J.A.T. Exclusive!!!

Here at Jay About Town we received exclusive unreleased (and possibly... entirely fake) excerpts from last night's Republican debates!

CNN's John King: Mr. Gingrich, an explosive interview has just come out in which your ex-wife describes your requests for an open marriage among other tawdry details.  How do you respond?

Newt Gingrich:  This is another example of the left leaning media agenda attacking America like a child molester.  Good decent Americans cannot even think about becoming president these days. Maybe I did want Gingrich gang bangs, and maybe I did kill a gardener for messing up my rose bushes, and maybe I did collect millions for advising fees from fat cats I now denounce?  Remember Bill Clinton... I can't be worse than he was right?

Mr. King:  Sir I am a registered Republican.

Gingrich: Commie!

King:  Ok, moving on... Mr. Romney, you have been criticized as a consolidator and have benefited from the pain of others in your capacity at Bain Capital in the 80s.  How would you characterize your time there.

Mitt Romney:  Well, there was a time that we were a firm, as it were, that was not per ce, strictly speaking, a more or less better or worse, but usually quite the opposite, conglomerate, who consulted on this and that in order to further an agenda for others. 

King:  What?

Romney:  Exactly!

King: Uh, will you release your tax returns?

Romney: Would Brigham Young take 12 wives?

King:  I have no idea?

Romney:  Romney 1... King 0.  And that will be $17354863.00 for the billable hours!

King: I am confused.  Ron Paul, why the f*** are you still here?

Ron Paul: Gadzooks!

King: Seriously, this is devolving quickly.  Mr. Santorum, you have come out of nowhere to be a real factor in the deep red of the conservative core.  What would you attribute your resurgence to?

Santorum:  Well, an improved focus.  Plus, I hate Obama, immigrants, poor people, and gays.

King: You what?

Santorum: Let's stay on message here... did you forget about that philanderer Newt?

King: I, uh, suppose I have?

Gingrich:  You are a dirty hippy John.  But your wife is very attractive... what are you guys doing after this shindig?

King:  And with that I will turn it over to Wolf Blitzer in the studio!


****speaking of terrible ideas...
http://www.foxnews.com/scitech/2012/01/20/sega-aims-for-new-revenue-stream-with-urinal-video-game/?intcmp=features