Yesterday was quite a clusterf***. My kind nearly decapitated herself, I had to have an unpleasant conversation w/ an employee, I had to make nice w/ an old boss... but by far, the absolute rock bottom was my trip to the DMV! F*** the DMV!!! My birthday is coming up in a few days and my license is about to run out so I went for what should have been a pretty simple task of renewing a license. First off, there are 3 types of licenses you can get here in VT. One is utterly useless, one is normal, and one is ridiculous overkill. Even for the normal one I was getting, I needed more forms of identification than required to purchase a human being. If you have your old ID and it has your picture shouldn't that be enough? It is the DMV, they probably should be able to sniff out a fake no? And it is not like I am a 16yr old trying to fake my way into buying beer or a terrorist working my way towards a pilot's license. I am a medium height (I swear) balding white man just trying to drive a car without the fuzz getting on my case. So I get there early afternoon and wait in the info line to get a number so I can wait for my next line. A guy comes over to complain to information lady that no "C"s have been called out in like 45 minutes. Not only are there numbers but also letters. One woman w/ 2 patient but losing patience kids has number B106. She is f***. The info. lady explains only a few people at the DMV can handle C issues and they should be coming back from lunch soon, she then in an amazing act takes her break so another info lady can get in the mix. It is 1:30pm mind you. I get D38. Whatever that means. So now there is mad C guy, a disheveled woman yelling about her 30 days of sobriety and her long wait to probably get her license back, a weird kid talking to an old lady about church retreats and the new minister, getting fussy kids, and the rest of the assorted cast of characters in an absolutely packed space. I get a seat and start my wait. It feels like forever. Finally I get called after an hour and make my way to stall 10. The guy takes my various forms of ID and goes to copy them. He then hands me back the form he needs and forgets to give me back my W2. We shuffle paper for a bit. He asks if that is my real signature? Why would I fake it? Is that a real thing, faking your signature at the DMV? I say yes and show him my old license to prove it. We go back and forth a bit. I make a joke about being a doctor, he doesn't get it. I am quickly discovering why it takes so long to get anything done at the DMV... there is a large brain suck going on there. I then go to get my picture taken. Of course he has to comment on my straight face. Hey, my old license picture looks like a mug shot. I want the cops to fear me when they pull me over! So I then go back to wait for the license to print out. Of course this also takes forever because some old guy is dominating information lady and won't go sit the f*** down so the line to get their number/print out is getting longer and longer. And the morons at the DMV can't figure out how to form a line so it goes 5 deep then becomes an amoebic mess at the wall like the band in the alley in Animal House.
Finally I get the license and after 1hr 45m I get out. At Starbucks I order an ice coffee and in a state of near catatonia I knock the whole thing over on the counter reaching for the milk. I am an idiot. The barista was very nice. DMV, you get 2 thumbs way down. Starbucks, 2 thumbs up on this day.
Kind of felt like this actually...
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