BOOBS!!!

Again I am trying to determine how traffic finds its way to Jay About Town.  That header should do something right?  Right?!?!?1

So boobs right... That guy my wife and I saw making a left turn while listening to huge headphones and reading a magazine on Route 7?  Yup, giant boob. 

Well, that took awhile...

The Fiddlehead Brewery finally opened in Shelburne, across from the winery on rt.7.  I am always interested in new beers in the area so clearly I stopped in for the opening weekend.  It is a beautiful space.  Clean, wide open, and w/ huge windows so you can check out the process from the tasting room.  There was no shortage or loiterers.  Like many new VT businesses this one is trying to pull off the family operation thing it seems.  I like the idea but you really can't run a business that way.  There is too much distraction.  That was clearly the case here.  This place has been in the hopper for months.  When I showed up I was the only one there looking to actually pay hard currency for anything and yet I was not as interesting as the "intern", the "soon to be restaurant employee", the 6 kids, or the random guy at the end of the bar.  The helpless girl behind the bar had little knowledge of the beer and also was unsure about brewery capacity etc... One older woman was more knowledgeable but was distracted and back and forth between the bar and the brewery floor.  The brewmaster was also back and forth but not very interested in conversing. This place has been a woulda coulda shoulda for awhile now. The restaurant which is a pizza joint is still not open even though the building owner is the proprietor.  They would be well served to focus on customers and build a following rather than chat w/ their deadbeat friends.  The beer is not that good.  It is ok but lacks depth.  I had a growler of the IPA.  It had the hop bitterness but not that nice fresh flavor or aroma. A few of the really solid hoppy offerings out there locally like the Hill Farmstead beers, the Heady Topper, even the Zero Gravity TLA have a depth of flavor and aroma that make the first sip as good as the last.  This one takes awhile to kill your taste buds in order to enjoy.  There is potential there but it is not one of my favorites.  It is always hard to tell how a business will do in VT because the people are weird but if I were a betting man (and I am), I would say they will be lucky to make it 1 year.  Clearly this one has a tough location (great for me though), terrible service or business acumen, and so far so so beer.  The pizza place had better be great.  Seriously, shape up Fiddlehead, you have a ton of potential but a little too much smuggery.

On the flip side another in the Flatbread incestuous family, El Cojito made another positive impression on us Saturday.  The tacos were pretty fresh and tasted good.  I even thought the goat special w/ puffed tortilla was solid.  The margs which I tried for the first time are ok... a little heavy on that lime acidity.  The beers are cheap but everything else is a little overpriced, that is my one complaint.  Otherwise the food was good, the service acceptable, and the place was pretty full at 2pm which is a good sign.  Ole!

Let's do it again! Beer Funnel Time!!!!!

My most searched term on this blog is some derivative of ice luge.  Apparently when people want to read about or determine the construction of an ice luge they are directed to this little slice of heaven.  Well, let's try it again. How about we examine the construction of a beer funnel, also known as a beer bong.  Are you 21 years of age or older?  Ok, cool.  First, go to your local hardware store and purchase (don't steal) a plastic funnel.  Don't be a pansy, get the big one, 22oz at least!  You will also need a length of flexible rubber hose, about 2' long and 2.5-3mm in diameter.  Make sure it fits snugly to the bottom of the funnel which should be about 2.5mm.  If not exact you can always duct tape that shit tight.  You will also need a 30 rack of cheap light beer, preferably Natural Light or Bud Light.  Worried about the contact w/ the plastic you may be ingesting?  Seriously, stop being a fruitcake!  You are in process of killing brain cells so the incremental plastic exposure is minimal.  Ok, place the hose tightly over the bottom small opening of the funnel.  Your construction is complete!  Now get on one knee.  hold the other unattached end of the hose at equal height to the funnel and place one thumb over the hose opening.  Pour 1-2 beers into the funnel depending on your level of rock star awesomeness.  put the hose in your mouth and lift or have a partner lift the funnel above your head... and prepare to enjoy!  You have just funneled a beer my friend.  And maybe poured beer all over yourself, sprayed it all over onlookers, shot beer out your nose... or puked!  It's a party!!!!

Now, don't be an idiot, this site is a joke so don't go funnelling beer like you are Keith Richard's golf caddie.  Speaking of jokes...

Jay About Pistou

Finally made my way over to Pistou over by August First on main street and something or rather.  It was a short lived over priced tapas joint and a weird Greek coffee shop before that.  The current incarnation is a clean high quality fancy bistro type thing.  I got a little shit about it from my fellow diners as it is a Middlebury alums operation but the kids running the show are much younger than I am and I have no specific axe to patronize a Midd. joint.  That said the space is clean and bright and certainly comfortable enough.  We had lunch, I went w/ the 1/2 mackerel sandwich and soup combo.  The soup was rutabaga and celery root and was very good.  Earthy but a little sweet and a great consistency, almost thick foam.  It was very good.  The sandwich was pretty solid as well.  It was cold cured mackerel w/ frise and garlic aioli on a crusty baguette.  The bread was great, the mackerel was mild and the aioli had nice flavor w/out being overpowering.  The whole this was good.  The prices were steep but not outrageous and the service was solid but a little slow for the small number of patrons.  Not sure I will make a habit of this as I very rarely am able to sit down for lunch and the site is a little off the run (out of sight, out of mind)... but I thought this was a very nice meal and look forward to trying dinner.

As a quick aside we had another pretty solid meal at Antidote in Vergennes Friday night.  It was packed w/ a band and the over 40 local crowd (not attractive).  Drinks were hard to get but delicious and the sidecar for my Manhattan was money.  I had a brisket sandwich and it was very good.  Well cooked meat and a nice BBQ sauce.  That place is really quite good and seems to fly under the radar.

That is it.  Dry and boring review.  How about those Patriots?  Did not really play well and still in the Super Bowl. 

J.A.T. Exclusive!!!

Here at Jay About Town we received exclusive unreleased (and possibly... entirely fake) excerpts from last night's Republican debates!

CNN's John King: Mr. Gingrich, an explosive interview has just come out in which your ex-wife describes your requests for an open marriage among other tawdry details.  How do you respond?

Newt Gingrich:  This is another example of the left leaning media agenda attacking America like a child molester.  Good decent Americans cannot even think about becoming president these days. Maybe I did want Gingrich gang bangs, and maybe I did kill a gardener for messing up my rose bushes, and maybe I did collect millions for advising fees from fat cats I now denounce?  Remember Bill Clinton... I can't be worse than he was right?

Mr. King:  Sir I am a registered Republican.

Gingrich: Commie!

King:  Ok, moving on... Mr. Romney, you have been criticized as a consolidator and have benefited from the pain of others in your capacity at Bain Capital in the 80s.  How would you characterize your time there.

Mitt Romney:  Well, there was a time that we were a firm, as it were, that was not per ce, strictly speaking, a more or less better or worse, but usually quite the opposite, conglomerate, who consulted on this and that in order to further an agenda for others. 

King:  What?

Romney:  Exactly!

King: Uh, will you release your tax returns?

Romney: Would Brigham Young take 12 wives?

King:  I have no idea?

Romney:  Romney 1... King 0.  And that will be $17354863.00 for the billable hours!

King: I am confused.  Ron Paul, why the f*** are you still here?

Ron Paul: Gadzooks!

King: Seriously, this is devolving quickly.  Mr. Santorum, you have come out of nowhere to be a real factor in the deep red of the conservative core.  What would you attribute your resurgence to?

Santorum:  Well, an improved focus.  Plus, I hate Obama, immigrants, poor people, and gays.

King: You what?

Santorum: Let's stay on message here... did you forget about that philanderer Newt?

King: I, uh, suppose I have?

Gingrich:  You are a dirty hippy John.  But your wife is very attractive... what are you guys doing after this shindig?

King:  And with that I will turn it over to Wolf Blitzer in the studio!


****speaking of terrible ideas...
http://www.foxnews.com/scitech/2012/01/20/sega-aims-for-new-revenue-stream-with-urinal-video-game/?intcmp=features

So

There is strong and then there is Army strong.  And then there is old man strong.  And sinewy strong,  And then there is huge fat guy surprisingly strong.  And then there is the smell of 2 day old chili farts strong.  And Superman strong.  And then there is stuck on syrup cap strong.  Then there is 10% alcohol beer strong (which is sneaky strong... I have heard).  Then there is the talent in South Beach strong.  Finally there is Jay About Town joke strong.  That one is not always so strong.  Not like Tebow media love strong. 

Stopped by new Mexican joint El Cortijo.  It was pretty good.  Guacamole was really good but the garlic was intense.  We had a queso fundito that was pretty ok but a little thin... not as good as Frida's.  I had 3 tacos.  The Pollo was good, needed more flavor though.  The special taco had fried plantains and was quite good.  The plantains were crispy and had good flavor.  The sweet potato and kale taco w/ pumpkin seeds was ok but I wish the sweet potatoes were a mash rather than fried up like tiny breakfast potatoes.  Overall it was a good early showing.  Service at the bar was good, it was crowded but not uncomfortable... and pricey.  As usual for Burlington Mexican, the price is too high and the food is good not great.  But I will go back because ok Mexican is still Mexican.  Let the farting begin!!!!!!!

Jay About South Beach

I was in Miami over the weekend for a conference and I will tell you that South Beach in January ain't bad!  It was sunny and 75 every day.  The last 2 years this conference was in D.C..  As you can imagine, meetings at the Delano hotel possibly in a cabana by the pool is much better than in a stuffy overheated small conference room in the Marriott.  Conversations were good and people were surprisingly focused although most folks had similar ideas about the market which always makes me nervous, you know, the lemming phenomena.  In any event, it was great to be warm for a few days.  I can give 1 definitive review and it is the hotel I stayed in.  Lots of people had corporate discounts or just a ton of money and could stay at the Shore Club, or the Delano, or the Loews.  I had neither and stayed at The Albion.  It was small and clean which I suppose was fine for me.  One friend showed me a picture of blood stains on the ottoman in their room at the Shelburne.  Probably want to avoid that place. Just sayin'.  Anyway, on the plane from NY to Florida I noticed that the plane was 40% folks over 65 and 40% families.  I had one Canadian dude behind me snorting in snot loudly every 5 seconds and next to me was a 13 year old girl who talked too loud and coughed and sneezed all over me for 3 hours.  Needless to say I am sick right now. 

So the old folks brigade continued at the Albion.  It was a steady stream of octogenarians that culminated w/ the old lady that was mad that the elevator stopped on more than one floor and kept yammering on about the 3 banana for $1 down the street at the farmer's market.  I did not venture to the pool.  One last thing... if you are thinking about renting a yellow Lamborghini to impress everyone in town, probably figure out how to drive it and or do not get it in bright yellow.  Otherwise you will look like an asshole, until that smoking hot model/hooker gets out of the car w/ you.  Then you are still an asshole but guys will be at least a little envious.

F*** It

I apologize if this post sucks... I have been in a pretty foul mood this week and have not been sleeping well.  Frankly I am disgusted w/ some of the bullshit I have seen recently but that is neither here nor there so let's dive into some NYC restaurant reviews shall we?

One night we hit up sushi at Takahashi in Tribecca and as usual it was excellent w/ a very good vibe and reasonable prices.  I have reviewed this one before so let's move on.  Motorino Pizza in the east village.  Excellent as well.  The crust was a little charred and somehow was crispy on the outside but soft and chewy like a bagel on the inside.  Certainly unlike the typical NY pizza experience but really very good.  They serve up individual pies and even though you think you will not finish it... you just might!  I had sausage, garlic, and Cremini mushrooms that also featured deliciously salty Gaeta olives.  My special lady went w/ the Magherita which had some off the hook tomato sauce as well as fantastic Mozz.  One odd thing was that the specialty pizza was sold out and it was not even 7:30 when we got there?  Also feature an excellent but pricey beer and wine selection.

One day we hit up lunch at Parm on Mulberry between Prince and Spring.  This place is sick.  They take old school "Americanized Italian" and just make it delicious.  We shared a couple sodas, a salad, mozzarella sticks, and a chicken parm sandwich.  The cheese sticks were ridiculous w/ tender cheese and phenomenal breading that was not at all greasy.  The sandwich?  Great chicken, great cheese, and amazing red sauce that is sweet and tomato-y and just delicious.  This place is tight, chatty, and very good.

I need to look up the name of the Thai place we ate... it was a funny experience but I need to hold off.  How about fun drinks?  One night we had a couple cocktails at Weather Up which was nice but the real deal was Angel's Share in the East Village.  It is a speak easy type joint that you need to "discover" by going into an unmarked door in the waiting lobby of a Japanese restaurant filled w/ families waiting for sushi.  Once inside you must sit down... there is no standing allowed.  The scene is intimate and clubby.  They have an excellent supply of booze w/ some very nice Japanese whiskies.  They also mix up pretty solid cocktails including the Manhattan I enjoyed.  Some of the drinks are gimmicky and it is not a super friendly chat w/ the bartender place but if you want to feel cool and exclusive but you are not either this is a decent place.  Bring your wallet. 

So that is brief and not awesome but there you go w/ a few recommendations for your next time in the big city.  Now I am going to find someone on Church Street to kick me in the balls a bunch of times, I am just starting to get used to the feeling and want to stay sharp.

Hard Getting Back in the Swing

I took some time off over the holidays and after 10 glorious days of not sitting in this not so pleasant seat I can assure you it is difficult getting back in the game.  I did get quite a bit of work done though so that is good.  When people tell you they worked all day don't you often wonder what the f*** they actually occupy themselves w/ all day?  Well I am not giving away my secrets!  In any event... we spent most of last week in NYC and I have plenty of restaurant reviews to get to.  I am tired today though so I am going to stiff my loyal readers (both of you) and do a quick couple of movie reviews.

One afternoon we had planned to take a walk up the West Side to a newer park and check it out but it started raining and between the cold, the wind, and the rain my lady and I decided maybe it was a movie day.  It is tough to get a week rolling with steady bar hopping at 1pm, although not impossible.  We went to the theater over in the World Financial Center complex and it is really quite nice.  It was big, and clean, and not very crowded.  The stadium seating was fantastic and the screen and sound were excellent.  We plopped down somewhere in the neighborhood of $823,365,365.00 for the two of us and settled in for what was sure to be mentally stimulating, Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows.  It was long.  I enjoyed it, my wife not so much.  It is big and loud and there are explosions and stupid one liners.  It was an acceptable way to spend a rainy day in my opinion if you like that sort of mental trash (which I do).  It is best experienced on the big screen if you have a chance.  We both agreed it was better than the first Sherlock Holmes movie and that was mainly due to the bad guy Moriarty who was pretty good.  I'd give it a soggy 1 thumb up.

Next up was a rental... Limitless with Bradley Cooper.  This one was free on Netflix (well, you know, not really free).  The title was not accurate.  There is a limit, to my patience.  This movie kind of sucked.  It did not really make sense, the characters were not compelling, and it featured a now expected Robert Deniro special delivery.  That guy mails in so much stuff these days he must get a special UPS rate.  To be fair I have seen worse but I would not suggest this one unless you are really bored, or like Bradley Cooper. 1 thumb down.

Another rental in the mix... The Devil's Double.  This one was about the guy who was Uday Hussein's body double in the 90s.  That guy Uday was f*d up in the head, seriously.  The story stays pretty true to historical fact according to several Internet sources I looked up until a bit of a leap at the end but they sort of had to make that jump.  I didn't know any of the actors but they were all pretty good especially the lead guy who was excellent in double duty as the body double and Uday.  Plenty of excitement and intrigue.  I'd give it 1 2/3rd thumbs up.

Last but not least (that was Limitless) was The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, over at the theater in SoBu.  This cost a fraction of what the NY theater was and for obvious reasons.  Whatever, on to the movie.  It was pretty good.  It stuck to the book for the most part and was just uncomfortable enough.  There was a slight change at the end and they left some things out but I am not sure they were necessary so it did not bother me at all.  It was still a long movie at around 3 hours.  Daniel Craig was good and so was Mara Rooney who pulled off the androgynous, punky, yet still kind of sexy lead.  The bad guy was also solid as a creepy killer.  We both liked it and thought the time went by effortlessly.  I think this one would work on the big or small screen though it was shot pretty well and the big screen gave it some gravitas.  I am giving it 1 1/2 thumbs up.

So there you go.  More on the NYC trip to come so stay tuned... I am back in the game!!!