You Know What? F*** You Maglianero Coffee

I have not watched that show Girls on HBO in a couple years. I happened to flip onto an episode last night and there was a little bit on a hipster coffee spot in the city. It was pretty funny and by now a pretty tired joke on the cliche of coffee baristas as the biggest D-bags in the service industry. Like many stereotypes... this one is largely accurate. In an amusing twist of fate I happened into our local hipster coffee spot Maglianero. It s a warmish day and I was into a walk. I found a random punch card in my desk and stuffed it in my pocket (why not, I like the potential for free shit). So I roll in and peruse the scene. A bunch of folks in intentionally over priced shabby clothing sitting on a Mac Air designing some website nobody will ever look at (just like this one!). I was called up to the counter and ordered my coffee to go, slapping down my punch card and a fiver. The woman at the counter said, "Oooh, I am not sure we even have that stamp anymore?". Then the smug creeped up from behind the drip machine to hit me over the head w/ a steel chair of douchebaggery! "Yeah, have you been around in the past 5 years? We haven't had that card forever. Are you from out of town?". WTF? I was in shock. I pride myself in usually reacting to these situation w/ a terrible response most likely punctuated w/ a very personal and derogatory response and/or a loud F-bomb. But the woman who was waiting on me was so nice. There was also a nice woman behind me patiently waiting for her order. I also was unsure if I would catch the wrath of the 2 "artists" not working at the coffee counter who looked at me w/ obvious disdain. Now to be fair, I am local, I work down the street. The coffee shop has also only been open for 3 years so I am not sure where they accepted these special cards prior to that. 3, I was not dressed in a particularly aggressive manner (backward ball cap, guess khakis, boat shoes no socks, Metallica T) and was using my please and thank yous so I am not sure where the attitude was coming from. Whatever, I composed myself and shook it off.

My server was still very nice and asked if I wanted a new card or to put my phone number in the system (which she said was much more complicated than the punch card). She then asked I-willed Jerry if my 4 existing stamps could be transferred. To which he replied, "Sure, do you think you will be back to Burlington in the next year or so?" I am actually furious typing that sentence so you can imagine how mad I was at point of sale. This tall goofy f***stick w/ his manicured boyband beard, shitty $600 sweater his mom bought him, was here trying to pretend he was not as obviously bald as he is and sniping at me for no reason other than I had an older punch card? F*** Him!!! I was about to explode. My random insult generator was scrolling, my command of all the curses in the the English language was on point... I was ready!!!! But then I looked at the sweet person just trying to sell a coffee in front of me and I said, "I, try to get here when I can." At which point I gave her my info for the system, and took my coffee.

Why is it that there is always some A-hole at these "up market" coffee shops who thinks $8/hour and a knowledge of beans gives them license to just troll the very people they depend on to pay for their f*ing 1 gear bicycle? Well, that guy got me again. The coffee is not really even that good. Joke is on them, I won't be back for who knows, maybe a year. And I certainly will forget to enter my card info. Now if you will excuse me, I need to go meditate.

Why Cam Newton Sucks

****Warning, this is a sports related post!!****

I really dislike Cam Newton as a football player. To be fair, I don't know him personally so all I can base this vitriol on is what I see on TV. That said, I have disliked this guy since he was primping for the cameras at Auburn. This has nothing to do with him being African American. It is because he is an asshole. Hey, Ben Rothsjkhskjhfkjdkjsfburger is white and I think he is a dick too, and a rapist. The problem with Cam is it is always about Cam. His first statement before ever stepping onto the pro filed was how he wanted to be an icon. He wears goofy outfits, and has his whole superman thing. He does his dumb dances and mugs for the cameras. It is all about fun for Cam. That is great, you should have fun, it is a fun job. But dancing after every single play you make makes you look like a clown. I am sure Brady and Manning are having fun. I bet Montana had a ton of fun, so did Staubach and Starr. Let's get race out of the way, Warren Moon was a great QB and he never dabbed after his million touchdowns. They took it back to the huddle and got ready for the next series. Every now again one of these guys had a truly pivitol moment and then they really let their emotions show, but since you only got a few of these outbursts they meant that much more because you knew how fired up the guy really was. Cam might as well be playing wide receiver because he acts more like one of those dough heads. Guys like Terrell Owens are a good comp.

So yeah, he acts like a total asshole but the talent more than makes up for it right? Not really. He had a pretty good season but that Panthers played a historically bad schedule. Green Bay was the only team that had a winning record at the time they played during the regular season. Every other team was below .500 at the time of the game (The Seahawks and Redskins managed to get in the black later in the season). In the playoffs the win over the Seahawks was ok but a middle school team could have beaten the Cardinals. With no pressure on him at all Carson Palmer was throwing the ball up for grabs all over the place. So Cam was able to ride his awesome defense to some pretty optimal opportunities on offense. Still, it was a pretty good season against pretty bad competition.

So this guy says people don't like him due to his race and because they are scared of his incomparable skill set. Well, it is actually very comparable. There was a guy named Randall Cuningham that everyone forgets about. He was a dynamic athlete w/ a big arm who didn't always run but certainly could and did when it made sense. I will exclude 1991 because Randall was hurt and only played 1 game, but once Cunningham took the starting role in his third season this is a comparison of both guys first 5 seasons as starters...

	pass yards/game	attempts/g	TD/game	int/game	rush yds/game	rTD/g	Rate+
Newton ('11-'15)	234	31	1.5	0.82	41.1	0.55	102
Cunningham ('87-'92)	216	31	1.6	0.89	43.2	0.31	110

Hey, that looks pretty similar? I suppose you could compare the stats to another mobile QB like Steve Young but then Young was so much better (and had better weapons) it is not really a fair fight. As I recall though, people really liked Cunningham until the fact he did not perform well in the post season overwhelmed the things he did in the regular season. Point being, Cam is not so special, he is another in a long line of mobile QB's that looks pretty good for a few years and then move to the has been file. Go ahead and write it down, this guy will be doing the Michael Vick backup gig in 4 years. 

So, Cam, you better hope Carolina continues to load up talent around you particularly on the O-line and defense so you can push your 15 minutes of fame to 20. I can't believe I will be rooting for Peyton HGH Manning this weekend. Shit.

Jay About Bistro de Margot (and Wilco)

It was a big double date this past Tuesday w/ my special lady and LB squared. Tuesday is a tough night but we were committed! First stop was the newish Bistro de Margot. This used to be L'Amante and had become such a go to spot for a decent date or work dinner the new French iteration had some wood to chop. We were a little worried when we popped in as the place was pretty empty at 6:30pm. As the evening wore on they did fill up but unlike L'Amante it was an older crowd who gravitated to the dining room as opposed to the bar. The space was nice but we agreed they could stand to turn the lights down just a bit. The service was solid w/ the added touch of a table visit from the chef which always goes a long way. We were started w/ an Amuse Bouche of cold shrimp in a sauce of lobster, Pernod, and brandy. It was ok, not great. Sauce sounded good but was a little thin and the shrimp seemed a little old. The bread was plain old O Bread and was also nothing special. As we got into the meal things picked up. My Carrot ginger soup was silky and carried nice fresh garden flavor. My main course of seared duck breast was also delicious. The duck was medium rare indeed but the flavor was nice and the bird was quite tender. The reduction was also very flavorful and the side veggies were perfectly cooked. My lady had the sea trout which was also well cooked and very fresh and flavorful. The meal was good. It is definitely a bigger experience as there seemed to be apps or big plates w/ very few light dinner options. So it is a very nice date or somebody else is paying work dinner, maybe take your folks if they are in town kind of place. I did have a solid cocktail and the wine list was nothing special but the bottle we had was taken down in short order. 1.5 thumbs up.

After dinner we made a quick stop into Vin next door. They had a wine tasting class finishing up otherwise there was only 1 other patron while we were there. Not much else to say as we ordered straight forward stuff. Well stocked bar, with a nice wine list and not enough beers. It is a nice space but an off the run location which will be tough to maintain...

The concert was our last stop. LB sent me a review from a die hard fan and it was amusing. It should be noted that the concert was at the Flynn Theater. I enjoy seeing shows there but it is certainly more conducive to seeing a jazz or small acoustic set versus say a large arena rock show. You have a seat and while the nearly 100% white preppy middle aged crowd stood... there was not much dancing and it is not really encouraged by the staff. Beer is also cut off early and not allowed in the concert hall itself. That said, after a meandering tune up w/ the new album Star Wars the band got into its back catalog and really turned it up w/ such faves as Handshake Drugs, Heavy Metal Drummer, and I'm the Man Who Loves You. They did a far out encore of Spiders then went acoustic for a fun long second encore where the band was very tight and hit some high notes. The review we read said the energy seemed lacking and Tweedy may have been a bit irritated or something but other than maybe not being psyched about playing a couple heavily (on the web) requested slow songs I took his attitude to be more bemused than anything. I have seen these guys a few times and always enjoy the experience. This was no different. Fun time.  http://wilcoworld.net/#!/

Overall 2 thumbs up (added points for getting out mid week)!

Hello Old Friend

My kids are not worldly. To be fair they are only 3 and taking them places is a gamble in the best of times due to their unbridled energy. They loved Archie's when it was in the old location (now a Dunkin Donuts) in Shelburne. When it closed they couldn't understand the whole situation and felt really bad that Archie was sick. When the sign came up that Archie's would reopen in a new location just across the street they were pumped! To be fair my lady and I were enthused as well. Archie's had been a family friendly place that served delicious burgers at a reasonable price and without pretension. So how is the new spot? Well, Archie himself is just consulting in order to get a couple newbies up and running in the spirit of the original. We popped over last week after school at like 5pm on a Wednesday. Totally packed with a line to the door. Uh, no thank you. I was tooling around yesterday (MLK Day) around noon and looking for a place to take my kids solo where people might not mind how poorly they were behaving. Seriously, it was ugly for a bit in the morning. Hey, how about new Archie's? It was open and looked not as busy. We cruised in and it was perfect. There were a few families and some guys taking a break from work. We got in ordered and got a booth out of the way. The scene is similar and the space is really not much bigger than the old one, although the kitchen looks larger and that seems to be reflected in a more expansive menu. So how was the food? OK. The burger was a little smaller and a tad overcooked. The fries were crispy and good and the chips actually were fresher than they had been at the end of old Archie's run. There are a couple more local beers on tap which is nice. Prices were still reasonable. Overall it was a good experience and I am pretty happy to have them back. Can the new iteration reach the old one's lofty peak? Not sure but it remains one of the most reliable family joints in Shelburne so that holds some value.

BTW, we got done music class Sunday at 5pm and headed for some chow at Pho Hong in the North End of Burlington. pretty busy (at 5pm?!) and closing. Winter hours, they close at 5?! Who the f*** stays open all afternoon then closes just before dinner? Ok, f* it! We went over to Bluebird BBQ. Great place for kids. 1 hour wait. WTF?!?!?! At 5PM on a Sunday? The parking lot was only half full? Next stop, Tiny Thai. Line out the door. Shit, this was getty serious and the kids were getting impatient. Finally, Misery Loves Company. Boom! They had 3 kids of chicken which were all delicious, the fried chicken w/ honey butter was sick. $5 Heady Toppers and a DJ spinning at a reasonable volume? It was great. MLC does it again!

Oh yeah, GO PATS!!!

1... BILLION DOLLARS!!!!!

Muahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!

Marry New Year!!

Beef Jerky Time!  Well, this is some kind of f*d up way to start a year, huh? Stock market in the shitter, China's economy even worse, North Korea claiming to be testing an H-Bomb, Iran and Saudi Arabia battling, and that is on top of all the crazy stuff we already had going on?!

On the bright side, I have been cleaning up vomit for the last 24 hours, including a projectile that got all over me and the couch. It is really hard to clean puke. It gets everywhere and smells really bad. It is so gross in fact that when I got poop on my hand while trying to help my other kid wipe her tush it really seemed like no big deal?! My little girl weighs about 29 pounds and seriously her poops are bigger than mine. I am sure I have mentioned that before but it still blows my mine. She is also a champ getting potty trained at the moment. My son gives 0 F***s. Maybe even less than 0. If you could find someone more enthusiastic about the world I will give you $10 though. Poop, pee, and puke... the three P's that are currently ruling my tiny world.

Speaking of giant steamy turds, Donald Trump is visiting Burlington, VT tonight. The event starts at 7PM but the first person in line showed up at 4:30AM and when we cruised by around 2PM there was a line around the block. The Flynn Theater seats 1400 people, there have been 20,00 tickets released and we heard a guy in the line say he just logged on and tix were still outstanding. Nothing could go wrong there right? I spoke to a relatively intelligent guy I know (full disclosure, he is from the South), and he said Trump is tapping into the National conscience, he is saying what everyone is really thinking but afraid to say. That is a terrifying thought. I certainly am a believer that we are too politically correct and people are afraid to have difficult conversations on current topics but keeping all Muslims out of the country or building a wall between us and Mexico, and some of the other nonsense? Crazy talk. Of course the real comedy is that if it comes down to Trump and say Bernie Sanders it is not a slam dunk either way. How have we gotten here? Every election I say, this is the worst it has ever been. 2 GW Bush wins? He was a train wreck. Obama had hope but not much else and while he has gotten some good things done it has been a shaky presidential run. But who did he run against? Mitt Romney? That guy sucked but looks like a white knight compared to this current shit bag of crazy. Cruz and Rubio don't believe in science. Jeb Bush hands out baby turtles to remind people how he turtled once the race began. Chris Christie is fat. Fiornia can't run a food truck. Ben Carson is like Dr Nick on the Simpsons. Hillary can't stop lying and playing into the crazy lady narrative. Bernie doesn't buy into Capitalism... which only happens to be one of the central cornerstones upon which we built this country. And then you have the Donald. A huge blustery horse's ass. I suppose when you live in a place where some talentless f*sticks like the Kardasians dominate every news outlet in the country on a daily basis this is what you should expect?

1 quick review. The Little Garden Market in Charlotte gets fresh oysters for Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve. I always think about it and this year ordered some. The owner is a super friendly guy. He shucked 'em, wrapped them for transport and gave me some house made Mignonette sauce. The oysters were delicious, fresh, a little briny but not too stank. It was a nice little treat. If you like oysters and live in the area maybe give your holiday a little boost next year.

OK, one more... I liked the new Star Wars movie. I liked the pace, I liked the story, it was a fun movie. Is it as good as Empire? No, nothing is or probably ever will be so if you set your bar at a reasonable level it is a pleasant way to spend a couple hours.

Ok, time to go see what weird body excretion awaits me at home!

Jay About Stowe

Hey, what do you know... we ditched the kids w/ my folks and made a run for it! Well, we actually cruised down to Stowe for an evening of revelry to celebrate the big 40 for our pal LB. So where to start? First off, it was about 35 degrees and snow/sleeting as we drove south. WTF?! It is mid October? I need to move south. Then I remember we may soon be in the clutches of our new president Bernie/Trump and I remember that my next move may be north... like to Canada. Anywho, we stopped in Richmond for a bite to eat. Wanting to go light we stopped at Sweet Simone's in Richmond. That place is pretty solid. We grabbed a slice of cold flatbread and a huge bowl of autumn soup followed by a lemon meringue cupcake. The soup was hot and had a nice squash flavor w/ toasted pumpkin seeds which added nice texture. The flatbread had goat cheese and sundried tomatoes if I correctly recalled and was pretty good. The piece de resistance was the cupcake. The cake was almost like a corn muffin but moist and sweet w/ a lemon custard inside and covered by a meringue that was slightly caramelized and while not bracingly sweet it was delicious. We have tended to find the sweets are the way to go (coffee is nice too), they are all fantastic. The savory stuff is ok but you can go elsewhere for that. It was now solidly snowing.

Further south we checked into the Mountain Road Resort. Driving up it looks like a motor lodge (but the location is decent right next to the Harvest Market. The main lobby was a welcome surprise... bright, modern with clean lines and well thought out, modern furniture and fixtures. They offered a friendly greeting along w/ cookies and coffee or tea. Our room was spacious and also redone in a contemporary style. It was really more than adequate. As for unexpected amenities, they have a large indoor pool w/ sauna, lounge, and not working hot tub. It was a great area to chill out. 2 fellow guests were doing just that... and shot us terribly go the f*** away glares when we stopped in to also chill. Well, screw them. We hit the outdoor hot tub and relaxed. 1 3/8 thumbs up mostly quality for the price.

After we were appropriately loosened up we headed for dinner at Doc Ponds. This place is the casual stepchild of the Hen of the Wood mini empire and I think they nailed it. We ate everything so I won't take too much time here but the food is unpretentious, well priced, and delicious. $7 burger that is well sized, well cooked, and has a spot on bun? Yes please. The blue balls dish? Yeah, I think I will have fried blue cheese and rice balls thank you very much. The carrot side is also a got to have item if you are wondering. The very lightly breaded, super tender, and perfectly seasoned calamari also tore it up. As I said we sampled just about everything and there was nothing I would not happily eat again. The beer and booze menu was fantastic (although cocktails need to be turned over for colder climate) and the service was very friendly, even w/ a raucous crowd. We were also treated to a Masshole serenade of a new song "LB you are a horse's ass!". Over and over and over. It was loud, it was relaxed, it was a great pubbby scene, 1 7/8th thumbs up. It felt like the old Alchemist w/ a little more room to have a drink.

We finished up w/ a drink at The Bench. Nice space but they were already wrapping up when we rolled in at 10:30 (it was Saturday?). There were 2 angry bartenders who both looked like movie villains. After several IPAs I was prepared for my Die Hard moment but it was not needed, probably for the best. Nice beer menu in any event, even if the bartender did not know the beers on it. 1 thumb up pending further revue.

We did a little totally unnecessary post game work and then hit the hay. Next morning there was a coating of snow on the car. Shit. We stopped for more treats at Sweet Simone's. The peanut butter cookie was great, so was the coconut cream tart.

2 thumbs up on the weekend as a whole, it was fun.