Weird

So there are some new features on this Blog format and one of them was stats for the page.  I am a vain man and had to see how I was doing in terms of readership.  Well, much to my surprise I had some pretty decent hit volume this week, and this month. I had hits from Canada, Japan, even Brazil!  But hold on a second... one of the most viewed posts was an old one that was really just a link to Porkchop Sandwiches.  That is a great video but why all the love?  The other fan favorite was a year end pity party I had for myself.  It was not a great post but it had 33 follow up posts.  33!!  Uh oh.  The first 4 were in an Asian language.  The next one was an offer for the best "legal drugs" on the internet.  There was one about a type of blue cheese?  Somehow, my blog has been spammed... f*ing internet.  The upside is that if you want the best legal drugs, blue cheese, or you speak Mandarin Chinese... The the Rind a ding a ling post is most certainly a boon for you!!!

What a Shitty Day

Last night we heard the cat running around and knew he was chasing a mouse.  Yup, chased it right into our bedroom.  I hear it scrambling around and flip on the light!  There is the mouse, on the top of the curtains right next to our bed!!  So I let the the cat in and sure enough, he cannot find the mouse.  I lift him up to eye level w/ the frozen mouse.  Nope, still nothing.  So I drop the cat, pick up my slipper, and bash the mouse killing it in one stroke.  It falls to the ground.  Cat still has no idea what I did or where the damned mouse is.  Stupid cat.  That was at 3:30 AM.  Not a great start to the day.

Around 10AM I am taking care of my morning business when all of a sudden the fire alarm in the officee goes off. F***, am I really going to meet my end on the crapper?  So I finish up abruptly and cruise out to grab my phone and get the hell out of Dodge.  False alarm.  They were testing the system and had not briefed our office on the test.  Thanks Marley Properties... were you also testing the homeless guy taking a dump in the elevator alarm?!

11AM, I am getting some work done and I run into a system error that I will not go into here but needless to say my face turned 12 colors of red (including crimson) and I nearly lost my mind. I was karate chopping mad.  That was how mad I was.  Karate chopping mad.

Then to top it off I find out that Barry Bonds might have used steroids and cheated to get the home run record?!?!  Really?!?!?!?!?!  AAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Jay About Montreal

Great weekend up North w/ my special lady and our friends LB^2.  LB did a ton of research and we headed up w/ a great plan for the weekend.  Per my usual style I just shaved an awesome mustache and went along for the ride!

Anyway, we got up to our hotel Le Relais Lyonnais and it was great.  The guy at the front desk could not have been more friendly. The rooms were pretty decent size, quiet, well appointed and clean.  The shower also had ridiculous water pressure!  Frees coffee and water and an included breakfast at a little cafe next door that was really quite nice. They had solid omelets, real fruit salad, and nice bread.  Hotel gets 1 3/4 thumbs up and is Montreal's #1 rated hotel on Trip Advisor which is well deserved.

For dinner we went to 5e http://www.aucinquiemepeche.com/ which was off the hook.  The menu was in french but our waiter was very friendly and patient.  After he explained it all we dove into wine and food.  There is plenty of adventure w/ brain and chips (yup brain), cow tongue, and sweet breads but we went a little more mainstream.  My lady and I started w/ delicious shrimp in vinegar and tomatoes that were succulent and delicious.  My special lady had a fantastic braised beef shoulder and I had wonderfully juicy pork loin and surprisingly delicious octopus.  We finished up w/ brownies that had surprisingly delicious sweet squash pieces.  The whole thing was great (maybe except the bill?!).  Great service, food, and space!  2 thumbs and 2 bottles of wine up!!

The bar we went to next was an in and out being a little crowded but in an aptly named move we switched gear and went to Plan B.  They provided me w/ a whiskey in 1 glass and another w/ ice to slowly cool my drink down.  Classy touch.  The "DJ" was funny dancing like a madman and working his Apple laptop.  It was fun though. Of course then we went for the completely unnecessary "last" drink.  In a bit of language barrier we were provided w/ 2 pitchers of beer instead of the 4 regular size ones we probably were better suited for. I slurred out my acceptance and we were off and running!  It gets a little hazy from there but my lady decided my stories were too long and boring and she scolded me for that which usually signals it is time to go home.  Needless to say I slept quite well.

We woke up late and had a nice breakfast and then wandered all around the city doing a little browsing, a little shopping, and a little people watching.  It was pleasant but f*cking really cold. 

That is ok because dinner again on Saturday was a real treat.  We opted for sushi at Sho dan.  With names like Explosion, Lips, and Fruity Knuckle (ok I made the last one up)... you could tell we were in for an adventure.  Unlike places in VT where the specialty rolls are ways to hide bad fish, these were well thought out perfectly sized bites of goodness that meshed flavors and textures in a really smart way.  The service was prompt, polite, and courteous.  The setting was ok, not great.  But the Saki was solid and the fish was fresh and that is most important.  The Explosion was yellow tail served in ginger and ponzu sauce and I sort of wanted to drink the sauce.  Needless to say we went back for a second round.  2 thumbs and 2 bottles of saki up.

Then on to the main event... Canadiens vs Capitals.  I am not a rabid hockey fan but I think it is one of the better sports to watch live.  This was no exception.  We sat up in the Molson Zone which I suppose is like the bleachers in Fenway.  It is loaded w/ drunk Canadians having a fun time.  It was a little rowdy and pretty fun.  The game was sloppy in the first and second period but the pace and style of play really picked up in the third.  The Caps won but the crowd stayed in it until the end.  That was fun.  Plus Pedro Martinez and some of the old Expos players were in attendance.  And there was a fat guy dancing nearby.  And hot Molson girls cheering in our area.  So those are ok things.

We stopped off on the way to the hotel at the absinthe bar in the Intercontinental.  It was cool.  They had the whole setup w/ a contraption for dripping ice cold water onto a sugar cube through a slotted spoon into special glasses.  I like rituals like that.  Not like killing a goat or singing weird songs... but dripping ice water is a-ok!!  Again we stopped off at a bar I cannot remember the name for some local beer and a chill locals vibe.   This time I did not get in trouble.  Must have been the mustache. 

Sunday we woke up late, had breakfast and did a little more shopping.  This time we went into a few cool shops and picked up some loose teas, candies, and then stopped off at this fantastic pastry shop for eclairs.  A-bird, help me out and put the name in comments?  Overall a great trip. We had a lot of fun and look forward to a return trip.

Doo Doo Follow Up!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3Yrhv33Zb8


Poop In An Elevator




Don’t want to go in Baterry Park

Thinking I don’t like the pavement

I'm bettin' that the door won’t be locked

I'm gonna have movement

But where am I gonna look?

They tell me there’s cameras on 8

I really need a toilet like an open book

Seriously I cannot wait!



Poop in an elevator

Squeezin’ it out when I'm goin' down

Poop in an elevator

Dookin’ it up all over the ground



It’s quiet in the elevator

Loan servicin’ on the second floor

I really couldn’t wait till later

I am sure glad they didn’t lock that door!

I kinda hope we get stuck

nobody sees me in here

I am enjoying this National Geographic

The finale is getting near





Poop in an elevator

Squeezin’ it out when I'm goin' down

Poop in an elevator

Dookin’ it up all over the ground



On the floor, on the floor, honey one more time now it’s on the door

Poop in an elevator

Dookin’ it up all over the ground

Poop in an elevator

Squeezin’ it out when I'm goin' down

Poop in an elevator

Dookin’ it up all over the ground



Gonna use a fake leaf to clean up

Gonna be a millionaire

I'm gonna pee on it as well

and have me a turd affair

Gotta get my timin' right

It's a torpedo that I got to pass

I'll find some newspaper in the stairway, honey

Use it to wipe my ass



Poop in an elevator

Squeezin’ it out when I'm goin' down

Poop in an elevator

Dookin’ it up all over the ground



Do you care? Do you care?

I pooped in your elevator and it just ain’t fair

Poop in an elevator

Dookin’ it up all over the ground



On the floor, on the floor

Honey one, one, one, one, one more!

Poop in an elevator

Dookin’ it up all over the ground

Jay About... To Be Sick!!!

OK, so those who know me know that I have what you might describe as a "sensitive constitution". That said, I have some boundaries. They are loose subject to change without notice but they are there. Well, apparently someone came into our office building this weekend (possible a vagrant... or a college kid), and took a dump in one of the 2 elevators. Yeah, I know right?! Somehow the building was unlocked at least the front door though not into our offices, and this person decided that a proper course of action would be to Release the Kracken! on the elevator. On the upside, they had the foresight to grab a fern leaf from the I believe fake plant in the lobby to clean up and cover up the evidence. It was mostly cleaned up when I got to work today but it still smelled pretty f**d up. If you are a building owner or a property manager, locking the doors at night and on the weekends has to be a pretty high priority right? I lock our house at night and when we are away and it certainly does not cost millions, contain paying lease holders, or attract weekend loaf pinchers. Just sayin'.

Rest of the weekend was pretty quiet. I have really been enjoying the NCAA tourney even if my bracket looks like an elevator turd. The Big East always gets tons of press, a bunch of teams in the tournament and then they implode. UConn looks good and Marquette is having a nice run but jeez. Pitt, ND, Syracuse, Georgetown?! Seriously?!

We also had a solid "bread" over at American Flatbread this weekend. We put our names in for Pennycluse and the wait was to be an hour. We checked back around 45 minutes later and they said it would be another 25. F*** those guys. The wait is always ridiculous and frankly while the food is good it is not that good. For a wait over 1 hour the food had either be transcendent or I should have the off chance of seeing Charlie Sheen make out with Denise Richards and Naomi Campbell and then donkey punch the line cook after my bread course! That would be worth an hour wait. So where was I? Oh yeah... we bailed and went to American Flatbread where we were able to enjoy a not bad Bloody Mary (w/ 8oz beer back) while waiting 25 minutes for our table and then we had a pretty good "bread", 1/2 egg white frittata (better than it sounds) and 1/2 peperoni and peppers (as good as it sounds). Set me right for the day.

Now I have to seriously think about either playing elevator roulette or taking 8 flights of stairs!

Jay About Stomach Distress

Funny, my stomach seems to be in a serious state of revolt today. I have eaten about 12 Rolaids and visited the bathroom a few times to see what's up. All I had for St. Patty's Day was a corned beef sandwich, 1/2 a pizza, and several Guinness. What could possibly be doing me in?!

Jay About the DR

Back from the Dominican Republic and it was great! I will get the typical travel unpleasantness out of the way first. We had a 6+hour layover (flight also delayed an hour) and did not get home until well past midnight so I am a little worn out today. I was also specially selected at random to have my shit searched and also get my privates worked over by some dude who probably was unhappy about it as I was. Thanks Bin Laden. On the way out of the DR I also had 4 golf balls confiscated. The guy jabbering in Spanish thought they would be more likely to be used as a weapon than my golf cleats, golf tees, of my fists of fury which are registered weapons in 8 states... go figure?

Anyway, we got down to the island last Thursday w/ very little trouble. Renting the car was also very easy. We had expected overcast skies w/ a few showers. Nope, 80 and sunny all week. The next step? A harrowing hour and a half ride on a narrow Caribbean road pocked with 2 foot deep pot holes, crazy Dominicans on motor bikes or walking out into the middle of the road, or driving beat up jalopies passing on blind curves at 90. We never felt unsafe but the DR is a somewhat lawless place. The rules of the road? Who ever makes their move first wins!!! Well, I am a bit of a madman as well so it did not take long to acclimate. In no time I was also swerving into oncoming traffic and speeding around in our rented Kia like I was Dale Earnhardt!

The country is certainly a have vs. have not island like most of the Caribbean but it is very beautiful. There are plenty of long wide beaches covered with soft sand and bright emerald and topaz waters. We stayed at a small place up in the hills a little outside the town of Cabrera... La Catalina. It had a couple roaches but for less than $100 a night and breakfast included it was a great place. Breakfast was solid and the coffee was great. Otherwise the food was really nothing to shout about. We had shrimp a couple times that was good otherwise there was lots of overcooked fish in bad sauces. BUT, the rum (especially Barcelo and Brugal) was delicious and a cold Presidente beer is something special.

We started our days with short beautiful hikes near the hotel to get the blood going. We then would cruise to one of the local beaches (Playa Grande was our favorite) to pick out a quiet spot under a palm tree and read. Most of the beaches were really only good for wading as the surf is rough but there were a couple places to truly swim. That was great and very relaxing.

We played golf one day at the Playa Grande course. It was long but not particularly hard. Apparently it is never busy. We walked right on and had a very fast round. The rentals were terrible and our caddie was not friendly at all but the course was on cliffs overlooking the amazing ocean and it was a very pleasant way to spend an afternoon.

One thing we did check out that did not live up to expectations was Lake Dudu. That place f*cked up our whole day on Sunday. It looks nice and is a natural spectacle but is also loaded w/ unruly teenage Dominicans making a scene and acting out. It is like the town pool. The yogurt place nearby on rt. 5 is good though.

Overall it was a great trip and my special lady made excellent plans as usual. If you go, get Spanish lessons and check out the beach. 1 4/5 thumbs saying bueno!

Jay About... About to go on vacation!

I hope. Weather report for tomorrow a little iffy, but we have our fingers crossed. Couple little tidbits before I leave... We had a huge and unexpected storm Sunday, it dropped 2' in Burlington and essentially closed down the city. We had a drift in the driveway about 3' high and did not see our plow guy until 10PM Monday night. Thanks for being so prompt chief! It was nice to work at home though. I had a nice breakfast and lunch w/ my special lady and still got stuff done. The house was f*ing cold though. I am tired of winter right now. Real tired of it.

Solid party for our buddy DW Friday night. Good turn out, lots of fun. I apparently gave a warbling, barely coherent speech that I was immediately disgusted with. Happens sometimes. Fortunately those times are pretty few and far between these days. 2 thumbs way down.

We took some time Saturday to plow through season 2 of Dexter. It is really good. Watched a couple episodes of Californication the other night. Not as good. Lots of hot naked women so that is something. I need to stop using that damn Apple TV, I am addicted to Showtime shows!

Not much else, I am just trying to wrap up and get the f*** out of here! Wish me luck!

End of an Era.

In our business there is turnover. That is just the way it is. At our particular company there was a long period of stability, for many of us we had gotten quite used to working as a very close knit team that had developed a healthy level of trust, respect, and friendship. Well, these things do not last forever and this week we have seen the end of an era. Deez Nuts had been an important part of our group for 12 years, as a trader, PM, and general clown prince. For me he was a mentor as well as someone to f*ck around w/ all of the unsuspecting nerds on the floor, T-pain I am talking to you! Haha. Anyway, on to bigger and better things. Raise a glass of bourbon and a hearty high ho!!! Pickle sniffing turd burglar.

BTW... Oenosteve is rocking a pink striped shirt today. If you guessed that give yourself a high five!

Serenity Now!

Man, sometimes work is a royal pain in my ass. Dealing w/ minutia and some of the random shit is so annoying, but unfortunately necessary. So I am trying to finish up my day and mellow out before I go 4-Loko on some unsuspecting sucker.

So here is a quick something to chew on. I was not welcome at home last night as my special lady was hosting a couple friends for a cooking party. Ok, fair enough. So I had a couple beers and talked shop w/ a buddy then thought about what to do. Drink more beer at a bar? That sounded decidedly dangerous. Go get some chow? Eating out is a bit fattening and would not kill enough time (plus more beer would enter into the equation). I will let you in on a little secret... I am as fat as I have been in a long time. I had trimmed down then a perfect storm of too many Bud Heavies, too much cheese and cookies and everything else, plus a lapse in my exercise routine... got me looking like I was trying to smuggle a basketball out of the office. So more melted cheese and fries sounded less than ideal. Hey, I know, how about going to a movie my wife may or may not care about? Jackpot!! So I hit up Hall Pass in SoBu. There were 7 other people in the theater. Maybe 12 others in the whole "cineplex". Needless to say I had my pick of choice seating. After 22 uninspiring previews we were off. I like Farrelly movies, usually alot. This was not one of those times. It was kind of funny and there was one scene that was really great. Mostly there were just a few chuckles from myself and the other 7 patrons. Plus Jenna Fischer had a really weird tan makeup job. It was really fake looking. Overall you may like it and it is probably worth renting for $5 but don't waste the money at the theater. If someone tells you it is better than The Hangover (NYTimes), please punch them in the face for me. And for the Wolfpack. 1 thumb kind of sideways.