Heroin of the tissue world

I'll just get this out of the way quickly... pretty impressive Boston sports scene right now... Patriots finish up a perfect 16-0 season against a Giants team who had their best game all season. the Celtics sit atop the NBA after completing a 4 game West Coast swing, and the Red Sox are World Champs. Good times. Special props to retired QB Earl Morrall who seemed to be the only '72 Dolphin to congratulate the Pats and accept how good they were this season. The rest were bitter and just plain silly. The 'Phins were good but there is not anyone outside of Miami who actually considers them a top 3 all time team, so that makes them kind of good and really lucky.

Enough of that... watched 2 movies over the weekend. Alpha Dog, pretty interesting movie, decent cast, and believe it or not Justin Timberlake was pretty good... The second gem was Live Free or Die Hard starring 80 year old Bruce Willis and that guy from the Mac ads. Bruce Willis is great because his plastic surgery is just weird. Plus he tries to make Bruce Willis faces but can barely stretch a smile. This movie was so ridiculous my lady and I found it truly entertaining. F*** it, it's the holidays, I'm handing out 4 total thumbs up!

And for my final thought of 2007 I present you the miracle product break through destined to change the course of human history (or at least that of my house)... I give you, Puffs Plus w/ the Scent of Vicks!!!!!! Bum ba da da, bum ba da da da da!!!!!! These tissues are like crack. Seriously, I am blowing my nose even when it is not runny or stuffed, or regardless if there is snot at all in there! It is so soothing and at the same time tingly. Oh Baby!!! Everyone who tries them is instantly hooked as well. So if you try one new product for '08, make it the Puffs w/ Vicks. *Think I should get paid for this type of pitching!!!! http://www.puffs.com/en_US/pages/products_plus_with_vicks.shtml

Happy New Year

I'm your private dancer

Dancing for money, do what you want me to do...

The NFL folds under pressure and will simulcast the Pats/Giants game on not 1 major network but 2! I am setting the unofficial line at Pats +62

Newest vacation hot spot? Pakistan!!! I can't remember the last assassination of a major political figure and that is a good thing. F*ing Pakistan.

At what point did the Republican party decide to become Democrats? Wild spending, overreaching federal powers over the states, the only things they have kept is a healthy military budget and tax cuts. GW's latest slap in the face is a not so subtle pressure on the EPA, guiding them in their effort to deny California's right to limit new car and truck emissions. Reason being, it is better to have an overall federal plan to protect the environment rather than state by state. That is a good idea because we all know how much of an environmental defender GW is. Plus, cutting emissions just doesn't make any sense at all, what could possibly be the benefit of that? If you are reading my blog George (and I have to assume that you are)... get out of the state's kitchen! You are making the Govenator look like a rocket surgeon!!!!!!

You know him, you love him... Michael Bolton!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvvvGeCNpRk

So I couldn't give 2 shits about hotel magnate Barron Hilton stiffing his grand kids out of their inheritance, but how great is the name Barron Hilton?! Does that guy cruise around w/ a monocle, cane, and possibly a dueling pistol? Awesome!

So the Celtics keep winning which is fun... the Knicks, not so much. Great article in the NY Post which is by far my favorite paper. http://www.nypost.com/seven/12272007/sports/knicks/magic_kingdumb_734931.htm

Been going back and forth... is Keira Knightly hot or not? Sometimes she looks amazing, other times she is way too skinny and has a weird nose. I literally spent 2 hours wondering if she was hot, I had to watch Pirates of the Caribbean 3 twice to actually follow the plot. By the way, the Saint Bart's bikini shots of Nicholette Sheridan? I might have given up on her too early...

And finally, in honor of the upcoming Knight Rider revival... the video of the day http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZffqanrFE8Q

Christmas hangover

well, another holiday has come and gone and I am wiped out. As your family gets bigger and you start to get in-laws upon in-laws... well these get togethers seem to get less relaxing. I find myself trying to stay busy in the kitchen so as to stay out of the family hurricane. Yesterday I managed to work myself into a fever and was pretty banged up... I couldn't even drink wine and limoncello which is one of my favorite Christmas activities. Couple quick observations; did you know Danny Devito has his own limoncello? Maybe Britney Spears should jump on that bandwagon and introduce her own wine cooler? My company sent out a Merry Christmas card... it was a very nice gesture but I wonder how people who are not Christians feel about it. We didn't receive a happy Hanukkah card or anything, just saying. Whover the dipshits are who drive around w/ their cars decorated like Rudolph (antlers and red nose on hood) or that yah-yo who had Christmas lights lit up on their roof rack... yeah that is a sweet look, run with that!! Ever notice you can drive as fast as you want on Christmas? No cops!!! Only guy to f**** up as many jobs as Isiah Thomas? George W. Bush... and he became a 2 term president!! Get your Isiah in '16 bumper stickers now to beat the crowd!!!!! Kenny Rogers' The Gift truly is a gift, pick one up for yourself or someone you love!

My father in law is a pretty funny character, we were bringing up some crab cakes from the basement fridge when I heard this loud crash behind me (and an F-bomb). I turned to see him sprawled on the stairs with crab cake all over. I asked if he was ok and just got a "NO". It was one of those times where you feel really bad but are also trying not to laugh. We scooped the crab off the stairs and served 'em up! Had a pretty good laugh about it later as well. Hope the rest of the fam doesn't read this blog (I think I'm safe). My in-in-laws spent the day walking laps in the house trying to sync up their new pedometers, that wasn't weird. On the bright side I am starting to appreciate the strangeness, in small doses. Oh yeah, our highlight gift? My wife and I opened a Tiffany box from her parents, we thought we might have hit the jackpot! Well, the jackpot was a container of laundry detergent... bunch of comedians!!! So with that, I bid you adieu, I am off to cure my hangover the only way I know how... Bloody Mary!!

A little present of song

... with a little help from my co-worker Dick...

Ahem

On the first day of Christmas I got so F*ing drunk,
I puked in my garbage can
On the second day of Christmas I got so F*ing drunk,
I peed a little in my in my bed
and I puked in a garbage can
On the third day of Christmas I got so F*ing drunk,
I drove my car into a lake
peed in my bed and puked in a garbage can
On the fourth day of Christmas I got so F*ing drunk,
I gave my boss a noogie
drove into a lake,peed in my bed, and barfed into a garbage can
On the fifth day of Christmas I got so F*ing drunk,
I passed out in a Bush..bu dum dum dum
gave a noogie, drove into a lake, peed in my bed, and puked into a garbage can
On the sixth day of Christmas I got so F*ing drunk,
I hit on an ugly girl
passed out in a bush, gave a noogie, drove into a lake, pissed in my bed, and puked in my garbage can!
On the seventh day of Christams, I got so F*ing drunk,
I cursed out a little kid
hit on an ugly girl, passed out in a bush, gave a noogie, drove into a lake, peed in my bed, and puked in my gaaaarrrbbaaggge CCAAAANNNNN!!!
On the eighth day of Cristmas I got so F*ing drunk,
I tried the Scottie Pippen defense
cursed out a little kid, hit on a pig, passed out in a bush, gave a noogie, sped into a lake, peed in my bed... and blew chunks in my garbage can
On the ninth day of Chritmas I got so F*ing drunk,
I ate at a Dennys
used the Pippen defense, swore at a little kid, made moves I shouldn't have, passed out in a bush, gave a noogie, drove into a lake, peed in my bed, and puked in my garbage can
On the tenth day of Christmas I got so F*ing drunk,
I tried to fight some random guy
ate a Grand Slam, used the Pippen defense, dropped an F-Bomb, hit on an ugly chick, passed out in a bush, gave a noogie, drove into a lake, peed in my bed, and puked all over my garbage can!
On the eleventh day of Christmas I got so F*ing drunk,
I forgot my mid-dle naaaaammmeee
punched a random dude, ate at Dennys, used Pippen defense, cursed out a little kid, hit on an ugly girl, passed out in a bush, gave a noogie, drove into a lake, peed in my bed, and spewed in my own damned garbage can!!!!!
On the twelth day of Christmas I got so F*ing drunk,
Iwent toooooo REEEHAAABBBBB ba dum dum dum!!!!

That's it, what, you think you're better than me... you don't know me!!!!!!!!

I have 12 inches here... plus it just snowed!

Yup... that's why I moved this little site from the company intranet to the world wide web, so I could post a cleverly crafted double entendre! Boo Yeah!!!! When I was a kid my parents told me I could have a dog and a gun when I moved into my own place... well I still don't have either one so nobody is taking this joke away from me!!! And no, I don't still live w/ my parents. In any event, it is officially winter up in this piece. We had a pretty decent snow storm that dropped 14+" between Saturday and Sunday. My special lady and I took the opportunity to get our Christmas tree, have a few cocktails, and watch a few movies. The tree is quite full and nice (white spruce) thank you very much, and the drinks put me in a cheery mood (until I got a semi hangover around 2PM). As for our movie selection...

Deja Vu starring Denzel Washington and produced by Michael Bay. It gave me deja vu alright... I knew I had seen a piece of crap like that before somewhere? It was Michael Bay doing Michael Bay things (blowing shit up and moving the camera around too fast), and typical Denzel doing Denzel things. To be fair Denzel is a good actor and I am always at least partially entertained by his movies. This one only gets a half thumb up though... I fell asleep for 10 minutes during the most crucial part of the movie for cripes sake!!

Letters From Iwo Jima starring Ken Wantanabe and directed by Clint Eastwood. Hey, do you have 2 1/2 hours of down time where you can be bored to near death? Well then this is the movie for you! I don't really care about movies and I find Clint's movies to be too long and prodding. I know Hollywood loves "the Man w/ No Name" but I am not in that camp. Yes the movie was beautifully shot and the action scenes at the end were pretty good... but this could have been half as long. My wife went down for the count 15 minutes in... I suffered through the whole thing. half a thumb... that I chewed off during the movie.

Pan's Labyrinth starring God knows who. This was a Spanish flick originally titled Laberinto del fauno El. We both really enjoyed it. It came as a huge surprise but this was a very dark story, a fantasy set against the backdrop of the Franco regime post Spanish Civil War. The story was entertaining, the acting was tight, and the visuals were stunning. I would like to go back and study up on the era before watching the movie again. 2 thumbs up, thoroughly enjoyed it.

BTW... 2 foreign language films in 1 weekend... know what that means? Superbad and The Bourne Ultimatum next up in the queue!!!

Last but not least, congrats to Andy Pettitte for coming clean... after getting caught cheating. Keep lying Clemens, you can dig your way straight out of Hall of Fame contention. "Hey Barry, you have a big head and bacne... I have a big head and bacne, we should hang out!". And why is Jayson Stark such a steroid lover right now? He has gone out of his way to defend these guys... looks like somebody is kissing ass so that he can lay the tracks for an inside look at baseball. Just an embarrassing play. Pandering's Labyrinth.

Stickin' it to the MAN!!!

Not going to lie... I am a little banged up today. On the bright side, for once I am not spewing today. I have spent a pretty decent chunk of time on the Internet however. Much of that has been reading the different views of sports writers concerning the Mitchell Report. Yup, the "evidence" is circumstantial at best. That said, are you really surprised that baseball players took steroids and HGH? I mean Roger Clemens is like 80 years old and still throwing smoke and winning Cy Young awards. Most guys his age play in the over 40 softball league and try not to blow out a hammy stretching a single into double! Seriously... Barry Bonds and Jason Giambi? Those 2 bobble heads could blot out the sun with their huge domes!! What gets me about the writers is that they have spent the last couple years pounding the table about steroids and demanding action and accountability. They have dragged guys like Bonds through the mud. And then, when a little bit of info comes out? They skewer George Mitchell, who didn't even have any real authority to subpoena or track down honest answers. How about tearing into these douchebag players who hide behind their agents and lawyers to avoid answering the call. You don't run and hide if you have nothing to hide from. Kudos to Frank Thomas... always hated him as a baseball player, but he was the one guy who told the union to screw and spoke to Mitchell honestly. Somebody has to has scruples. In any event... who cares? You have juiced up pitchers throwing the ball at juiced up hitters. Doesn't that make everything pretty even? Oh, it's the children. Well, this is just like all of the rock stars who are taking drugs. You don't want your kid to follow their idols and take drugs? Maybe try putting your own house in order. Talk to your kids, be honest, have rules, teach them right and wrong, don't blame other people. Stupid "blame society", we all run from responsibility.

OK, enough of that. Faithful reader D. SkyWalker sent me this link. Now this is a guy who wasn't going to take it from the man... that bottle of vodka on the other hand...
http://www6.comcast.net/news/articles/odd/2007/12/12/Vodka.Quaff/?cvqh=itn_vodka

It's my blog and I'll post if I want to, post if I want to

You would post too if it happened to you!

So you the reader (both of you) may or may not care that the posts have been slowed of late. I have actually been quite busy at work (financial mkt meltdown), at home (painting the bathroom), and in general (basketball etc...). My special lady is in the depths of finals so it has been pretty crazy trying to keep up w/ everything. That said, I have a few little tid bits to put in the mix.

Patriots... F*ing A! That game against the Ravens was one of the most exciting I have seen in years; twists, turns, ups, downs... lots of ins lots of outs. Celtics are pretty good too. It was only a couple years ago you could walk into any game, buy $10 nosebleed seats and then sit in the 12th row! Now you can barely find a $250 seat available. Fair weather fans... gotta love 'em.

Not a huge surprise but Kevin Dubrow's mysterious death? Cocaine.

Ike Turner... used to slapping folks around. Fate returned the favor.

This is always a tough time of year... salespeople love to send food. Chocolates, peanuts, popcorn... and of course all day I am guzzling coffee and eating it all. I am like a 5 yr old cruising around the office like a crackhead! Wide eyed, talking too fast, hands shaking. Plus I feel like I am about to go Tony Soprano at any minute, I can barely fit in a leisure suit! Just kidding, I am very svelte, I might like to whack somebody though... one more administrative task sent my way and it could all go downhill in a hurry!

Not sure how I will tell my wife about the whole Jessica Alba thing (AWKWARD)!!

What the hell happened to Val Kilmer... Iceman, Jim Morrison, Batman...Jabba the Hut?!

Not for nuthin' but anyone else scared that we may have a presidential run between a dude who does not believe in evolution and a guy who has no other credentials other than Oprah likes him? She likes Tom Cruise too by the way... Looks like another election year w/ at least 1 write in vote for Jaybird. Or maybe Mr. T this year... loving the new World of Warcraft commercial.

And that is all I have to say about that... so for your holiday viewing pleasure

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xUt419xLOlk

Not For Nothing...

Here in the Northeast we have been hit by our first substantial snow of the season. One thing blows my mind each winter; I live in VT where the average annual snowfall can be measured in feet. Sure, it ain't Utah but it's not like we don't see snow... each and every f*ing year!!! So with that in mind, why is it that every year when the snow falls for the first time folks in this area drive as if they have never seen it before?!?!?!? My co-worker K-Dogg nailed it, there are 2 types of drivers. Those that drive 2MPH at the first sight of a snowflake... and the other ya-yos (generally rolling in a minivan) that are driving 90 in 2 feet of the white stuff!! On my way into work the other day I followed this doughhead driving 15 in a 40 in the passing lane with one little circle to see out of on the windshield (the defroster was not working apparently). I finally had to pull into the right lane to go around... only to nearly get T-boned by an ass in a minivan who decided they couldn't wait to turn out of a parking lot into 2 lanes of 40mph (except that 1 person) of oncoming traffic!!! Good times. On the bright side the minivan did not notice my horn honk or extended middle finger and disapproving head shake because they were busy eating a doughnut while talking on their cellphone. I need to get me one of those minivans you can steer WITH YOUR MIND!!!!!!

OK, that's enough of that. Here is a little gem for you that you might have missed in its extensive 4 day run at the theater... "The In-Laws", starring Michael Douglas and Albert Brooks. From time to time I run into this movie on TBS or HBO 8 and every time I get sucked in. It is ridiculous and hilarious. Douglas is way over the top and Brooks is mailing it in like a UPS driver. The combo is amazing. I won't ruin it but the whole "Fat Cobra" scene w/ Vladimer Radian cracks me up... So if you need a significant other rental option... take a chance, you might find it cracks your guilty pleasure rotation.

Now I have to build up some internal fortitude and go home, my wife wanted me to go to a "Project Runway" party tonight and I shot it down... BIGTIME. So I might be in a little trouble. But it will be manly toughguy trouble!

Another Down...

Another legend has passed... though to be fair I can't believe Mr. Kneivel made it to 69! So my last post was admittedly quite weepy. Hey, it happens. I stand by my posts. That said... if you think you want a shot at the (virtual) title, step up punk?! I am still tougher than tough, and a huge babe magnet (it's a real shame I have been taken off the market)!!!!

And then...

There's this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fy5qHlNPKEc

Softie

OK, as a confirmed tough guy I am defined by my very masculine posts... that said, not sure if it was a movie, a song, a drunk moment... this being the Internet I hope we just hope we have a record of history? Well, if there is a history of J About Town, it must have a hieroglyphic w/ reference to my father... let's call him Don. It was actually The Grinch Who Stole Christmas that got me a thinkin'! Odd no? I am a confirmed Mama's boy... My wife? She is the gravity who holds me to this earth, I love her more than this blog will hold. My Dad? He taught me how to be a man! He taught me how to throw and catch, he taught me how to run, showed me music... albums!!! My father taught me how to treat other people, he taught me respect for my mother and women. To be fair; these lessons are ongoing and, w/ some the teaching always evolves and w/ some I am always learning the nuances. That said... when watching a silly cartoon about a lout w/ a heart of gold, I thought of this crazy character that also is a silly character w/a heart of gold. My old man has turned into an a sappy old bird who forwards the sappy spam you would to avoid. You know what? I don't care! A funny cat who loves his wife family and is not afraid to share it? If that is wrong... I don't wanna' be right!!!!!! Extra bonus... my father in law is a good guy too. Hoping to become a good dad myself. Don't like my posts... F**** you... start your own blog. You can be as cool as you are...chief.

R.I.P. Kevin Dubrow

When I first started thinking about the old blog. My Alma mater, Middlebury College, had won the national championship in soccer this weekend. The Patriots decided to stop playing defense and also stop catching the ball almost allowing an unlikely upset from the Eagles. Somehow a guy who couldn't throw a baseball from second base to first (what 25 feet?) made it onto the baseball hall of fame ballot, our old pal Chuck Knoblach. Possibly a review of the very intense Coen film No Country for Old Men. There was always the wrap up from Turkey Day (pretty successful).

The end of the day though brought said and untimely news... Kevin Dubrow of Quiet Riot fame had died in his Las Vegas home at the age of 52. I certainly do not want to make fun of some body's death but Mr. Dubrow was quite a character. I was just coming into my own rock n' roll wise in the early eighties. MTV was just getting off the ground and we were in the thick of the hair metal revolution. I remember vividly the first Quiet Riot video... "Cum on Feel the Noise", a cover tune from the defunct band Slade. Like most early MTV videos, this thing was cheesy as all get out. But what it lacked in acting, directing, costumes, cinematography, production values... it made up for in ridiculous fist pumping, a heavy drum beat, and the MASK!!!! The guy wore that sweet steel mask straight from a comic book as well as the purple "Member's Only" straight jacket. I was hooked. It led to my first musical purchase. I got my parents to buy me my first cassette, Metal Health, which featured such gems as "Let's Go Crazy", and "Slick Black Cadillac". I followed that up w/ Condition Critical, and QRIII. Each video was more ridiculous, and each interview was more outrageous. I remember these dudes in bright spandex and leather chugging beers and surrounded by half dressed buxom beauties. What more could a hormone driven pre-teen dream of?!?!? And running the circus was Kevin Dubrow.

Dubrow had a stalking stage presence and a loud screaming voice. He also had an amazing receding hairline and wore bright red spandex even though he was built like me at 10. Dubrow managed to lead his troupe to the top of the charts and bring hair metal into the forefront of American Rock N' Roll. Then he went insane. The music was quickly pushed out and he started talking shit about other bands... and then his own band. While touring the band neglected to wake him up and bolted from their hotel in Hawaii. Needless to say old Kev' had been fired. As the heart and soul of the band, neither side could really survive w/out the other and eventually a reunion was in the works. Dubrow resurfaced w/ a piece that would make Sy Sperling proud. It was a huge super fake looking gherri curl toupee. Fantastic!! From there the band went through a few break ups and reunions, and then some shows in the Netherlands and county fairs. At one point you could have the band play a private show for 10 grand. Needless to say we looked into it. So now, like many rock stars before him, Dubrow has left this world prematurely. I am sure tawdry details of drugs and alcohol will surface... and I imagine that's the way Kevin would have wanted it. They are my first and still one of my favorite bands and so I say good journey Kevin Dubrow!

Black Friday

So it's a Friday after a holiday and I am here at work... obviously very busy at work! Needless to say I am still a little triptiphane-d out and contemplating a run for the door. In the meantime I have been perusing the interweb and wondering why the f*** somebody would wake up at 4AM to battle a bunch of crazy blue hairs for some crap they don't need at Walmart?! Is the $2 savings for $200 worth of purchases worth the 3 hours of lost sleep? Not for this guy. Anyway Chief, I have a few more items that have left me scratching my head...

Hey, simple mistake, could've happened to anyone
http://www.boston.com/news/odd/articles/2007/11/22/shooter_says_he_mistook_cow_for_coyote/

uh...ok
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,312588,00.html

whoa...
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,312573,00.html

yeah, why wouldn't you camp out overnight, it's not like you can buy these items at any other time... oh, wait, you can?
http://burlingtonfreepress.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20071123/NEWS01/71123013/1009

you mess w/ the bull, you get the... well this guy got somethin' a little different
http://youtube.com/watch?v=sv6D4sieaHM

and finally... at what point did they decide to film the Dukes Of Hazzard sequel in Colchester, VT?
http://www.wcax.com/Global/story.asp?s=7387532

Turkey Day

Well, we are officially ass deep into the holiday season! This is a big year for the J-Bird family, as my wife and I are hosting our first Thanksgiving. We have both sets of parents and her sister coming over. Now, that is a pretty manageable number and we have cooked for more people before (and by that I mean my wife cooked while I drank beer, got in the way, and stirred pots), but this is different. This is an iconic meal w/ staples that are very well known and loved. We are also attempting to meld two very deeply ingrained family tradition templates... this thing could either go very right, or very wrong!! On the bright side, it is a lovely 35 degrees and raining here in lovely VT, BEAUTIFUL!!!! So for my part I plan to mix copious amounts of booze into delicious cocktails, tell semi offensive jokes, watch football w/ the boys, and most importantly I will try to keep the moms from sending my special lady on a 6 state killing spree!!! GOOD TIMES!!!!

Quick aside, as I type this I am eating a little pizza from Junior's in Colchester... it is actually quite good. I am digging the Sicilian.

Second quick aside, as it looks like the whole financial market is about to shit itself... if you are an attractive ultra rich woman looking for a pool boy to ogle (sorry, no touching)... feel free to reply to this post with a job offer.

Third quick aside... if every flight into JFK is delayed (rain or shine), might it be prudent to schedule less flights into and out of that airport?

I'm on a roll... fourth quick aside... The woman getting 200 lashes in Saudi Arabia for being raped. This is not funny, nor do I wish to make light of it in any way. I will defend the right of any group to hold their own beliefs but this particular translation of Sharia law is an affront to humankind. Punishment is a means to deter criminals. This case is an establishment of dominance by men who lack confidence and moral fiber. Shameful

Fifth quick aside... let's get back to a lighter tone, could this man be our next president? I say maybe http://youtube.com/watch?v=MDUQW8LUMs8

And finally... as winter approaches and the stress of the holiday season mounts, here is the clip of the day... http://youtube.com/watch?v=TwUegUaePy8

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!

Jay About Beantown

My brother recently got married and this weekend we headed down to Mass to celebrate the occasion. I lived in Boston for a few years and always enjoy hitting some of my old haunts. First and foremost let me say, I love Boston but I HATE the traffic. The party was south of the city, trying to get back into town from what should be about 30 minutes south took almost 2hours. Saturday at 5:30PM we ran into stop and go traffic for miles and miles. Where are people going at 5:30 on Saturday night? What I recall about Boston though was that there is always traffic, during the day, during the night, when it rains, when it shines... apparently nobody works or eats or sleeps in Boston... they just drive around??!?!? To further enrage me I missed the exit to Kendall Square (trying to find our hotel) and had to drive to Mass Ave and then back track. Not knowing the exact location I called to hotel, of course they were only able to give me directions from the T (subway) which was tremendously helpful... as I was DRIVING! So I (followed by buddy) found myself on a 1 way street w/out an exit and drove back over the bridge to Boston from Cambridge. Take 2. We call again and I dumb down my question, luckily the crack staff was able to direct me to the hotel, they were not able to tell me where to park. Why would they? Whoever drives to a hotel? Doesn't everyone take the local service subway? So my wife went in to ask... of course we were in the bus loading zone and were honked at by a line of buses until we got ourselves back on the 1 way exit-less bridge to Boston!!! At this point I wanted to punch Mayor Menino in the face. Take 3! We finally parked and unloaded at the lovely Kendall Hotel. It is an old converted firehouse and was really quite nice. Clean, reasonably priced, comfortable (don't expect much from the free breakfast though). Cleaned up and hungry we headed out. Our destination? Thai Basil on Newbury Street! Thai Basil looked like a college cafeteria but my pal Joe was able to give it the smell test... approved! Let me say this, the food is tasty, cheap, and the beer was cold. Now the good part. There was an app. on the menu called treasure bags. Needless to say, combined w/ the phuket noodles we had jokes, and jokes, and jokes... Phuket, I would love to get my treasure bags on the table! Boy, you have some tasty treasure bags! Phuket, maybe we just had too many beers and this isn't funny at all? Next stop, VOX an Boylston Street. Pretty ladies (according to Joe!), excellent martinis, cool atmosphere. Big fan. Last stop... as always, the BHP! The Beacon Hill Pub is something special. The beer is cheap and cold. There are older weirdos, tons of college kids, some folks are dressed up, some are slobs, and everyone is DRUNK! Try the $2.25 Brubaker and then your luck w/ the punching bag game. You might even get in a fight?! YAAAAYYYYY!!!!! So if you are scoring at home, that is 1 1/2 thumbs up for The Kendall Hotel, 1 3/4 thumbs up for Thai Basil, 2 thumbs up for VOX, and 2 HUGE thumbs up for the BHP!!!! 1 thumb downs for the hangover on Sunday, I broke a plate at breakfast. But a fun weekend. BTW, my brother's party was fun too.

As a little extra, I went out on a bit of a ledge today. It is pretty cold here in VT so I was taking the short walk to The Mad Hatter for lunch. Unfortunately I was distracted and drawn to the Phillie cheese steak vendor across the street. What can I say, I get drawn to shiny items?! Here is a quick review... don't walk, run from that disaster! I usually enjoy local vendors, but man... the quality was lacking and it didn't even have that delicious gross greasy cheese steak thing going for it. Sorry but I was not a fan. So there you have it!

What would you say... you do here?

So we had our annual all-firm offsite meeting on Monday. I am still a little numb. These things are always a bit draining and it usually takes a little while to process what has gone down. Beyond that, we are supposed to get a pretty substantial snowfall here in Vermont this afternoon/evening. I also had a couple dust ups w/ companies I work with on trade prices. So if you are scoring at home, THE MAN 3... Golder 0. I am known for my amazing comebacks though so not all hope is lost!

What has been a somewhat pleasant diversion this week is the wacky happenings in the sports world. I have been hating on the Celtics the last few years because they S-U-C-K-E-D! 2 big trades this preseason have really turned the team around though. They play defense, have multiple scoring options, Garnett passes well, rebounds well, and blocks shots, and the team has an overall sense of purpose. It's really great, the word is that tickets are hard to get except the $200+ seats. Blessing and a curse of the explosive Boston sports scene... the teams are great and fun to watch, if you can actually score a ticket. I am also enthralled by Ricky Williams being reinstated to the NFL... extra bongs hits tonight Ricky, it's your chance to celebrate!!!! Also loving the NY Knicks exploits. Sexual harassment, fist fights, blackmail... and somehow Zach Randolph is not involved?!?!? Isiah Thomas is reaching G.W. Bush status at this point. He blew up the CBA, he f*d up the Toronto Raptors, he sucked and got fired in Indiana, he has made horrible personnel moves w/ the Knicks, and now he is in a pissing match w/ the point guard he personally killed the franchise to trade for. The guy was sued for sexual harassment and LOST!!! The team had to pay a huge fine!!!! What does he have to do to get fired, walk into the owners office, make out w/ his wife and fart on his desk?!?!?! Even then he would probably get hired as the next GM of the Clippers!

And then there is the A-Rod saga. This ass and his agent turn down 30mm a yr from the Yankees, make a big scene at the World Series (that they are not involved in), and then A-Rod has to suck it up and beg the Yanks to take him back for less money. Well played dipshit. I am pretty happy about how it turned out. A-Rod looks like the fool he is, Scott Boras finally gets a little come uppance, and the Yankees are stuck w/ a 27mm a year choke artist. They could have paid $20 and just brought Chuck Knoblach back. Good times all around.

It kind of pisses me off that the Red Sox got very little coverage for winning the World Series but folks can't stop talking about a washed up manager, over the hill closer, whiny third baseman, and soon to be bust catcher. They sucked w/ those guys last year, I am sure they will win the World Series this year... Jaba the Hut is starting for them... he will definitely win 30 games, as long as they don't play Cleveland.

This leads me to another rant about NY sports. Somehow no one has picked up on the fact that players tend to get deified when they play in NY for no reason. Ask a New Yorker about Joe Namath and they get doughy eyed. He had a career 50% completion rate and only 173 TDs vs 220 interceptions. Steve Grogan, 52% completions, 182 TDs, 208 interceptions... any idea who Steve Grogan is? It took an absolute meltdown for people to realize how bad Chad Pennington sucks! Derek Jeter's Gold Glove seasons? If you believe Rob Neyer, Bill James, Baseball Prospectus or you have ever watched him play you know that Jeter has sub par range and fielding skills. He may be a great overall player but is not a top notch defensive player (what the Gold Glove is supposed to be awarded for). http://www.baseballprospectus.com/dt/jeterde01.php
There are plenty of other examples... the Knicks of the 70s are considered one of the top 10 teams of all time... think they could beat the 85 Celtics, 86 Lakers, 06 Spurs? Walt Frazier had a great mustache, only a pretty good game. What's the point? NY media turns good players into great players... in print anyway. So watch out for A-Rod, he may never hit a home run in October but he will be portrayed as the next Babe Ruth, complete w/ that funny run style!!!!

Best Video Ever?

You Decide!!!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Wba2r7khE8c

Market Meltdown

Couple thoughts here... one is this the beginning of a recession or a minor blip due to a correction in a housing market that was overdone (tech bubble style). Why didn't we see this coming? Folks seemed to play down the idea of a housing bubble but why. If the price of something goes up in an artificial way w/ poor underlying fundamentals and no one can explain why... isn't that a bubble that must burst? Moreover, does anyone care? Is there greater panic when you watch the financial markets everyday than there is for the average joe on the street? Well, it sucks from this end.

By the way, the polls seems to be going great! Either no one looks at this site, they poll is not in a good spot on the page, or the polls just plain suck! Or maybe... the same voter apathy gripping the nation has infiltrated my blog?!?!?!?

Can you title something "untitled"?

I was listening to Peter Cetera belt out a Chicago tune in the car on the way to basketball and I got to thinking about how much I enjoy crap like that, so without further doo-doo... I mean adieu, here are my top 10 guilty pleasure bands.

10. Electric Light Orchestra. white guy w/ a huge afro that always wears sunglasses? check! Silly kind of fruity name? check! EEEEEVIILL WWOOOOMMAAAAANNN...Check!!!

9. Journey. These guys got mad hot model chicks in the 80s, think about that! Must be because they were lovin', touchin', squeezin' each otha...

8. Gordon Lightfoot. This guy's stache/beard was Chuck Norris before Chuck Norris!

7. STYX. LLLLAAADDDYYYY!!! Straight from God's lips to Mr. Roboto's ears.

6. Chicago. I enjoy the 70s horns/waka waka guitar version, as well as the 80s super fruity ballad version. Peter Cetera man, Peter Cetera.

5. Quiet Riot. My first tape, the first video I remember, first song I knew the words to (Bang Your Head). Kind of like losing your virginity... a little awkward but you'll always have fond memories (maybe w/ a little less spandex and pleather though).

4. Europe. Sure, the Final Countdown is a classic but what about... Cherokee!!!!!

3. Heart. bum ba da bum ba da bum ba da da da...ding. bum ba da bum ba da bum ba da da ding... BARRACUDA!

2. Kenny Rogers. The face may change but the songs remain. Looks like this guy is wearing a mask these days, a tan mask... but The Gambler?! Reuben James?! Coward of the County?!?! Islands in the Stream...uh, er, maybe forget that one.

1. Fleetwood Mac. I am not even sure this is a "guilty" pleasure to enjoy possibly the greatest band ever! Rumors is a great album. This band really showed what a band can do when they are using way too much cocaine and all hooking up/cheating on one another!!! Here is the guilty part for me, one of my favorite tunes is Silver Springs... you belt that shit out Stevie, you belt it out!

So there you have it, I am off to fire up my hi-fi and rock out to a little Sundown, I have to get amped up for another game tonight!

DC or Bust!

Holy crap... I just spent my vacation day stacking wood, putting my garden to bed for the winter (it's not fruity, refer back to the wood stacking!!!), and cleaning the house up. I am f***ing tired!!! So this post may suck and need to be revisited. Anywho, my special lady and I spent the weekend w/ our good friends the Pumas in our nation's capitol. We had a great time. We checked out the monuments which is always spectacular. Have you noticed that no one builds things like the Lincoln Memorial, or the Jefferson Memorial, or even the Capitol building anymore. I mean, if I was Bill Gates w/ a couple billion bucks to burn... the great pyramid of J-Bird!!!!! Bank on it! We also toured northern Virginia and the Georgetown area. Just a really great are. Our pals have this really hip apartment w/ 30 foot ceilings (at least) and a ton of space. D.C. is pretty cool, it is like a series of small cities w/ a lot of green space... but all within 20 minutes to the capitol.

On Friday we had the pleasure of a kick to the junk courtesy of the good people at JFK airport. We sat on the tarmac at Burlington for awhile before they told us all traffic was halted to JFK and we would have a 2 hour wait and might have to order pizzas because all of Burlington airport was closed (7:20PM). I am dead serious. But then, just as the 20 pizzas arrived and you could smell them in the hall, the cabin doors were closed and we were off! Good thing too because we only had to circle around NY for an hour or so. On the bright side our connection was also delayed for an hour so no worries there. JFK was also great on site, the bar closed at 10:15PM. Must be that once the early birds clear out nobody needs a drink! I would think that if you are in an airport (as about 200 people were) at 10:15... you need an F***ING drink!!! Fortunately, my lady has eagle eyes and spotted a lone food court option still open and serving beer. I love my wife, she kicks ass!!! So, finally we got to D.C. early in the A.M. had a drink, chatted and crashed. The next day our friend K.L. made a delicious brunch; egg strada, smoked salmon and caper pasta salad, turkey sausage, and pineapple chunks ... this thing rocked. We then did our tour and grabbed a beer and some apps in Georgetown before heading back to their place. The piece de resistance? Frickles! Fried pickles. Not sure what it is about D.C. but there are pickles everywhere. Sandwiches, fried, soups... The frickles were pretty great though, if you have a chance to check them out, I say DO IT!!! So after a little conversing at the crib, we went out to a restaurant where you seat yourself in a packed bar environment. It was like a National Geographic special. My buddy and I hung at the bar like lions while our fearless mates stalked a tabled and then... POUNCED!!!! Bang, we were sitting and chowing. Not sure there was any conversation, I don't even know what I ate. But it was great! Again, it was back to the crib where the ladies (exhausted from the hunt) wen to bed, while the Puma and I played dominoes!

Sunday, we were all a little wiped. We had a nice brunch (I had a Cuban sandwich, more pickles), and then the ladies did a little shopping while Puma and I went to a bar to have a beer, play darts and watch the J-E-T-S! Puma managed to crush his head on a shelf while reaching for darts. He might have a Trent Green face going right now. We then took a fantastic driving tour of the D.C. area and were off to VT. Only a short delay in JFK this time. I hate that airport now. I really hate it.

So now here I am, about to melt into my Old Fashioned and watch some tube. I really liked D.C. and look forward to returning to see the Pumas and another good friend and his new bride recently disengaged from the air force. And with that I am out!!!!!

P.S. couldn't get any releases so all of the faces are blocked out... pretty sure that is Brad Pitt in front Lincoln though

Are you ready to feel uncomfortably ENERGETIC!!!!!

I figured as long as the financial markets were melting down I would take a quick second to update the old blog. The blog thing is kind of funny really... ever see that movie "What About Bob" where they tie him to the mast of the boat? It's a little like that... I'm blogging! I'm blogging!! Look at me, I BLOG!!!!! Anywho... It's been a pretty eventful week. As I said, the market has been pretty volatile which always makes my job a little stressful, it's never good to wake up in the middle of the night w/ a work dream. They never tend to be happy dreams, or sexy dreams, or dreams w/ midgets and monkeys. They are more like the going to school in your underwear dreams. So then our hot water heater blew out and left a small lake in our basement. The idea of a new heated indoor pool was kind of fun... except for the floating dead spiders and mice. The great thing about that was my wife called in a tizzy about the water and the busted sump pump that was meant to drain the water. Being the handy guy I am I gave her some shit and then went home in a huff to sort it out. So I get there, wade through the water, and get the pump working. No problem right? I am kind of a big deal, people know me! That's when the hose seal busted and the pump pumped water from the basement floor directly into my face at about 90MPH!!! So my lady and the water guy are yelling at me from upstairs, I am standing in a foot of water w/ a steady stream of brown water spraying in my face and I can't risk yanking the power plug for the fear of electrocution!!!!! So that was fun. Surprisingly enough, when people tell you to buy a house and stop paying rent to the man, they neglect to mention; rodents, taxes, lawn maintenance, appliance breakdowns, power outages, well issues, flooding, fire, painting, cleaning, plumbing... etc. Oh yeah, and some punk kids paintballed our house Tuesday night. On the bright side I do get to use a tractor to mow my lawn (w/ a cup holder for beer), I can pee off my porch anytime I want, and I can roll around the whole house buck naked if I so choose ( and w/ an Adonis body like mine, I like to show it off).

So I have been trying to mellow out, we are heading down to DC to see our good friends new place and I want to be in a good frame of mind. We always have a good time w/ them so it is something to look forward to. I haven't been to our capitol since I was in high school. Should be much different now that I can roll up to old Abe' Lincoln a few drinks deep! "You don't know me Abe!! You think you're better than me you honest son of a ..." Wait, what was I saying? You can only go to jail for threatening the current president right?

Anyway, to keep my spirits up and a smile on my face I have been enjoying these "Powerthirst" clips. Maybe I am juvenile, maybe I am an idiot... frankly, I don't care, I could watch these 1000 times and they would still be funny. I am on # 825 if you are counting at home.

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/5176

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-3qncy5Qfk&feature=dir

Puttin' Out The Vibe

Well first things first... I present your 2007 World Champion Boston Red Sox!!!!!!! You are excited right? Great pitching, great hitting, great fielding. Not to get too far ahead of myself but I think we should prepare now for a ten-peat. Icing on the cake, as cranky Mike Lowell picks up a much deserved MVP award. Great time here for Lowell if that is the end. I won't belabor the point but I am pretty damned happy today. I would also like to thank the National League for sending another lamb to the slaughter. Seriously, other than Todd Helton and Todd Helton's goatee, was there one person in that lineup you were afraid of? Matt "I'm taking a" Holliday? Nope. Kaz Chopsuey? Nah. The other 6 guys? I was afraid they would fly out as opposed to strike out, that's about it. Of course, this is pretty easy to say now that it's over.

A few more thoughts... Thanks for coming out Steinbrenner Jr. Maybe you should keep talking. There are 200+ million reasons why the Yankees suck. A-Rod. I am sending out a huge disapproving head shake. this guy might be the biggest asshole in sports... Maybe even topping Barry Bonds, and Kobe-Beef. That guy is going to pansy slap some team for 300MM plus, I just pray it's not the Red Sox!

So I was drinking a beer and watching the Giants w/ a co-worker on Sunday afternoon, we happened to notice once again that Burlington is one odd place. How many towns in America are more strange during the day than at night?! We were accosted at the bar by Santa Clauses drunk brother, Flannel Frank... who regaled us w/ stories and funny nicknames for NFL teams, such as the Washington Foreskins, and the N.E. Pastry Asses! Good times. We finally rolled out and came across a guy who appeared to by 5 acid tabs deep, twirling around in the middle of the street looking and pointing skyward, with his eyes rolled back in their sockets (he was about 45). With a little beer in my belly I then rocked the price Chopper where I was able to wade through the 300lb herd to pick up the Jay family essentials. Let me tell you... it is ALWAYS a good idea to A)let you 5 yr old push the cart (preferably into other shoppers) and B) look in one direction while pushing your cart in the opposite direction (preferably into other shoppers). I then bagged my own groceries while the 8 teenagers "working" at the store stood around and chatted about the sex they are not having and the zits they most certainly are having! I'll take plastic please!

Hey, the Patriots are pretty good. The Dolphins and J-E-T-S... not so much.

Chewing tobacco may give you moth cancer but with it's smooth satisfying flavor... you can count on smooth satisfying moth cancer! Sorry, I was just reading a magazine in my other office and thought that ad was funny.

Hey Mel Gibson, I have one criticism concerning Apocalypto... more violence!!!!

Trinity football... more laterals!! http://sports.espn.go.com/broadband/video/videopage?videoId=3083220&categoryId=2564308&n8pe6c=2&lpos=spotlight&lid=tab5pos1

Jay About Town... more ellipses... And way more exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last thing, one more rant about VT. The service! In a metropolitan area you pay a professional, they grumble, they do the job, they make every attempt to do the job professionally, and they take pride in their work. Here? If you can find someone actually willing to do some work (needs to be between 10AM and 3PM), you pay them more than they deserve, they usually do not do the job and if they do it is shit, you complain, they are already closed, they do not have call waiting... or email... or an answering machine... you seethe and contemplate burning their business down, they go on a 3 month vacation courtesy of their trust fund and or welfare check!!!!!!!! So that's fun.

OK, enough for now... it's time to put out the vibe

Schill for the Man

2 down... 2 to go! 1 night after laying an absolute smackdown on the Rockies, the Red Sox worked to pull out a gutsy 2-1 win. Curt Schilling may be as old as my dad but that old fart can throw. The buzzword du jour... guile. Shilling didn't have gas but he did have "GUILE". I guess I need to brush up on my English because I had no idea guile meant "bad hitting lineup used to hitting in a huge park 50K feet above sea level"?! In any event... it was a great game and once again crusty Mike Lowell came up with a huge play that ultimately swung the game in their favor. Lowell has created a tough situation for any GM in baseball. He played way over his head in a contract year. As much as you like his "guile" and his glove, he will never hit like this again. So as a Red Sox fan you hate to lose him, realize you cannot replace him, but ultimately need to let him go. Was that last little blurb a little weepy?! Well F*** YOU!!! Just kidding, Mike Lowell is great, I hope he gets a big contract somewhere in the National League.

My wife is out of town so I was also able to watch a movie last night... no, not that kind of movie! Clerks 2, it was way too wordy. Unlike the first movie, the dialogue was not very witty. They just swore alot and made a bunch of gay jokes. The only redeeming quality was a sort of funny donkey love gag, and Rosario Dawson... who was pretty cute (i.e. hot!). Just in case you were wondering, I ate a cookie... BEFORE DINNER! Then had a couple beers, leftovers, another cookie, and fell asleep on the couch. That is the glamorous life of the bachelor, soak it in baby!!!

Hot Dog!

What a start for the Sox! Beckett pitched well, especially that first inning, and the rest of the team really put the wood to the ball (heh-heh). Anytime you are afforded the luxury of letting Eric Gagne pitch a whole inning of regulation baseball, well sir, you are doing ok! Julio "I love to grab my crotch" Lugo picked up a couple of hits, as did JD Drew. Just amazing all around. Of course it was a little bittersweet as I had to get up at 4:45 AM to drive the little lady to the airport. That's the type of sweet guy I am. I will however be a shell of myself by about 3PM. Already a little shaky. What can I say, I need my beauty sleep... you don't get these shockingly good looks through luck folks!!!

That's a Man...Man!

I am a huge fan of the New York Post. I also enjoy the Boston Herald and the New York Daily News, but there is nothing quite like the Post. The story that has my attention of late revolves around billionaire Jeffrey Epstein. Apparently he is in hot water for soliciting sex from underage prostitutes. Pretty salacious story right? Well, it gets better. He got sued last week for having relations w/ a then underage model who now is twenty something years old but at the time of the incident was so emotionally damaged she could not bring charges. Beyond the oddness of the underage and "unnatural" sex acts... this model was pictured w/ her much older, fatter, uglier, lawyer/boyfriend! Not only extremely salacious, but fishy, very fishy. But wait, it gets better! The she is a he! It's a dude! Maximilla was once Maxillian!!! Well, it might all be fake but it's a funny story anyway

http://www.nypost.com/seven/10232007/news/regionalnews/gender_bend_shocker.htm

Do you like Strawberry? Well, how about...RAWBERRY!!!!!!!!

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/5176

This Week in Music

Not for nothing but this guy is worth millions of dollars. If YOU have ever purchased a HoBo Joe, er, uh, Kid Rock song or album... this is where your money has gone. Can anyone really be shocked this knucklehead got in a brawl at a truck stop waffle house? I sort of imagined his mug shot would be the result of a harmless misunderstanding w/ the maitre d' at Chez Something or Rather. Man, I was way off!!!!! So in closing, good people of the jury, I would ask... is this the face of a criminal? I say no! Heavens NO!!!!!!!

The Mo Fo World Series!!!!

Pretty good weekend if you are a Boston fan. Sox working thru a few jams on their way to a World Series, BC football moves up a spot in the BCS and they didn't even play, the Patriots lay another smackdown on the hapless 'Phins, and that Head of the Charles race where the hoity toity go to see and be seen (to be fair it is a really fun time). In the name of full disclosure, I am a pretty big Red Sox fan. The nature of a Sox fan does not allow you to really enjoy their success until the end of a winning game while you die a little inside w/ each miscue. This has been written ad nausea by better writers than I so I will no belabor the point. Just know that last night I was a mess until the final Paplebon out... and then it was sheer joy!

By the way, as much as JD Drew (not a bad series) and Coco Crisp tried to wrestle the title away, was there a worse Sox player this season than Julio Lugo? I mean he looked like he had money on Cleveland last night. He couldn't hit, couldn't run, couldn't field, and was a complete disaster. Given the deer in the headlights look he had, I actually thought the Sox had miraculously picked up Reche Caldwell to play shortstop last night!!!!

Meanwhile, by the time I was able to flip on the Patriots game on the radio (I was eating fiber cereal and getting my ass kicked by my wife in golf at the In-Law's) the Pats had the hot dog guy at QB throwing 75 yard bombs to the bathroom attendant. Call me a nerd but Tom Brady is carrying the Patriots as well as my fantasy football team, and he dates supermodels, and impregnates hot actresses... I want to hate him out of sheer jealous spite but he put up 50 points to lead my team to victory?! What is a lame ass like me to do? Fortunately for me, my wife is pretty hot too. I was able to catch a little of the Denver/Steelers game between innings of the baseball game. Neither of those teams really scare me much. The Broncos QB looks like he might crap his pants at any moment and their top RB is about to go Ricky Williams on us. Those 2 could be our generation's Cheech and Chong. The Steelers meanwhile have a, a, a... I don't even know what they have but they lost to a sucky Denver team last night ergo, they suck worse!!! On the other hand, what do I know... I couldn't pick a winner w/ the spread if my life depended on it. I have a better chance of guessing when Brittney Spears will get sober than picking football winners this season?

Couple short observations... Unbelievable foliage this week... amazing colors, great New England weather... really a pretty spectacular way to usher in the next 6 months of cold gloom! I read a story about how Radiohead offered its fans the ability to download their new album for free and then the fans complained about the sound quality and said it was merely a marketing ploy to get you to buy the album. Guess what dipshits, it was a ploy to get you to but the album!!! The band put the work into making it, the least you can do is fork over $10 to buy it if you like it, or don't. Just don't whine about the sound quality of a free download... you are not entitled to take some one's stuff for free just because you own a computer!!!!!!!! Like exclamation points? Get used to them, I use 'em a lot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GO SOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This Seems Like a Good Idea

Trailer park becomes 'paradise' for sex offenders

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/10/17/trailer.sexoffender/index.html

or...

Ellen DeGeneres Says Dog Drama Has 'Gotten Out of Hand'

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,303198,00.html


then again...

http://www.nypost.com/seven/10182007/entertainment/fashion/hell_yeah_.htm

USA! USA! USA!

You know, in these turbulent times, threats all around us, turmoil within... it is comforting to quietly remember the words of a true poet.

I am a real American, Fight for the rights of every man,

I am a real American, fight for what's right, fight for your life!

When it comes crashing down, and it hurts inside,

ya' gotta take a stand, it don't help to hide,

Well, you hurt my friends, and you hurt my pride,

I gotta be a man; I can't let it slide,

I am a real American, Fight for the rights of every man,

I am a real American, fight for what's right, fight for your life!

I feel strong about right and wrong,

And I don't take trouble for very long,

I got something deep inside of me, and courage is the thing that keeps us free,

I am a real American, Fight for the rights of every man,

I am a real American, fight for what's right, fight for your life!

Well you hurt my friends, and you hurt my pride,

I gotta be a man; I can't let it slide,

I am a real American, Fight for the rights of every man,

I am a real American, fight for what's right, fight for your life!

I am a real American, Fight for the rights of every man,

I am a real American, fight for what's right, fight for your life!

Review: Zodiac

Looking for a way to spend an innordinate amount of time (2hr 38m)? Looking for gratuittous violence? How about multiple characters who seem to be very loosely connected and go through ups and downs but never find any type of resolution? How about a story that seems to have a hypothesis regarding an unsolved crime but then realizes it does not have a complete base of facts and bails out at the end w/ no ends to justify terribly painful means?! Uninterested in hearing what the actors are saying because they talk to softly, the music is too loud, and they generally have a cigarette in their mouth? Do you want Jake GYLYNLAHHALLEN doing Jake Gyllakehnenhalun things?!?!? Than Zodiac is the movie for you!!!!!! It is too long, cuts it's only entertaining character (Robert Downy Jr.) too early and w/ his character still woefully underdeveloped, and generally just SUCKS! They had a nice little idea but tried to incorporate far too many facets to a complicated case. If you are getting into an unsolved case of this magnitude I think you have to take the Oliver Stone JFK route and just make a huge leap of faith and make a bunch of shit up. At the end of the day there is a reason the police could never make a compelling case against anyone.

On the bright side the soundtrack is fantastic.

F*ING TUESDAY!

To be fair I started the day out a little on the cranky side... Last night I sat through a Red Sox meltdown which put me in a foul mood and and to search around for the source of an odd dead animal smell emenating from the first floor of my house. I am a little wary of getting a pet but the mouse situation is ridiculous. I have also been having strange dreams of persecution... like getting arrested for something I did not do and then getting harrassed by the police as I try to explain my innosence. What the hell is that all about?! So then I get up this morning and it's dark and cold. I live in an area of the country where you spend 6 months in the cold and dark; it's dark when to wake up and go to work, it's dark when you come home, the only light you see during the week is from the window of your office or the 5 minutes it takes to walk to a sanwich shop for lunch. Believe me, that is not in the least bit depressing! So I take a luke warm shower, trip over my wife's shoes in the hall, pick out mismatched socks in the dark, and then trip over the gym bag I laid out for myself the previous evening. Banner day so far. So I finally get on the road. It doesn't take long before I am trapped on Route 7. Traffic is not so bad here but for some reason there is a perponderance of dipshits who think they should get in the passing lane in order to drive slowly and NOT PASS!!!!!!! So you get two morons driving the the same speed (5mph below the limit) side by side. If this is you, why the F*ck do you do this?! Just pull over for the love of all that is holy! If you see the dude right up on your ass waving you over and screaming at you? That is ME, and YOU are doing the wrong thing! The icing on the cake this morning was the guy with the "BIDS" vanity plates driving 30MPH in a 45. I finally got around him and realized what was diverting his attention from the road... he was picking his nose and eating it. I would show a $20 "BID" for the Smails kid to not drive anymore. **Sorry if you are reading this nose picker, but eating it is a big faux pas.

So back to the animal issue. My special lady (i.e. my spouse), suggested I use this forum to break out one of my all time gems. Not sure how it will translate in writing as opposed to a verbal telling but here goes. So my wife tells me she has seen a huge mouse in the house. We have seen a few before, it is an 1870s farm house in the country... these things happen. So we are sleeping one night when I have to take a pee. Now, the free spirit I am, I'm sleeping naked... BUTT-NAKED! It's around 2AM mid week so I am still half asleep, hand on the wall supporting myself, when I see something out of the corner of my eye. I snap awake and turn my head to see that huge f*ing mouse. I mean seriously, it's like 7 inches long! I am still mid stream, I can't stop once I start... it stings. I am peeing, trying not to pee on the floor while I watch this giant mouse cruise around the bathroom. I finish up and he settles into a plant we have that is in a basket. What should I do? I decide to go gladiator style and grab the plunger. AAAHHHHAAYAYYHAHAH!!!!!!!!! I make a huge stabbing motion down across the bathroom and thrap the thing in the plant bathroom. So here I am holding the basket (imagine and easter basket) with the mouse trapped under the plunger. BTW, did I mention I was au natural? I run out in the hall and start yelling for my wife. She comes running out (still asleep) like there is a fire or something. There I am in the hall, 2AM in the morning, stark naked, holding a basket with a plunger jammed in it. She looks me up and down and says something to the effect of "what the hell are you doing?". "I've trapped the mouse! Go open the door!" She asks me if I need some pants? Good idea but my hands are a bit full, how am I supposed to get them on? So she runs down and opens the dooor. I come flying down after were (stuff all over the place) and run outside throwing the whole basket out into the night! BOO-YEAH!!

So yeah... I probably don't need a cat or anything.

A mini pub crawl

So one reason I put this bad dog online was that I really enjoy writing little bursts about things, places, and experiences I have come across. I really enjoy little things and have found that I have become a cosmic intersection of weird and funny shit. I had been posting some things for the folks in my office and I really enjoyed that but at a certain level, due to time contraints (and some possible legal constraints), it made sense for me to find a different outlet for my energies. I have never been very good at keeping journals so this may fizzle like Corey Haim's career (minus the coke, spiked hair, and excessive weight).

On Sunday, my special lady had put in a bunch of hours doing schoolwork (she is hooking up an MBA so I can be a stay at home husband) and deserved a break. We decided on a trip to the big city... Burlington! As this is the intranet, I challenge the 2 people who don't know me to guess what state?! First stop? The Bangkok Bistro for a martini and appetizer. Let's just get this out of the way, the extra dry Bombay Saphire martini (his) and the Ketel One w/ a twist (hers) were large and in charge! The veggie egg roll was also quite nice. But here is where the real action was at! We sat at the bar, another couple deep in conversation to our left... a solo guy reading a book to our right. Game in hand I was wearing my Red Sox hat when the guy looked over and asked in a thick Mass accent (I guessed dorchester, he said vaguely North Shoa), "what was the final scoa?". This opened up a little dialogue about name, occupation, hometown, etc... "GUY" was from the North Shoa, worked on 18 wheeler automatic engines, was a good looking well kept guy, and was reading one of my favorite books... Dostoesky's "The Idiot". "GUY" had read several of "this guy's books". Small talk aside the conversation was over right? WRONG!!! "GUY" went on to tell us all about Canada; the banking system, Toronto Dominion, crossing the border, the girls, his girlfriends in Montreal (those are strippers to you and me), how Canada was the most fiscally sound country in the world, and how Canadian banks forgave almost all overdrafts in lieu of simple low interest payments, far lower than here in the States. I have to admit, between trying to ignore him and the martini, I lost most of the conversation... the gist being that Canada is much nicer, cleaner, friendlier, and better managed than the U.S. of A.! What I did notice is that he kept mentioning vague run ins w/ the law and how he was able to talk his way out of issues w/ the MAN here and North of the border. I was already a little alarmed and trying to wiggle our way out. That's when "GUY" mentioned something that was no big deal but was on his record and gave hime problems in Canada. I won't mention it, it may be no big deal...or it may get you killed in prison! CHECK PLEASE!!!!

Stop number 2... Taste. We had visited this spot a few times before but it had been awhile. We had been just passing by but decided to poke our heads in for a look. It was warm in temperature and overall atmosphere. Upon entry we immediatly ran into my man Jimmy B waiting for a table, w/ his special lady, his sister, and nephew. What I didn't know was that Jim was the mayor of Taste. He talked it up, gave us a drink recomendation, and put in a word w/ the bartender, Carol!! Hot Dog, it was go time!!!! Now let me tell you a secret, Jay About Town is no stranger to a fruity cocktail. I am married and a huge lady killer... no worries about my manliness my friends!!! We hit up the special "Stonefruit Martini" and it was as advertised! A special concoction made up w/ care and love by the owner chef himself and boozed up from our very busy but professional and nice mixologist Carol. We then rocked another app., the veggie fritters w/ a sweet peanut sauce. Another winner, they were quite good! After that I was a little martini'd out and it was time to go home.

Overall, I give the evening 2 solid thumbs up... doesn't get much stranger than that for a 3 hour study break!!! I always enjoy the Bangkok's martinis and suggest them to anyone w/ a driver and bit of courage. I also am going to put Taste back in the mix and try dinner in the near future... the moral there is sometimes a place needs to grow into it's own!!! And w/ a cloud of dust and a hearty High-Ho!