Heroin of the tissue world

I'll just get this out of the way quickly... pretty impressive Boston sports scene right now... Patriots finish up a perfect 16-0 season against a Giants team who had their best game all season. the Celtics sit atop the NBA after completing a 4 game West Coast swing, and the Red Sox are World Champs. Good times. Special props to retired QB Earl Morrall who seemed to be the only '72 Dolphin to congratulate the Pats and accept how good they were this season. The rest were bitter and just plain silly. The 'Phins were good but there is not anyone outside of Miami who actually considers them a top 3 all time team, so that makes them kind of good and really lucky.

Enough of that... watched 2 movies over the weekend. Alpha Dog, pretty interesting movie, decent cast, and believe it or not Justin Timberlake was pretty good... The second gem was Live Free or Die Hard starring 80 year old Bruce Willis and that guy from the Mac ads. Bruce Willis is great because his plastic surgery is just weird. Plus he tries to make Bruce Willis faces but can barely stretch a smile. This movie was so ridiculous my lady and I found it truly entertaining. F*** it, it's the holidays, I'm handing out 4 total thumbs up!

And for my final thought of 2007 I present you the miracle product break through destined to change the course of human history (or at least that of my house)... I give you, Puffs Plus w/ the Scent of Vicks!!!!!! Bum ba da da, bum ba da da da da!!!!!! These tissues are like crack. Seriously, I am blowing my nose even when it is not runny or stuffed, or regardless if there is snot at all in there! It is so soothing and at the same time tingly. Oh Baby!!! Everyone who tries them is instantly hooked as well. So if you try one new product for '08, make it the Puffs w/ Vicks. *Think I should get paid for this type of pitching!!!! http://www.puffs.com/en_US/pages/products_plus_with_vicks.shtml

Happy New Year

I'm your private dancer

Dancing for money, do what you want me to do...

The NFL folds under pressure and will simulcast the Pats/Giants game on not 1 major network but 2! I am setting the unofficial line at Pats +62

Newest vacation hot spot? Pakistan!!! I can't remember the last assassination of a major political figure and that is a good thing. F*ing Pakistan.

At what point did the Republican party decide to become Democrats? Wild spending, overreaching federal powers over the states, the only things they have kept is a healthy military budget and tax cuts. GW's latest slap in the face is a not so subtle pressure on the EPA, guiding them in their effort to deny California's right to limit new car and truck emissions. Reason being, it is better to have an overall federal plan to protect the environment rather than state by state. That is a good idea because we all know how much of an environmental defender GW is. Plus, cutting emissions just doesn't make any sense at all, what could possibly be the benefit of that? If you are reading my blog George (and I have to assume that you are)... get out of the state's kitchen! You are making the Govenator look like a rocket surgeon!!!!!!

You know him, you love him... Michael Bolton!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvvvGeCNpRk

So I couldn't give 2 shits about hotel magnate Barron Hilton stiffing his grand kids out of their inheritance, but how great is the name Barron Hilton?! Does that guy cruise around w/ a monocle, cane, and possibly a dueling pistol? Awesome!

So the Celtics keep winning which is fun... the Knicks, not so much. Great article in the NY Post which is by far my favorite paper. http://www.nypost.com/seven/12272007/sports/knicks/magic_kingdumb_734931.htm

Been going back and forth... is Keira Knightly hot or not? Sometimes she looks amazing, other times she is way too skinny and has a weird nose. I literally spent 2 hours wondering if she was hot, I had to watch Pirates of the Caribbean 3 twice to actually follow the plot. By the way, the Saint Bart's bikini shots of Nicholette Sheridan? I might have given up on her too early...

And finally, in honor of the upcoming Knight Rider revival... the video of the day http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZffqanrFE8Q

Christmas hangover

well, another holiday has come and gone and I am wiped out. As your family gets bigger and you start to get in-laws upon in-laws... well these get togethers seem to get less relaxing. I find myself trying to stay busy in the kitchen so as to stay out of the family hurricane. Yesterday I managed to work myself into a fever and was pretty banged up... I couldn't even drink wine and limoncello which is one of my favorite Christmas activities. Couple quick observations; did you know Danny Devito has his own limoncello? Maybe Britney Spears should jump on that bandwagon and introduce her own wine cooler? My company sent out a Merry Christmas card... it was a very nice gesture but I wonder how people who are not Christians feel about it. We didn't receive a happy Hanukkah card or anything, just saying. Whover the dipshits are who drive around w/ their cars decorated like Rudolph (antlers and red nose on hood) or that yah-yo who had Christmas lights lit up on their roof rack... yeah that is a sweet look, run with that!! Ever notice you can drive as fast as you want on Christmas? No cops!!! Only guy to f**** up as many jobs as Isiah Thomas? George W. Bush... and he became a 2 term president!! Get your Isiah in '16 bumper stickers now to beat the crowd!!!!! Kenny Rogers' The Gift truly is a gift, pick one up for yourself or someone you love!

My father in law is a pretty funny character, we were bringing up some crab cakes from the basement fridge when I heard this loud crash behind me (and an F-bomb). I turned to see him sprawled on the stairs with crab cake all over. I asked if he was ok and just got a "NO". It was one of those times where you feel really bad but are also trying not to laugh. We scooped the crab off the stairs and served 'em up! Had a pretty good laugh about it later as well. Hope the rest of the fam doesn't read this blog (I think I'm safe). My in-in-laws spent the day walking laps in the house trying to sync up their new pedometers, that wasn't weird. On the bright side I am starting to appreciate the strangeness, in small doses. Oh yeah, our highlight gift? My wife and I opened a Tiffany box from her parents, we thought we might have hit the jackpot! Well, the jackpot was a container of laundry detergent... bunch of comedians!!! So with that, I bid you adieu, I am off to cure my hangover the only way I know how... Bloody Mary!!

A little present of song

... with a little help from my co-worker Dick...

Ahem

On the first day of Christmas I got so F*ing drunk,
I puked in my garbage can
On the second day of Christmas I got so F*ing drunk,
I peed a little in my in my bed
and I puked in a garbage can
On the third day of Christmas I got so F*ing drunk,
I drove my car into a lake
peed in my bed and puked in a garbage can
On the fourth day of Christmas I got so F*ing drunk,
I gave my boss a noogie
drove into a lake,peed in my bed, and barfed into a garbage can
On the fifth day of Christmas I got so F*ing drunk,
I passed out in a Bush..bu dum dum dum
gave a noogie, drove into a lake, peed in my bed, and puked into a garbage can
On the sixth day of Christmas I got so F*ing drunk,
I hit on an ugly girl
passed out in a bush, gave a noogie, drove into a lake, pissed in my bed, and puked in my garbage can!
On the seventh day of Christams, I got so F*ing drunk,
I cursed out a little kid
hit on an ugly girl, passed out in a bush, gave a noogie, drove into a lake, peed in my bed, and puked in my gaaaarrrbbaaggge CCAAAANNNNN!!!
On the eighth day of Cristmas I got so F*ing drunk,
I tried the Scottie Pippen defense
cursed out a little kid, hit on a pig, passed out in a bush, gave a noogie, sped into a lake, peed in my bed... and blew chunks in my garbage can
On the ninth day of Chritmas I got so F*ing drunk,
I ate at a Dennys
used the Pippen defense, swore at a little kid, made moves I shouldn't have, passed out in a bush, gave a noogie, drove into a lake, peed in my bed, and puked in my garbage can
On the tenth day of Christmas I got so F*ing drunk,
I tried to fight some random guy
ate a Grand Slam, used the Pippen defense, dropped an F-Bomb, hit on an ugly chick, passed out in a bush, gave a noogie, drove into a lake, peed in my bed, and puked all over my garbage can!
On the eleventh day of Christmas I got so F*ing drunk,
I forgot my mid-dle naaaaammmeee
punched a random dude, ate at Dennys, used Pippen defense, cursed out a little kid, hit on an ugly girl, passed out in a bush, gave a noogie, drove into a lake, peed in my bed, and spewed in my own damned garbage can!!!!!
On the twelth day of Christmas I got so F*ing drunk,
Iwent toooooo REEEHAAABBBBB ba dum dum dum!!!!

That's it, what, you think you're better than me... you don't know me!!!!!!!!

I have 12 inches here... plus it just snowed!

Yup... that's why I moved this little site from the company intranet to the world wide web, so I could post a cleverly crafted double entendre! Boo Yeah!!!! When I was a kid my parents told me I could have a dog and a gun when I moved into my own place... well I still don't have either one so nobody is taking this joke away from me!!! And no, I don't still live w/ my parents. In any event, it is officially winter up in this piece. We had a pretty decent snow storm that dropped 14+" between Saturday and Sunday. My special lady and I took the opportunity to get our Christmas tree, have a few cocktails, and watch a few movies. The tree is quite full and nice (white spruce) thank you very much, and the drinks put me in a cheery mood (until I got a semi hangover around 2PM). As for our movie selection...

Deja Vu starring Denzel Washington and produced by Michael Bay. It gave me deja vu alright... I knew I had seen a piece of crap like that before somewhere? It was Michael Bay doing Michael Bay things (blowing shit up and moving the camera around too fast), and typical Denzel doing Denzel things. To be fair Denzel is a good actor and I am always at least partially entertained by his movies. This one only gets a half thumb up though... I fell asleep for 10 minutes during the most crucial part of the movie for cripes sake!!

Letters From Iwo Jima starring Ken Wantanabe and directed by Clint Eastwood. Hey, do you have 2 1/2 hours of down time where you can be bored to near death? Well then this is the movie for you! I don't really care about movies and I find Clint's movies to be too long and prodding. I know Hollywood loves "the Man w/ No Name" but I am not in that camp. Yes the movie was beautifully shot and the action scenes at the end were pretty good... but this could have been half as long. My wife went down for the count 15 minutes in... I suffered through the whole thing. half a thumb... that I chewed off during the movie.

Pan's Labyrinth starring God knows who. This was a Spanish flick originally titled Laberinto del fauno El. We both really enjoyed it. It came as a huge surprise but this was a very dark story, a fantasy set against the backdrop of the Franco regime post Spanish Civil War. The story was entertaining, the acting was tight, and the visuals were stunning. I would like to go back and study up on the era before watching the movie again. 2 thumbs up, thoroughly enjoyed it.

BTW... 2 foreign language films in 1 weekend... know what that means? Superbad and The Bourne Ultimatum next up in the queue!!!

Last but not least, congrats to Andy Pettitte for coming clean... after getting caught cheating. Keep lying Clemens, you can dig your way straight out of Hall of Fame contention. "Hey Barry, you have a big head and bacne... I have a big head and bacne, we should hang out!". And why is Jayson Stark such a steroid lover right now? He has gone out of his way to defend these guys... looks like somebody is kissing ass so that he can lay the tracks for an inside look at baseball. Just an embarrassing play. Pandering's Labyrinth.

Stickin' it to the MAN!!!

Not going to lie... I am a little banged up today. On the bright side, for once I am not spewing today. I have spent a pretty decent chunk of time on the Internet however. Much of that has been reading the different views of sports writers concerning the Mitchell Report. Yup, the "evidence" is circumstantial at best. That said, are you really surprised that baseball players took steroids and HGH? I mean Roger Clemens is like 80 years old and still throwing smoke and winning Cy Young awards. Most guys his age play in the over 40 softball league and try not to blow out a hammy stretching a single into double! Seriously... Barry Bonds and Jason Giambi? Those 2 bobble heads could blot out the sun with their huge domes!! What gets me about the writers is that they have spent the last couple years pounding the table about steroids and demanding action and accountability. They have dragged guys like Bonds through the mud. And then, when a little bit of info comes out? They skewer George Mitchell, who didn't even have any real authority to subpoena or track down honest answers. How about tearing into these douchebag players who hide behind their agents and lawyers to avoid answering the call. You don't run and hide if you have nothing to hide from. Kudos to Frank Thomas... always hated him as a baseball player, but he was the one guy who told the union to screw and spoke to Mitchell honestly. Somebody has to has scruples. In any event... who cares? You have juiced up pitchers throwing the ball at juiced up hitters. Doesn't that make everything pretty even? Oh, it's the children. Well, this is just like all of the rock stars who are taking drugs. You don't want your kid to follow their idols and take drugs? Maybe try putting your own house in order. Talk to your kids, be honest, have rules, teach them right and wrong, don't blame other people. Stupid "blame society", we all run from responsibility.

OK, enough of that. Faithful reader D. SkyWalker sent me this link. Now this is a guy who wasn't going to take it from the man... that bottle of vodka on the other hand...
http://www6.comcast.net/news/articles/odd/2007/12/12/Vodka.Quaff/?cvqh=itn_vodka

It's my blog and I'll post if I want to, post if I want to

You would post too if it happened to you!

So you the reader (both of you) may or may not care that the posts have been slowed of late. I have actually been quite busy at work (financial mkt meltdown), at home (painting the bathroom), and in general (basketball etc...). My special lady is in the depths of finals so it has been pretty crazy trying to keep up w/ everything. That said, I have a few little tid bits to put in the mix.

Patriots... F*ing A! That game against the Ravens was one of the most exciting I have seen in years; twists, turns, ups, downs... lots of ins lots of outs. Celtics are pretty good too. It was only a couple years ago you could walk into any game, buy $10 nosebleed seats and then sit in the 12th row! Now you can barely find a $250 seat available. Fair weather fans... gotta love 'em.

Not a huge surprise but Kevin Dubrow's mysterious death? Cocaine.

Ike Turner... used to slapping folks around. Fate returned the favor.

This is always a tough time of year... salespeople love to send food. Chocolates, peanuts, popcorn... and of course all day I am guzzling coffee and eating it all. I am like a 5 yr old cruising around the office like a crackhead! Wide eyed, talking too fast, hands shaking. Plus I feel like I am about to go Tony Soprano at any minute, I can barely fit in a leisure suit! Just kidding, I am very svelte, I might like to whack somebody though... one more administrative task sent my way and it could all go downhill in a hurry!

Not sure how I will tell my wife about the whole Jessica Alba thing (AWKWARD)!!

What the hell happened to Val Kilmer... Iceman, Jim Morrison, Batman...Jabba the Hut?!

Not for nuthin' but anyone else scared that we may have a presidential run between a dude who does not believe in evolution and a guy who has no other credentials other than Oprah likes him? She likes Tom Cruise too by the way... Looks like another election year w/ at least 1 write in vote for Jaybird. Or maybe Mr. T this year... loving the new World of Warcraft commercial.

And that is all I have to say about that... so for your holiday viewing pleasure

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xUt419xLOlk

Not For Nothing...

Here in the Northeast we have been hit by our first substantial snow of the season. One thing blows my mind each winter; I live in VT where the average annual snowfall can be measured in feet. Sure, it ain't Utah but it's not like we don't see snow... each and every f*ing year!!! So with that in mind, why is it that every year when the snow falls for the first time folks in this area drive as if they have never seen it before?!?!?!? My co-worker K-Dogg nailed it, there are 2 types of drivers. Those that drive 2MPH at the first sight of a snowflake... and the other ya-yos (generally rolling in a minivan) that are driving 90 in 2 feet of the white stuff!! On my way into work the other day I followed this doughhead driving 15 in a 40 in the passing lane with one little circle to see out of on the windshield (the defroster was not working apparently). I finally had to pull into the right lane to go around... only to nearly get T-boned by an ass in a minivan who decided they couldn't wait to turn out of a parking lot into 2 lanes of 40mph (except that 1 person) of oncoming traffic!!! Good times. On the bright side the minivan did not notice my horn honk or extended middle finger and disapproving head shake because they were busy eating a doughnut while talking on their cellphone. I need to get me one of those minivans you can steer WITH YOUR MIND!!!!!!

OK, that's enough of that. Here is a little gem for you that you might have missed in its extensive 4 day run at the theater... "The In-Laws", starring Michael Douglas and Albert Brooks. From time to time I run into this movie on TBS or HBO 8 and every time I get sucked in. It is ridiculous and hilarious. Douglas is way over the top and Brooks is mailing it in like a UPS driver. The combo is amazing. I won't ruin it but the whole "Fat Cobra" scene w/ Vladimer Radian cracks me up... So if you need a significant other rental option... take a chance, you might find it cracks your guilty pleasure rotation.

Now I have to build up some internal fortitude and go home, my wife wanted me to go to a "Project Runway" party tonight and I shot it down... BIGTIME. So I might be in a little trouble. But it will be manly toughguy trouble!