any money? Fascinating! You are a level 12 ogre on World of Warcraft? Alright! I should go to the Rusty Scuffer more often because your cousin works there and makes a great steak? Well sir, I think you are on to something!! I have a 30minute ride home... 2 thumbs down! So there you have it, next stop family business. Wish me luck!! Here is an old school video... maybe NSFW for bad language.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gfwQRjzcJE&feature=related

Have a happy long weekend!

Today's Holiday Video

Sure, why not?!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TvYOm89IcUU

2 for Tuesday!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vg9eZxpV3VA

My special lady got me a home brewing kit for Christmas. She is the best. I got her a chia-pig!

Holiday Cheer

Yup, it is that time of year... there isn't shit going on in the office. The phone rang about 4 times, I got a handful of emails, 1 inappropriate text from a colleague, and I took 2 poops! Another great winter shaping up where it snows all over the Northeast except here in VT. On the bright side it is cold as f*** so that is awesome. My special lady laugh/spit wife at a dinner party this weekend. Was it one of the funniest things I have seen lately? Hell to the yeah!!! We also had really good fish tacos w/ Alaskan salmon and halibut cheeks. Solid. BTW, Christmas shopping hell? Lowes/K-mart/kiddie book store. My head nearly exploded trying to get a few random things. I also enjoyed the "Green" store that recently opened near us. They advertised having materials for a root cellar. When I went there though, they did not, nor was the girl working there versed in the theory of a root cellar. But she thought it would be something their patrons would be interested in... Really? Think so? WTF?! Well, no more negativity, I am going to put a new holiday video up to cheer you all up, yyyaaaayyyyy!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OgnXAvh5qFs

Flu Me?! Flu You!!!

So by writing this post I can almost guarantee I will be sick in the next week or two but I am forging ahead... I read a story today on Bloomberg news relating to the flu. Apparently there have been next to no cases of "seasonal" flu this year as it has been crowded out by the dreaded "swine" flu. Bad news right? Wrong. Swine flu has killed 10k people this year, 1/3 the amount that seasonal flu annually kills. Hey, this is like global warming to me... you should drink OJ, wash your hands, try to stay healthy by all means, but if you believed the media you would think we were all going to die from the f*ing flu! People get sick, old people and children have weaker immune systems and have trouble fighting tough flu's off. This is not new nor is it news. Why do we need to find something to panic about, to slap the term pandemic on?

Went to the Bluebird Tavern for the second time last night... off the chain yo! They make a not bad Old Fashion. Head cheese sounds scary right? Well, it is delicious when fried up crispy and served on cheesy grits my friends. Deviled egg? You are devilish you little scamp! The bacon was a bid crunchy though, as in I used it to scrape the ice off my car after dinner. For my main course I rocked rabbit. It was good but there was so much fried food (meat and veggies all fried) on my plate I nearly had a coronary finishing it all... which I did! 1 8/10s up, it was a little chilly in the dining room.

Here them Ring... Ding a Ling...

I am glad this year is almost over... I am officially about to lose my mind. This has been a very frustrating year of change, uncertainty, and an unusual amount of opaqueness. Is that a word? Opaqueness? Yeah, anyway... I suppose when things are difficult, like our current situation out there; tensions run high, we all play things closer to the vest, little things become big things. Whatever, things tend to work themselves out. One thing however that will not work itself out is the crime situation in Burlington. This has always been a very safe city and a very safe state. Of course you always have drug issues, and domestic violence, and even random fights but you never really felt as if there was a sinister element or that you had to worry about anything more than petty crime. My friend and co-worker was walking to his car the other day at 5:45 in a well populated and heavily trafficked parking garage that we all park at when he was jumped by 4 random guys who beat him up and took his wallet. They did not even get his money that was in a different pocket. Really they just wanted to beat someone up. What the f*ck?! Seriously?! In the last year or two I have noticed a shift in the shady crowd around town and crimes have gotten noticeably more violent and targeted. The world has gotten smaller and it is becoming more difficult to find safe places. I will give the city credit though. News outlets are all over the story, as are city officials and the police. Citizens here are generally outraged which is good... it means we are upset at this type of situation and do not want it here. Small step I suppose. One aside here... the comments on the Burlington Free Press in response to this story are ridiculous. Dumb ass yayos have turned a sad and scary crime into a forum to berate each other, spout off on politics, and generally post to see themselves on the Internet. Shame on you. And please do not bring your guns to town... I am not sure that will make anyone feel any more at ease. Haven't you ever heard that Johnny Cash song?

Once again, 2 huge thumbs down to Lewis Motors, now Shearer Auto for not carrying basic parts for audis in stock (break lines), upselling me on services I may or may not need, and trying to mark up tires 35% over wholesale. You guys bring sucking to levels Tiger Woods would approve of!!!

OOOHHH YYEEAAHHHHHH!!!!

Why the F* not?! Pretty ok weekend. My special lady was meeting up w/ friends for dinner and even had a ride so I was free to do whatever. I poured myself a martini, ate some Mac & Cheese and watched the new Star Trek movie on Blue Ray. It was actually pretty darn entertaining. Some parts were cheesy but I thought they tied the story in w/ the mythology of the old show. Special effects were cool. Acting was not terrible. There was a little cheese factor and the guy who played Spock was a little dooshy but overall it was quite enjoyable. 1 7/8ths thumbs up.

Saturday we went and got a Christmas tree which is always nice. Pretty funny, when we brought the tree in the house the cat freaked. He turned to scamper but was in such a hurry he turned right into a basket on the floor... face first! I laughed. The tree is pretty solid, not too tall but very full. I give it 48 hours before Boomer jumps in and trashes a few ornaments. We put the generic ones down low. Saturday night we went to a perfectly pleasant holiday party that had one huge highlight. A usually reserved friend busted out a little poo conversation. Now doody is a huge topic and the cause more many chuckles at the Bird household but it is not always given its due in the public forum. Oh well, it made my night. I might divulge later, not sure yet.

Sunday was busy. We had to go to 3 places to get white lights for the tree. The final place? Creative Habitat... a store that was supposed to have closed 4 months ago!!! Take that Lowes!!! Let's Build Something Together... like inventory, assholes!!!!

Next up was a Portuguese wine tasting put on by our new can't miss wine shop Daedalus. I was not a huge fan of the wines but it was an instructive course that was well run and very informative. The pricing points were very attractive so it was a good way to get folks to try something new and different. Did you know that Portugal instituted label laws 200 years before France? You do now (1 day later than me chumps).

Finally it was on to dinner club. Awesome Greek fare. Great lamb stuffed grape leaves and super awesome gyros. Another hit. After that we were stuffed... went home and passed out on the couch for a bit. Of course before I started nodding off I caught a few minuted of Blame it on Rio. This was one of the first movies I remember seeing on cable. Michael Caine and boobs in Brazil, pretty much a home run if you ask me!

SUUUUEEEYYYYYY!!!!!

http://www.burlingtonfreepress.com/article/20091209/NEWS02/91208026/Burlington-board-to-discuss-livestock

"Pigs are on the loose in Burlington’s New North End"

Yup, one of the top stories in the award winning Burlington Free Press and let me tell you... it is the truth and a real problem. There were pigs spotted in and around The Old North Ender, then they seemed to head south into downtown. We can verify that there were pigs in Ri-Ra's, JP's and a late night sighting in Red Square! Many thanks to the Toddler and Scotty Mustache for their crack reporting!!!

The Free Press is great, a couple days ago they had a headline that it would cost $200-300 Billion to clean up Lake Champlain. Billion? Sure that would be enough?! I mean, if you work at a newspaper you need to check the headline before putting a story in print right? Isn't that the first thing you do? No? Ok... either way.

I need to go help round up pigs!

Tired of being scooped by the NY Post

So I am breaking this story... Tiger Woods latest "birdie" is none other than... Derek Jeter!!! Sources report that after a spicy video shoot for Gillette razor blades the two superstars were caught getting familiar backstage. Later, Tiger and Jeter were seen at a bar together, canoodled over some food at a restaurant, went to another club, then stayed in the same hotel!!! I know, it seems unbelievable but just think about it for awhile. Just sayin'.

I don't really have much else to post today, I am a little tired from getting massive at the gym and our weekend was pretty quiet. So I am just going to end w/ fart, turd, crap, boobs, bob saget, shaaazooooo!!!

Jay About Culture!

That's right... culture my friends, culture! Last night my Special Lady and I went to a wine tasting at an art gallery put on by Daedalus Wine Merchants here in Burlington, VT. Impressed? I thought you might be. Was I wearing a tweed jacket w/ leather elbow patches and wearing a Scottish walking hat from Hammlecer Schlemmer? Sadly, no. The tasting featured 50 wines; white, red, and champers, from several different grapes and regions. 50 seems pretty intimidating but not for big shots like ourselves! The guys at Daedalus are great. 1 went to business school w/ my wife and he is knowledgeable, patient, and a nice guy. The other is a friend of a friend and seems like a good guy too. We started in the whites and picked and choose our way though. One mistake we made was getting there early. It was a mob scene. Like a frat party you had to muscle up to the table and then park it while you went through the 5 or so wines then move on to the next table and do it all over. Many folks got in a weird dysfunctional line and tried to go in order but that did not really work. By the time we went over to the reds (the room was about 130 degrees w/ no open windows), it had cleared out a bit and we were able to move more freely which made the experience infinitely more enjoyable. By the end it was kind of funny... a bunch of older people, maybe my parents age and older, bumping around after drinking too much rather than spitting or dumping wine. Gotta pace yourselves, it's a marathon not a sprint Golden Girls! Price points were very attractive and the wines overall were very nice offering cheap wines, more expensive, table wines, every day drinking wines, chugging wines, special occasion wines, complex, rustic, challenging, gross... pretty much ran the gamut. Unfortunately our notes were on the ordering sheet we used to buy a few bottles so I will have to get back to you on details. Needless to say, a fun time was had by all (by my Special Lady and I!). We finished w/ a delicious slice of pizza from Junior's and then an episode of Mad Men on DVD at home. Pretty fun night! 2 thumbs up.

Lions, and Tigers, and Ho's... Oh My!!!

Yeah, I wanted to compete w/ the NY Post there. It is very interesting how our country is captivated by the Tiger Woods story. We love to see a squeaky clean image tarnished. I mean, the guy is no better or worse than anybody else, certainly anybody w/ looks, fame, and $$ (Jude Law). Yet, we relish in the opportunity to break him down because then he is more like the rest of us. Am I reading the stories, yup? Do I really think any less of the guy? Not really. I don't know him.

More troops in Afghanistan? What could go wrong... it worked for Russia in the 80s/90s right?!

F*ck you Iran. The international community needs to stop being such a bunch of pansies and let Israel take care of this. Now.

Lakers are pretty good no? Not the Patriots so much. What are the odds Roy Halladay can make it through an extended contract? I see a Kevin Brown doo-doo in the pants coming. I am nervous the Sox will be cleaning that duke up.

NY Times finally caught on w/ rum. Thanks for finally showing up to the party! Been enjoying that tasty nectar for years. The special lady and I are fans of several island varieties, my personal favorite is the Mt Gay extra old. It is aged in old bourbon barrels and has a very nice smoky flavor. 2 thumbs way up.

Jay About the Rusty Nail

If you notice any typos in this post, I just got back from the gym and can barely move my arms... I did so many reps, over 1000, didn't know if you heard me counting. Anyway, one more rant, f*ing assholes who bought our building (Marley Properties), refuse to properly fix the elevators, or the AC, or the leaky roof... but they thought it was a good idea to increase the roof load by erecting a cell tower on the roof. Yeah, good idea!!! Of course the monkeys they hired for the project set off the fire alarm during the late day welding exercise. Seriously. It kind of sucked to stand in the 37 degree rain rather than being inside doing my job. Clowns.

Turkey Day was quiet, very pleasant, nice to be w/ the family. The big hits were my brother's brined turkey, my mother's off the hook chocolate cream pie (not too sweet, luscious crust, light whipped cream), and my personal favorite my wife's stuffing. I love stuffing.

Saturday night we ventured out for an uncharacteristically late concert down in Stowe, Midnite. They are a really cool reggae band. We stopped first at Pie-casso which I had never been to in Stowe. Our waiter was a little slow but very fired up! I guess 285 milligrams of speed in your extra large coffee will do that! The pizza itself was pretty good. Crust was good, ingredients were pretty fresh, sauce was pedestrian. I did not love it or hate it. 1 thumb sideways. That goofy ass shit on the wall? Yeah, 2 thumbs down. We then rocked over to the Rusty Nail for the concert. Well, the band was scheduled to come on @10PM or so w/ no opener. Uh, they started around 11:30 or so. In the meantime we were treated to warm beers and a half full venue! Alright! The bartender gave my lady a little crap for not ordering a Switchback even though it was the special. The extra 50 cents is no big deal for high rollers such as ourselves chief! It was kind of funny watching the 3 or 4 ya-yos dancing by themselves (actually kind of jumping around and spinning) while random reggae played over the loudspeaker. When the band started it was a cool concert. They have cool songs and a good vibe. There could have been more people but I sort of enjoyed the room to move around, spin, sit at the bar. The one bummer was that they left TVs playing all over the place. When asked by a couple people to turn them off the bartenders served up a special of "attitude"! Thanks again Dooshy McGee!! What everyone wants is to watch Sportscenter while listening to a $25 concert!!! 1 1/2 up for the band and the music, 1 thumb down for the late start, 1 thumb up for the venue, 2 huge thumbs down for the staff.

Halibut cheeks rule!!!

Happy Turkey Day!

Yeah, it is pretty slow here right now. Phone is not ringing, email is dead, I am bored w/ the Internet (well, the parts I can read at work anyway). So here we are. I like Thanksgiving, it is by far may favorite meal. I love stuffing and gravy, dig turkey, potatoes... the whole kit and kaboodle really. So have a safe and happy holiday and I will try to muster up a complete critique of my mother's ability to host a holiday!! Just kidding.

be afraid... be very afraid!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZenBt8Q5KNM

Left to my Own Devices!

Well, I made it through another solo weekend alive... although I did spend alot of time sleeping on the living room couch as opposed to my bed. On the upside, I made a lovely French Cabbage soup from the "Joy of Cooking" on Saturday. A real step up from the usual Mac n Cheese. It went swimmingly w/ a martini . Couple quick reviews from the weekend for your viewing pleasure.

I was still pretty freaked out from the Bruno experience and was a little shy about getting back on the pay per view saddle. Well, after soup and said martini I took a chance on the Michael Cera/Jack Black epic Year 1. You know what? It was actually funny. Not great, but pretty funny. I mean, it had alot of Michael Cera doing awkward, and Jack Black doing Jack Black things but it was a little more mellow than some of their more recent adventures. I would recommend it once it comes out on HBO. One slightly drunk premium cable thumb up.

Sunday, I was tired of being home and had some errands to run anyway so I cruised into Burlington for lunch and some football. Quick aside, why do so many types of jeans have ass pockets that hang at the back of my knees? I could hide a laptop in those things. Plus they look ridiculous. But I digress. I decided to give Bistro 156 a fair chance chow wise and it seemed like a reasonable spot to catch a game, they have 6 or 7 TVs w/ all sorts of football. Surprisingly enough I was the only one there when I walked in at 1PM. Yeah, I got pretty prime bar real estate, kind of like buying a condo in Miami these days I guess. Anyway, soon after I sat down the bar filled up and so did a couple of tables in the open bar area. The dining room stayed empty for the duration. I went the safe route and ordered a bistro burger and a Switchback. Right away I noticed that the beer was cold which was a huge plus from the last time I was there. The service was prompt (and sweaty). The burger was pretty good, it was cooked w/ Worcester sauce and Gorgonzola cheese. I don't know if it was medium as I asked but I don't mind medium well so we were good. Good roll, very solid fries. It was solid. When the two wanna be Euro-trash oil money yeah this is my new haircut freaks sat next to me and started talking to each other and their cell phones at the same time I knew it was time to leave. It was kind of funny, the one dipshit ordered a Grey Goose and cranberry but instead got a GG and grapefruit juice. Cranberry and grapefruit do not really sound anything alike but whatever. So the bartender talks to assclown into a splash of cranberry and the new concoction was on the house. So when D-Bag numero deux sits down he asks what his friend is drinking, The bartender explains what his new creation is w/out mentioning his F-up and the friend does not mention it either. So D-Bag number 2 says... "Ok, that looks good, I will have one". Yeah, expensive vodka and 2 bitter fruit juices all mixed together sounds great. It sounds like you raided your parents liquor cabinet in high school you moron! Maybe it was hush money but the bartender gave me my second beer on the house. So to be fair, my experience at Bistro 156 was not bad... 1 1/8 thumbs up.

Jay About One of the WORST Movies EVER!!!

So my special lady headed to NYC yesterday and you know what that means... Jaybird gets to eat pizza, have a few beers, and watch whatever movies I like in my underwear! Yeah I know, it is an image that may be NSFW but I like to write on the bleeding edge of appropriateness. Anyway, last night the movie du-jour was the follow up to a very funny Borat, entitled Bruno. Jeez, I have seen less wiener in porno. This was one long very unfunny gay joke. To be fair, I am no stranger to such tasteless humor but this was really never funny. The movie was forced, poorly written, and lacked the freshness of the Borat movie. What was great about that was the mostly harmless humor that pointed out how ridiculous we all are and how people in general tend to take themselves too seriously. This movie, was gross, and often times quite vicious. Plus there was too much wiener. It was like Joey Chestnut at Coney Island. I am giving it 2 thumbs down and a disapproving head shake. I watched a second movie to make the badness go away. Film Numero Deux-o? Turistas! This was a movie I went into w/ low expectations and was mildly surprised. Save for one really gross scene, the rest was a somewhat classic horror movie that captured its horror from suspense rather than gore. Plus, following the age old formula, there were several hot girls cruising around in bikinis! Jackpot!! So if you want to watch a crappy mindless movie, do yourself a favor and try out Turistas... 1/2 a thumb nearly sliced off!!!

New Profession

I have decided to become a fake werewolf! My special lady and I were flipping through channels last night and ran across what seemed like an inordinate amount of shows about vampires? One was about the "vampire culture", another was top 10 vampires in movies and TV, I am sure more than a couple random crappy vampire TV shows like True Blood or Buffy the Vampire Slayer were somewhere in the mix. The one show that really got me was the one about vampire culture. All these nerds were dressed up like vampires w/ fake hair and makeup and fangs and I got to thinking... why couldn't I jump on the fake werewolf bandwagon ahead of the rush?! I mean the new movie is coming out soon w/ Benicio del Toro, and they are gaining prominence in that stupid teen vampire movie. A TV show is soon to follow on HBO and then BAM!!!! Werewolf mania!!! I will dress up like a furry werewolf. I will start a website for people who think they are a werewolf and want to get into the lifestyle. Next thing you know, I will be on some A&E special. DON'T STEAL MY IDEA!!!!! Werewolf.

yup, winter is here

Here in lovely Burlington, VT we have had a 70 degree shift in temperature today. It was 20 degrees at 7AM and is hovering in the low 50s mid afternoon. Layers? Yeah, I guess so. How come nobody has shivved those 9/11 guys in prison yet? Sure they get the child molesters and the skin heads, and maybe even Bernie Madoff but not the guys who flew planes into buildings and killed thousands of Americans? We can't get a Lee Harvey type guy to sort that out? Seriously?! How does Derek Jeter keep winning Gold Glove awards? This year he had by all accounts his best year in the field... that's right, he moved up into the realm of "adequate". Congratulations! Who finished second, David Ortiz? He is a pretty nice guy, and I am quite sure I saw him w/ a baseball glove in the dugout one time. Is Wild Turkey ever the right thing? I vote No. Hey, want an exclusive on Sarah Palin's new book? "I am a moron like most other politicians. Further I am incredibly ungrateful for the opportunity that McCain gave me that I so obviously did not deserve! Will I try to wedge my way back into the public's conscience? Sure will, most of America is even more of a dullard than I am!!! Who wants an elk pot pie?! You betcha!!" Who gives a shit who shot Nidal Hasan? I am pissed they didn't kill that piece of crap. When can we at least stop pretending that Iran is not f*cking w/ us?? It is getting a little ridiculous. Here is another advanced preview... this one for the movie 2012, IT BLOWS!!! That should be on the poster. I got suckered into watching Private Practice Last night, yeah, that was super uplifting.

OK, so what is right w/ the world? Well, there is water on the moon... that is something. The economy seems to have gotten out of its tailspin. That is also something. Andrew Bynum is finally showing a little something on the court. That is something. Kamchatka Bears... they are always something! We got some really delicious salmon from a good friend in Alaska, that is something special. Having a fun dinner w/ friends, wine , and that salmon... also something special. So there is that.

Sesame Street is 40!

Plenty of anniversaries this week... Berlin Wall fell 25 years ago, Sesame Street is 40, it is the 1 day anniversary of by beet stained poop that freaked me out pretty bad for like 10 seconds. But back to Sesame Street, that was a great show. I learned how to say agua (but not spell it), and count in Spanish to 4. Of course, it was the great Jerry Remy who taught me how to say Good afternoon, and good evening in broken Spanish. I liked Cookie Monster and Oscar the Grouch best but Snufalumpagus was a dark horse favorite. I also liked the way it was a little dirty on Sesame Street. Very authentic, seriously... they don't teach Spanish from garbage cans on 5th Ave.

Anyway, here is a little gem. 2 actually.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21OH0wlkfbc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-Wd-Q3F8KM

Jay About Chamonix

Yes, that's right, it is the stunning finale of the French extravaganza!!! Heading out of Burgundy we took a really beautiful drive up and into the mountains South and East of Burgundy. Wonderful small towns dotted the hillsides as we cruised the winding roads. Bridges high above valleys? Check! Tunnels through the hills? Check!! Mi scusi!! Finally, we cruised into Chamonix. Now, Chamonix is not really much different than any other ski town. It is filled w/ dooshy ski/snowboard bums. Those clowns that don't really like to work and prefer to give you dirty looks even though you are sustaining their lifestyle. Even better in Chamonix? The combo douche factor incorporated by ski-bum crossed w/ French guy! It is like the nexus of the douche universe. All of the furry coats, silly boots, and farked up sunglass hat combo in 60 degree weather you can handle bro!

OK, enough of that. The countryside itself is beautiful. Huge spruce and pines line the foothills, that climb into sheer rocky cliffs and then rise even higher to snow capped peaks at Mont Blanc. Really stunning! Our lodgings were Chalets de Philippe.. http://www.chaletsphilippe.com/ and it was cool as all get out! Yeah yeah, another score for my special lady. It was like cruising into a gingerbread town on a hill. We had this amazing little chalet that was small but probably more well appointed than my house. Great shower, clean crapper, comfortable bed, flat screen TV, Hermes bath products. Of course we had a view from our deck of the valley and Mont Blanc. Oh yeah, there was a spa across the walk w/ hot tubs, steam room, sauna. Pretty cool. Oh yeah, there was also a sick screening room w/ large screen and a "prototype" HD projector not even sold in stores because it is too high end. Awesome!

we spent our couple days in the Alps rolling out the door and then doing amazing hikes w/ great views, straight up trails, a few rails and ladders... glaciers. Really amazing. Clean air. I just can't say enough how cool it was. We then cruised home and used our kitchenette to make tasty pasta dishes w/ French cheese and cream and jambon... Jamb On is right my friends!!! Did I mention they proprietor would leave fresh squeezed juice and croissants for us in a little basket at out door in the mornings? That was pretty ok too. We did go out one night in town and it was pretty crappy. The only upside were the giant beers I had. Bigger than a man's head, deeper than ocean, colder than... uh, never mind, they were just big.

So there you have it. An amazing trip start to finish.

Jay About Burgundy!

So we stop into the Hertz rental place which is located in the catacombs under the Louvre (naturally) and pick up our car. It was the smoothest pick up ever, took like 5 minutes. Of course we probably should have known something was up when the checkout lady asked if we really wanted the compact car. Well, the little Ford was slightly bigger than a bumper car, barely fit 2 people and 2 suitcases, and maxed out at about 75MPH but it was ok otherwise... So thanks to TomTom, we got ourselves our of Paris, onto the A6 South and we were off to Burgundy! It was really a pleasant drive. We ate cheese and baguette and cruised through wonderful rolling pasture land dotted w/ small villages. Once you really got out of the suburbs and into the country it was amazing. Farm land as far as the eye could see and then a small town that featured one central old stone church surrounded by 10-20 old stone farm houses. Everyone was the same and looked like a movie set. Our first stop was the town of Vezelay. It was a slightly larger (but still very small) town set up on a hill w/ a much larger Gothic church in the center. This amazing abbey was built around the beginning of the last century and housed relics of Mary Magdalene. Very cool place. Second stop was a pretty little medieval town Semur Auxois where we strolled around and then had a beer. We then rolled down to our cool B&B Les Roches. This was an old chateau type building that some fancy pants Frenchie bought for his mistress way back. Now it is a beautiful B&B run by a chill gay couple from Germany. Wonderfully refurbished, very nice grounds, great breakfast, plenty of optional activities, clean, and super spacious. 2 thumbs up... it was a great place to stay. Dinner was a local place in a nearby town of Arnay, La Couronne? Very old school French and really pretty solid food. Very nice cheese plate, nice win, ok beef bourgoine... terrible service from snotty little shit teenagers. Seriously, by the end of dinner I wanted to punch the foofy kid in the face. Joke was on them though, some other guy had his dog there who knocked into the table and broke a glass on the floor. 1 thumb sideways.

Day 2 was also great. We stopped in Commarin to tour the chateau. Super sleepy town. Apparently people live in the chateau because even though you pay an entrance fee you can only walk around the house but not go too near it and certainly not in it. Weird right? Next stop was a tour of a much cooler Chateauneuf en Auxois. Really beautiful town and a very cool chateau that was very well maintained and very old. Bonus was that they still had the old school hole in the ground crapper... yeah, we took pictures of ourselves taking fake dumps! We then took a lovely stroll in the woods behind the town. The trees were all sorts of fall colors and it was like being straight in Robin Hood! Needless to say I robbed some rich looking punks and gave their money to... uh, yeah, I kept it for wine money! That night we collected several cheeses, fruit, baguette, wine, and macaroons and had a very nice picnic in our very spacious room. Solid!

Day 3 was a trip through wine country. It was amazing, just vineyards packed into the low hills and valleys surrounding the wine way on the trip to Beaune. Beaune itself is a larger town that is packed w/ stores, cafes, wine cellars, and the hospice where Louis XIV used to stay when he was outside Paris. Cool town... the highlight was certainly our tour of the Patriarche wine cave. http://www.patriarche.com/spip.php?lang=en Holy cats! You pay $20 and they give you 2 tasting cups and send you on your way. The tours starts w/ a history of the label and the family and then you descend into the caves... a vast cellar w/ millions (literally) of wine bottles of various vintages. Pretty cool seeing all of the bottles and looking for the oldest ones. But then... you roll into a series of rooms unsupervised w/ a bunch of open bottles of wine, and it is GO TIME!!! There were some really great wines highlighted by the Meursault, Puligny Montrachet, and Chassagne Montrachet white Burgundies!!! BTW, the pink champagne was an unbelievable value for a very solid wine. That was fun. Of course coming into the light after a few hours (and glasses) in the caves was slightly shocking! After a little sit down and some coffee, it was on to our last Burgundy hotel La Maison de Olivier LeFlaive. This was a really well appointed spacious room w/ an unbelievable tub! Another top selection by my special lady... 2 thumbs up. We also hit up dinner and a wine tasting from the Domaine de LeFlaive. 14 wines... just what I needed! The food was ok at best, very plain by French standards. The main chicken course was very pedestrian. The cheese course was very nice though. The wines were exceptional though... once again highlighted by various white Burgundies from the Puligny and Chassagne regions. Needless to say after another wonderful tasting I was glassy eyed and staring at tennis in French on TV. Good times. 1 3/4 thumbs up... good service, great wine, crappy coffee, ok food.

And that was that... next stop, Chamonix!!!

Jay About Paris Part Deux!

Ok, so day 2 we get a restless night's sleep and then wake up and head out. First off another delicious petite dejeuner or croissant (light and flaky), espresso (strong and well balanced), and freshly squeezed OJ (awesome). Then we started another walking tour of the city. I am not sure if it was the weekend crowd or what but there were crazy ass lines everywhere! I mean, like 1hr+ lines to get into everything. My lady and I are not fans of lines. However, Paris is such an architectural wonder, you can just wander around the city and see amazing things without ever going into anywhere. Eiffel Tower, Napoleon's tomb, The Louvre... all really cool places. The one spot we did wait for was the Rodin museum. Fricken cool. The gates of hell, the thinker, Balzac (hahahahaha... Balzac)... all the hits were there. Rodin also had an amazing personal collection of works by Van Gogh and Renoir. Really amazing.

We got lucky and were able to meet up w/ a real good college buddy of mine and his wife that night. Funny thing was, apparently it was daylight saving time day but we had no idea. Thought my friend was like 2 hours late, when really that was not the case. We did set out for a late dinner though and hit up a little place around the corner from our hotel on I think Jacob Street... maybe called Le Poullet (or maybe not). I had a very nice green salad and then an amazing rich lupine in cream sauce. Oh baby! Couple drinks later and it was another day in the books.

Day 3 was really something. We dressed up (jacket and tie for me, pretty dress for the wife), walked up to the Arc de Triumph (another ridiculous line to the top), and then on to a super fancy dinner at Traillevant.. a haute cuisine joint. Now dinner at a place like this runs well over $1k. Lunch was not cheap either! But, it was like nothing I had ever experienced before. We were in a small dining room w/ 4 other tables and about 20 people waiting on us. We started w/ cheese puffs that melted in your mouth w/ cheesy flavor to spare. 1st course was a salmon mouse w/ basil(?) sorbet. Odd texture and crazy strong salmon flavor but a cooking masterpiece. Next up, foie gras ravioli in a foam de canard. Flavor? You want flavor?! Holy cats... this dish punched you in the mouth! Very good but rich, very rich. Next, the entree... My wife had a very nice cod fish. I had wild boar in a cherry demiglace topped w/ a rich cheese sauce. Oh, man... this was sick. I crushed it! In fact, one of our servers came w/ more sauce as I was sopping every last drop w/ bread. Next, was a cheese course... blue cheese shaped like eggs that had an intense flavor and creamy texture. whoa. And then ice cream! Chocolate for the lady, vanilla for me. Finally a coffee w/ several little desserts. Of course we had a somelier the whole time pairing amazing wines that were subtle and perfectly matched to our food. This was truly an unforgettable experience though the food was so rich and flavorful it made for a challenging lunch for food novices such as ourselves. 2 huge thumbs up. Of course we had to walk it off after that. We cruised over to the Eiffel Tower and got in line. This was the one time I wanted to punch a French person. Those douchebags think nothing of cutting in line and no one tries to stop the practice! Well we did!!! No cutting the Birds surrender monkeys!!! The Tower was pretty cool and the view was amazing but if you go forget about the trip to the very top... it is a let down. Just cruise to the mid level, it is cool and you save $$ and aggravation. And more French dooshbaggery!!!

We finished the day up w/ a nice boat ride on the river. It is a very pleasant way to see many sights and have a little down time. I highly suggest it if you are a tourist looking to see some cool stuff. A couple last highlights from Paris... The Eiffel Tower at night is really something. Try a macaroon... just do it! Pastries, cheeses, wines, baguettes... all amazing. Just cruise into little places along the streets, you will thank me for it.

Ok, I am exhausted again... next stop... Burgundy!!!!!

Jay About Paris! (Part 1)

I would like to say I am making my triumphant return and there will be a Arc De Triumph II raised just for me here in Burlington... but I am seriously jet lagged and feel like a deflated balloon. My special lady and I returned from our 10 day odyssey in France last night and let's just say it was great! While a great time it was not like a relaxing beach vacation, this was serious and we are tired. So I figure this trip deserves a little time and multiple posts, the first involving our time in Paris. Before I start let me dispel a bit of unpleasantness that would naturally come at the end. When you think of Switzerland you think of cleanliness, efficiency, chocolate... well the Airport in Geneva is inefficient, dirty, ugly, and looks like a Eastern Bloc Cold War reject. Scummy dudes doing construction on a falling apart piece of concrete. But they were showing number one new show... Miami Vice!!! We tried to return our rental car and were told we had to return it to the "French side" of the airport or pay 155 euros. That is like $260!!! to return the f*ing car to the other side of the f*ing airport!!! Stupid Hertz, of course they did not mention this when we rented the car, or picked it up in Paris. So we drive around for 10 or 15 circles and cross the French/Swiss border several times before finding a non descript side road that took us to the gross side of the airport. I could not have found that if the signs were in English!! On the bright side all of our flights were on time and United did us pretty solid.

OK, on to the good stuff. We hopped on a plane in Burlington on a Friday and had a very comfortable and on time trip to DC. We then had a timely but not so comfortable flight to Paris. 6 hours, my wife and I were separated and stuck in the middle of the middle of a 747. Not good times. On the bright side I was able to watch the new Transformers movie. Pretty good plane movie, dumb, fast moving, and a time killer. 2 plane-worthy thumbs up. The pasta dinner? yikes... 1 plane worthy thumb down!

We arrived in the "city of lights" at around 7am France time... so we basically found ourselves up super early, w/ no sleep, and no way to check into our hotel until after lunch... good times! Gunny thing was it was really dark until well after 8am. The day started great, it was quiet and we were able to stroll around in peace. We wandered around the Louvre and the streets around our place which we very nice and then headed North to check out Sacre Coeur. Then it started raining. We wandered aimlessly for a few hours getting rained on and more lost, and more cranky at each other as the lack of sleep set in. We did however stop at a nice little cafe and had our first delicious petite dejeuner. Espresso, croissant or toast, and freshly squeezed OJ. It really is a perfect breakfast. The juice and espresso were fabulous and seriously the croissants in France are as advertised. Out of this world. We found ourselves off the Parisian map, and huddled in a phone booth w/ a compass trying to figure out where we were?! Well, we finally found the church and it was amazing. What is really great about Paris is that the city is beautiful. All of it. Almost every building is wonderfully detailed and an architectural beauty. It is just old and detailed in a way that could not exist in a new world country like the U.S.. After that it was time to hop on the Metro and get to our hotel for a nap.

This is a good time to mention how awesome my lady is. She did the heavy lifting on planning this trip and nailed it. She picked amazing hotels, restaurants, and activities. Then, she toured us around Paris (I was lost in seconds and never really got my bearings), and then to top it off she translated for her oafish husband the whole time making everything a thousand times easier.

OK, so we stayed for 3 nights at the Hotel Verneuil on the Left Bank in Paris. Great location, clean (small) room, and decent service. The rates were very reasonable. 1 1/4 thumbs up... mostly for location and price. Needless to say we hit the bed and slept for an hour to get ourselves back to normal. After a rest we pulled it together and headed out to dinner @ Les Itinaires. Wow... my wife started w/ an amazing scallop cruto that was melt in your mouth delicious w/ an amazing delicate flavor. I had a potato soup that was light and subtle and also phenomenal. The mushrooms were cut so thin they disappeared on mouth impact! The entrees were good as well, but not quite as good as the apps. Ladybird had a solid cod with good flavor but a bit much on the plate. I had a chicken dish that was good and possibly great by American standards. The service was very good and the wine (white Burgundy as I recall) was out of sight. ! 1/2 french thumbs up... 2 American thumbs up. The soups and scallops were real highlights of our culinary experience in France. We were really able to turn day 1 around and make it a good day after a tough start. Go Team!!!

OK, I am a little wiped out... part two of Paris tomorrow!

Vive La France!

Well, this is most likely the last post I will make for 10 days. My special lady and I are off to the home of the cheese eating surrender monkeys... France! I know, I know, you are saying to yourself "Jay, why would you ever go to France?!". I don't always like French people because they are kind of jerks but that does not mean I am not interested in taking in the sites, the sounds, and bathing in the rich French culture (smells like Verbena I am told). We are pretty excited. Take off tomorrow mid day and get to Paris at 6AM Saturday. No sleep, no available hotel to check into, rain... should be an interesting first day but I am sure the adrenaline will get us through. So wish us luck and see you in a week+!!!!

Why is it Dark @ 5PM?!?!?!

Dang! Played b-ball for the first time this season last night and I am spent! My whole body hurts. Plus I could barely eat last night and my hands were shaking. Think I am getting old fast. So I have been really disturbed today by the story in the NY Post concerning ex-Mets GM and current ESPN analyst Steve Phillips. I mean, it is a terrible story that he cheated on his wife and let his kids down. It is even worse that he did it w/ by all accounts a work subordinate. Even worse... he was doing the same thing w/ the Mets and that got him fired. But the absolute worst part of the story? That girl is super busted looking and CRAZY!!!!!

I know I wrote about it before but why are we keeping Pete Rose out of the baseball HOF? Everyone is back in love w/ David Ortiz, Manny, and the entire Yankees team and they are cheaters? A-Job lied over and over about the steroids and tried to sully the reporter who called him out. What is the difference between that and Rose? Cheaters...

Raj & Kumar Go to White Collar Prison!

It is the newest flick from the people that brought you Weekend at Bernie's III, Cell Block 2B, and who could forget Madoff in Manhattan, with Your Money!!!, and the classic How do you Take Your Cioffi? With Ponzi and Cream!!! Good times. Is it really that shocking to discover guys who make billions on trades they will not disclose to their own customers are criminals? Seriously? 25% returns are abnormal and not really repeatable. I'm sorry, that is just the way it is. If you could beat the system it would not be a system. It's like Vegas... if people could really beat Vegas on a consistent basis it would not make sense to own a casino and Vegas would not exist. Which leads me to a movie review... 21. Watched it last night on Pay Per View w/ my special lady. It was not horrible but it was not really good either. The movie started out ok and was interesting but then fell into a tired formula. The kid started melting down, the foreshadowing was like a sledgehammer to the face, and the ending was so predictable a weatherman could figure it out. The kid in it looked completely different when he was in Vegas than he did in Cambridge. It was funny, like the producers wanted you to know he had different personalities so bad they hired 2 different actors! Kate Bosworth is sometimes really hot... sometimes not. She needs a sandwich. And chips. 1 thumb sideways.

We were on the road looking for a light lunch the other day and stopped into a place we never think of, Harrington's, in Shelburne. It was great. They have really good turkey, and ham. It is not slimy, has great texture and flavor. They use good bread, good cheese, and solid veggies. It is neither too much nor too little. Plus, the price is very reasonable. Really flies under the radar but I am going 2 thumbs up. Tell them Jay sent you... and then laugh when they look at you like you are about to rob the place!!!!!

It's Movie Time!!!!

First off, let me mention that when I woke up this morning it was 37 degrees and raining. Lows for the week are expected to get into the mid twenties, highs in the high forties. That my friends sucks donkey balls! I was also a little bummed about how meekly the Sox exited the playoffs, couldn't hit... couldn't pitch. I did however get a little party time in, witnessed the gory aftermath of a bouncy house gone wrong and a knee to the face... that was pretty funny. Got some time wandering around in the woods and clearing some brush which is a pretty good way to spend what should have been a work day. I also was able to get some movie time in! Friday night my special lady and I met up to see the movie Couple's Retreat which had a solid ensemble cast and looked very funny. Yikes... I need a therapist because I was thinking about breaking up w/ movies after this movie. It was really not very funny. There were a couple parts that were ok but overall it is a renter. The jokes were beaten like a dead horse and the female characters were very dull. Plus Jason Bateman mailed it in pretty bad. 1 thumb sideways but leaning ever so slightly down. The bright side is that we made a mean plate of no-meat nachos afterwards that were absolutely delicious! Uh, then we passed out around 10PM which was a little lame. Sunday night we decided to take a peak at our Netflix movie I Love You Man. Well director... I hate you, man. Very unfunny. Paul Rudd was a dud. Hahahahaha. The guy from Saving Sarah Silverman was also not funny, but he kept his junk holstered in this movie so that was cool. Really nothing to talk about here, a dull 1 thumb down. Monday we had an unexpected and pleasant surprise. While eating some chili and anticipating some work to be done, my buddy and I came across House Bunny on one of the premium channels (HBO or Showtime). To be fair the first 2 minute we watched had Anna Faris naked from behind which was pretty awesome and totally sucked us in. She was half naked for the rest of the movie. I think this would be a pretty ok date movie. It is the story of female discovery and empowerment... staying true to yourself... and at the same time there are hot girls in skimpy clothing and some pretty funny jokes sprinkled in. The midget and pregnant woman, and girl from Idaho were a little creepy... trust me. Anyway, I'll give it a thumb up, why not! Tonight begins a bit of a difficult week, friend dinner, 2 work dinners, and possibly work outing. Sounds fun and probably will be but these things leave me pretty wiped out. Wish me luck. I said WISH ME LUCK!!!!!

Jay About... Holy Smokes!!!!

So a couple of us decided to make a trip up to Bueno Y Sano for a burrito the other day and notice 4 cop cars and an ambulance in front of the building. Never good to see an ambulance in front of the place you are about to purchase food from. Of course this led to a discussion about whether or not we would eat there anyway... even if there was a dead body. The conclusion? Yeah probably. Fortunately we did not have to face that awful decision... the crowd was all in the alley between Finnegan's Pub and Stone Soup. I casually mentioned it must be a jumper. Well, as we wait in line that was confirmed by the burrito guy. Some clown was robbing an apartment when the cops busted in. What do you do? Well, if you are this tool you make a break for it by jumping out of a fourth story window onto concrete. You can guess how that went.

http://www.burlingtonfreepress.com/article/20091009/NEWS02/91008021

Now I have certainly have jumped out of buildings when in trouble (hey my wife is scary), but I like to cap it at 2 stories for f* sakes.

Speaking of trouble... the Red Sox if they don't start hitting. Nice to see Ortiz returning to form. Probably ok, the Yankees may have won but they were also pretty shaky. A vastly inferior Twins team outhit them and left 16 guys on base. BTW, why is the Sox game on at 8:30 PM Monday night? I can't stay up to watch that. East Coast... East Coast!!! I like Drink in Burlington, solid female bartender, good vibe, great drink specials. Super cold beer!

Boomer, our cat caught a mouse last night. Mrs. Bird turned on the lights and started freaking at 3:30AM after she heard something in my closet. I went out, grabbed Boomer and tossed him in the closet and BAM!!!! He snagged the mouse then made a run for it. I know he will not eat it, only play w/ it until it is dead and then leave the body to rot in a weird place. So I had to chase him around for the nest 15 minutes until I poked him w/ a broom, he dropped it, I stomped on it, and then picked it up w/ a dust pan and threw it outside. Why do these things always happen a 3 F*ING AM in the morning!!!!

High Fives... apparently this site (and probably most blogs but don't ruin it for me) has been blocked by the stuffed shirts at E-Trade. Take that The MAN!!!!!!

Jay About Junior's!

Ever find something that has been right in front of you for some time? My wife and I were taking a walk the other day and I noticed trees trimmed in a very odd shape around power lines. My lady said we had talked about this before but she is making that up. Anyway, it was a fun find for me! Well today, it was like finding $20 in an old pair of pants... lunch at Junior's! The place has been there for over a year and I have had pizza there for dinner or late night several times. It is always very good! But today as we were wondering what tired and uninspired place we should choose for lunch I started thinking meatball sub. That is when Big Hair Todd and the Monsters suggested... Junior's!! There were so many tasty looking choices but I went w/ the meatballs w/ onions and peppers. After getting a look at the large roll I went w/ the small... which was huge. This thing was stuffed w/ meatballs, onions, peppers, and tons of melted cheese. The bun was very good and toasted to crispy perfection. The meatballs were a little heavy handed w/ the garlic but good. The accouterments? fantastic. All for less than $10. The cookie I did not need but also picked up was a disappointment, I still have 1/2 sitting here and it will most certainly get tossed. The money shot? While we waited we got the special treat of watching The Price is Right... in fact we timed it just right to hit the showcase showdown!!! Boo-Yeah!!!! In the Rotation and 1 7/8ths thumbs up!!!!!!!!!

wow

So I am currently hiding in the upstairs office because my wife is hosting "wine group" and it is intense! After that Kid Rock concert I was all fired up to download a few songs but he is not on I-Tunes? WTF?!?! Speaking of I-Tunes... I just got an I-Phone for work and at first blush it sucks. Unlike my Blackberry it gets no reception, is always looking for a wi-fi signal as opposed to just the cell signal and since it is an AT&T service there is little to no cell coverage anyway. BOOOOO!!!!

OK, so the Sox really backed into the playoffs and I am not super confident that they can make a real run. Beckett is shaky and the whole team just doesn't seem quite right. The Yankees look pretty good heading in but their pitching is also suspect. OK, here is something I really hate about NY sports... I know I have mentioned it before but there is no other city that sucks up to their athletes and teams as bad as NY. If you are a mediocre team/player in NY the media will make you out to be a god. The J-E-T-S for example. Nice start to the season but according to NY papers they are already Super Bowl bound. Oh yeah, they just lost and are not going to even go to the Super Bowl w/ their rookie QB. Stamp it! On the flip side, the Patriots lost 1 game and in New England we are convinced they are F**cked! I listen to Yankees and Red Sox baseball on my drive home. WEEI, the Sox station holds to the Protestant ethic... you can never be good enough to gain praise. If Dice-K pitches 7 shut out innings and then gives up a run... Bum! Close play at the plate? Sox player is definitely out! Borderline strike for Lester? Yeah probably a ball. The Yankees station?A-Roid is already a top 3 all time great. Jeter goes 1 for 6? That 1 hit was the play of the game... amazing plate awareness. Borderline strike for Pettite? oh yeah, that was a strike... no doubt about it, in fact Andy is looking very sharp tonight, he may be throwing 112 MPH despite what the radar gun says, did you know he can read minds, see into the future, and may be the best left hand pitcher ever? Jack-asses. That is why people think a guy w/ no range to his left is a gold glover, why Joe Namath w/ stats not up to par w/ Jim McMahon is in the hall of fame and Clyde Frazier is somehow a legend when he has stats that rival Xavier McDaniel. Meanwhile, an all time hero David Ortiz had a tough start to the season and we here in New England wanted to trade him for a 12 pack of beer and Gabe Kapler!!! Dang...

Yeah... So, Um... Errrr

That post yesterday was boring and sucky and frankly uninspired. So what? So Let's Party!!! Is there anything harder to grill than chicken? I mean, rare steak is ok and I actually prefer merely seared fish. Pork is tough but man, you have got to cook fowl. But if you cook it too much? Dry. My dad cooks a perfect chicken on the grill, it is really an art. Unlike my friend Scotty Mustache... he mostly chokes chickens and there really is no art to that. Hahahahaha. Know what's fun? Turning your blinker light on and then going straight! Or slowing down and then last minute after you are already turning putting the old blinker on!!! How many good movies are on Comcast On Demand right now? 0. there are 0 movies that look really interesting. Fun times w/ Iran... they get caught making nuclear weapons, we threaten them w/ sanctions, Russia and China skirt those sanctions, we bluster, they laugh, Israel stews. This is bound to end well right? I mean, what we need right now are unstable yayos w/ weapons that can destroy whole cities... am I right people?! Jim Douglas decided not to run for Governor of VT next term. That is bad news for our state. He is intelligent, fair, and steady. Pretty much the opposite of our senator Bernie Sanders... On the bright side, the stoner population might elect the lt Governor Brian Dubie which would be ok, hehe Dubie! OK, off to NYC for a few meetings, some schmoozing, and maybe a little boozing! Thank you, thank you...

Jay About a List... Why Not?!

I dunno, played a little golf, had a nice day w/ the family this weekend... not really much to review? But, I have been listening to a fair amount of Guns N' Roses lately and I can confidently say that they are my favorite band. Sure, The Beatles are the ground breakers and produced consistently great music, and the Stones pioneered the type or dirty blues rock , etc... But for a tiny moment GNR hit a groove that in my mind cannot be matched. So let's take a little look at one man's top 10 song list from the dirtiest, nastiest, most electrifying band, EVER!!!

10. Estranged; Power ballad, sort of.

9. Welcome to the Jungle; Started it all and was so grimy you sort of have to take a shower after listening to it, or go to the clinic!

8. Chinese Democracy; I'll admit it... I like this song. I think it rips and I think Buckethead really makes it happen. I like this album even though it only sort of sounds like Guns.

7. Sweet Child O' Mine; I actually don't care for most of this song but when Slash hits the solo he sounds like all of the greats... high on heroin!

6. You Could Be Mine: This one has grown on me... the first time I heard it I thought it was kind of lame but a little time has aged it like a fine wine... you know, like Cold Duck or Boons Farm.

5. It's So Easy; Great bass line and that one line "Why don't you just F*ck Off!!" I loved the F* bomb when this came out (still do) and this was this first non rap song where they just said what you were sometimes feeling.

4. Coma; I don't know why other than it seems to capture an insanity and the buildup is so intense until it finally hits a crescendo where a guy essentially dies!

3. Crazy (acoustic version): Dirty, bluesy... makes me want to smoke a cigarette and I don't smoke.

2. Rocket Queen; Huge drums, big guitar, epic soundscape, and Axl had sex w/ a girl in the studio and put it on the record. Seriously!

1. Mr. Brownstone; "I don't worry about nuthin' no, cause worryin' is a waste of my time." Well said Axl, well said...

So there you have it on an uninspired Monday.

Worst Lunch in VT?

So the other day I was rolling into work and started to get aggravated by the other morons on the road. Quick aside... I saw a woman flossing while driving the other day. FLOSSING!!!! In the act of flossing, your 2 hands are effectively tied together. It is like a prison breakout for f*ck sake. Anyway... the other day I had big oil truck camped out in the passing lane, assorted soccer moms weaving and yelling at their kinds in the backseat, and of course a few teenagers on their cellphones putting every one's life at risk. Oh yeah, the old man crossing guard on 4 lane rt. 7 that always motions for everyone to slow down... flipped that doosh off. So I finally get to the office and as usual 1 elevator (of 2) is broken so I have to wait forever and then fill into the cattle car w/ 75 other people. I get up to my desk only to have a co-worker tell me I left my headlights on so I have to wait for the elevator ride down, turn the light off and then wait, cram in, and stop at all 8 floors on my way back to our office. I am pretty ticked off at this point. So work is going fine until mid day when I let a coworker talk me into going to New Moon for lunch. To be fair, my wife likes New Moon for a sit down to do work while having a coffee or a bite to eat. I hate the place and this day was a perfect example as to why. JB and I roll in at the same time. He goes to the salad line, I go to the sandwich line. There are naturally only 3 people working even though it is busy and lunchtime. So I watch JB get waited on... I am next in line and the only one in the sandwich line. So naturally the next open server asks who's nest, walks right by me and waits on the tourists who happily cut me in line. I then watch 2 other folks in the "salad" line cut me and order sandwiches. Now I don't like the food at New Moon, it is pedestrian at best and all of it is grossly overpriced. Throw in terrible service and the tourist line cut factor? I lost my shit. While using all of my strength not to either yell out an F-Bomb, or chew one of the waiters or cutters... I walk out. This is not the first time I have waled out w/out food from this dump. Of course I am ultimately the idiot for going back. So there you go... worst lunch place in VT.

Needless to say my day did not get any better. That is, until I got home. My special lady was out to dinner so when I saw her headlights coming up the driveway I hid. Then as she got to the door I jumped out and scarred the crap out of her! So that was pretty fun. How is my day going today? Fine... I am just plotting my revenge on New Moon. Thinking about going and standing in line but not ordering anything... just standing there and farting. Farting...