Got a little wiggle room?

Some people ask me, Jaybird, what the heck do you do all day? Well, for the most part I am analyzing bonds and trying to build low risk portfolios for my clients. Of course, to buy and sell the securities I need to build my portion of a portfolio I need to talk to badgers! Thanks for the link JB.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGJdNPiWZzQ

On the bright side we have a new secret weapon for interviewing potential new hires. We call him the "closer"!

http://www.stupidvideos.com/video/animals/Interviewing_A_Ibex/#306366

Behind the Music... Keyboard Cat

Digadigadigadigadiga bum bum bum digadigadigadigadiga

He was the darling of Youtube. Anything that went down Keyboard Cat, took them out with his charm and skills on the keys. He loved the litter, the ladies, and... the drugs. Keyboards Cat came from nothing to take the internet by storm... then lost it all. This is Keyboard Cat, Behind the Music!!

Digadigadigadigadiga badana digadigadigadiga

Keyboard Cat was born Mr. Snuggles, into a litter of 9 kittens in rural Oklahoma. He loved to run, scratch the furniture, play with string... and jam on the keyboard! From an early age Keyboard Cat knew he was destined for bigger things. As a 3 year old he left the family farm and headed west for the bright lights of L.A.. Things were not easy for Keyboard, he struggled early as an alley cat, eating scraps from the garbage, yowling at night, and having dangerous unprotected sex w/ other strays.

KC: "I was out of control, I probably had 56 kittens from 20 different cats. I was drinking dirty water, and letting any stranger who walked by pet me and scratch my chin. But I never forgot the music."

One day, luck found Keyboard with a chance encounter. One morning he was drunk on spoiled milk, singing and playing keyboard outside a fancy house in the Hills. That house belonged to Quincy Jones. Jones recognized the talent and quickly got keyboard hooked up with an up and coming outfit... Jingle Cats! Keyboard Cat was a hit with the new group and they quickly shot to internet fame.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iClHpepBY1I

KC: "It was the best time of my life. We had fun, fame, attention from the hottest bitches. We had it all. We toured the world and it was always electric. We rocked Silent Night all night baby!"

Tensions in the band grew. Keyboard Cat clashed with fellow music arranger Mr. Bojangles and they eventually came to an impasse. Keyboard Cat knew he had more to offer than old tired Christmas covers. Next stop... solo fame! His first big internet hit was the solo effort covering an old Russian tune Trololo. Charm, moves, and a deep baritone made it a hit!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIR3XFuY4Qs

That was just the beginning! Back with Quincy Jones, Keyboard Cat was ready for his closeup. Back behind the keyboard and ready with a new single, Keyboard was back on top. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J---aiyznGQ

Next up was an assault on the internet... and more hits!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7rlYuLjcFE

But the good times didn't last. Keyboard Cat was depressed by the dipshits on the internet that he had to play off and slipped into sour milk and pounds of catnip.

KC: "I went from Keyboard Cat to Kilo Cat. The nip, the bitches, all of it. I couldn't stop."

The hits dried up and a fickle crowd moved on to Chocolate Rain, Annoying Orange, and other internet sensations. The fame, the cats, the money... they were all gone. Keyboard Cat woke up one morning a 5 year old has been, broke and homeless, crying in back alleys, begging for treats. But then, redemption! Again, an unlikely friend found an old video and luck looked to be back on Keyboard Cat's side. Mr. Bojangles from the Jingle Cats found an old tape of one of their early recording sessions and put it into internet rotation.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hPxGmTGarM

Keyboard Cat was back and starting to rehabilitate his image. Unfortunately, the luck ran out. One night Keyboard slipped up and forgetting his new found sobriety he decided to celebrate his new hit. Keyboard Cat was found the next morning, dead, bloated, and surrounded by catnip... the dream was over. But the music remains.

Digadigadigadigadiga...

I feel like I should post something...

... but I am uninspired. I am more or less anoyed by the news, many of my coworkers, my cat. It has been quiet and hot which makes old J-bird cranky. I could talk about brewfest but it wasn't one of the better ones I have been to. We ate at Bluebird Tavern the other night and that was good but I have already written about that place a bunch. I suppose I could talk about what I have been watching lately but True Blood is trashy to the point it is like reviewing an US magazine and Top Chef is not super exciting. Sure, the whole Mel Gibson thing is great. That guy is a snarling, drooling, abusive maniac. He has totally lost his shit. But you know what? He may not only get off with no real damages but his very well compensated legal team will most likely sue his wife for extortion... and win! So what is there to do?

Let's dance!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCadcBR95oU

Jay About Montana... Revenge of the Spa!!!

Sorry, this has been the most protracted 3 part vacation recap ever. I have been kind of busy. Seriously, I swear!!! Anywho, my special lady and I finally wrapped up in Wyoming and headed North to Big Sky Montana. We first had to come to the realization that even though Gardiner MT to Big Sky is really fast as the crow flies... we are not crows and you have to take a huge detour to get there. No problem, time was an ally!! In Gardiner itself we exited Yellowstone park and looked for a place to eat. Gardiner looks like a town that you run out of gas in and then become a character in a horror movie, and not the one spearing hapless teens. We looked around and were not hopeful, but then we came across the Sawtooth Deli. Excellent pub food, a screened in deck, solid Grateful Dead tunes, and very friendly and competent service. Given the rest of the options, 2 thumbs up! OK, moving on. We decided to drive up and through Bozeman. Now, granted it was the 4th of July but Montana is crazy outlaw. You can get fireworks anywhere along the road, a mortgage in grocery stores, and you can gamble and/or buy discount cigarettes in gas stations. Plus the speed limit is 75mph, 65 through towns. Do you know how fast you can get places with an extra 10-20mph?! It was awesome!!

Bozeman was cool, its clean and bustling downtown belied the town's small population. There were tons of cool looking shops, restaurants, record stores, etc... We just wandered around and did a little browsing. Then it was on to Big Sky. The country running into the mountain is beautiful, lush woods, running creeks and rivers, blue sky. All at 85mph!!! Once we got into the town at the base of the mountain it was a quick stop into Lone Peak Brewery. Friendly clientele, solid beers, no nonsense bartender. I almost traded my Red Sox hat to a cook, he didn't have anything good to trade back though. We then shot up to Moonlight Basin Lodge.

We had a cool little house up in the mountains. The area is overdeveloped but folks we met said it was never crowded and as chill as the weekend we spent there. Our cabin had a deck w/ a hot tub overlooking the valley and was very clean and comfortable. For chow we ate dinner twice at the Lodge itself. The bartender was super friendly though I would suggest sticking to beer, for an older guy he didn't know shit about mixing a cocktail. The food both nights was really quite good. We ate at the bar one night and the dining room the next. A few of the hits were the trout which was good and the tamale appetizer which was off the hook. The gnocchi and the fillet were also quite good. We really enjoyed the setting and the food. 1 3/4 thumbs up. The last thing I have is breakfast on Saturday (oh yeah it was snowing that morning... seriously). The Bluebird Cafe. Good, very strong coffee and some really nice hearty but not too heavy breakfast fare. Service was ok, as were the prices. Solid place to grab a quick bite in town. 1 1/2 thumbs up.

And that is that!!!

Happy Bastille Day!!!

Feel free to Rock Out w/ your cock out!!!


http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/c82aed0b5f/enter-sandman-faceplant

Jay About Wyoming II... Attack of the Bears!

OK, so I think last we spoke I was dealing w/ the crazy drunk snorer no? Well the next day we went big and decided to do a 9 mile hike gaining a couple thousand feet of altitude in the Tetons. Well, let me just say we were walking in knee high snow the last couple hundred yards. We did come across a very beautiful glacial pool at the peak however. The hike was tough but we had a great wind down. That night we stayed at the Jackson Lodge. Now the Jackson was not as big a favorite w/ the guide books as some of the other dumps we ran across and I am giving thumbs down all around for this grievous oversight. Our room was a little off the run but it was clean and spacious. We rolled up to the bar and had some really solid huckleberry mojitos while sitting on the deck and looking out over the Jackson Lake and onto the Teton vista. We then had dinner in the dining room and it was one of the finer meals we had. Well portioned, well cooked, excellent service (My wife thought I was going to ditch her to go drink beers w/ our waiter), reasonable price, another excellent view. 1 3/4 thumbs up. Really a solid establishment, except the pool... that was gross and filled w/ too many screaming kids.

The next day we packed up and headed north to Yellowstone. First off the change in scenery was striking. We went from lush forest and jagged mountains to fire ravaged wasteland. It was a little sad. On the plus side the wildlife was abundant. We saw a grizzly bear from pretty close distance right away and later saw one from afar chowing on a bison. We saw several elk herds and bison all over the place. It was pretty cool and all very close. The other cool thing was the thermal geology. It is not just Old Faithful... there are geo-thermal pools all over the park. Everywhere you went there were steaming, bubbling, oozing, noxious pools of all sorts of colors. It was like being on another planet but very very cool. We liked the pools and geysers around Old Faithful but the ones at Norris were also cool and a little less crowded.

Yellowstone also provided the one lowlight of the trip, and it was a doozy! We were camping a little north of Old Faithful and decided to check out the Old Faithful Lodge which was supposedly one of the oldest and grandest n the country. Well, the building was spectacular, a huge log lodge that was impressive to say the least. We had an 8:30 reservation so we grabbed a drink got a great seat on the deck and waited for Old Faithful to blow up (also @8:30). Well, the geyser was running late so we gave up our prime deck seat and went to check on the res. @8:35. Once we waded through the crowd of people complaining about the long wait we were given a cheap buzzer you get at Applebee's and told we would have a short wait. F***, strike one. Ok, no problem, we got another beer to share and found seats in the lodge overlooking the lobby. Not too shabby. Well, 40 minutes went by, our beer was empty and I had to go and check to see if we were actually going to be seated. Much to my surprise they claimed our table had been called but the buzzers did not work in much of the lodge and we did not hear the verbal call as we were not standing in front on the desk yelling at the host like the other 50 people waiting for tables. Strike 2. In any event we were led into the 1/2 full dining room. Why ANYONE was waiting was beyond me. They could have sat the whole state of Wyoming in there. Strike 3. Usually an out but we were playing w/ winter rules. So we sit down and wait for awhile for a drink order and to order food which is only a pain because we had waited so long to sit down. The drinks and salad came right out... now we were getting somewhere. My iceberg wedge was even delicious. But wait... the entrees... we waited, and waited, and waited. We are now nearly 2 hours removed from our reservation in a half empty room and have not gotten our entrees. I mention to the overwhelmed waitress that we expect our 2nd round of beers (which she never came to get in the 45minutes we were waiting to eat) to be on the house and would like our entrees. She said she would have the manager come out. Nope, but the food did... and it sucked ass. My was just not good. A not great bison burger and limp fries. My special lady? Hers was a ravioli dish, and it was cold. Apparently an hour does not provide enough time to cook ravioli. Who knew? Well, the moral of the story is that the meal was comped which is something. Of course a shitty free meal is not even an upgrade from Burger King in my opinion. 2 HUGE thumbs down... and one middle finger up. Also a big F-you to Frommer for suggesting it and giving such high marks.

Couldn't get any worse right? Wrong! We get back to the campsite around 11:30 or so and find cops all over the place. WTF?!?! Well, apparently a 7 year old kid had gone missing. Shit. You can't exactly ignore that right? So we grab our flashlights and head out to look for the kid for the next hour. At that point we figured the worst and started to dread the inevitable 24 hour search we had in store for us, and feel pretty bad for the family. Stupid kid was found hanging out w/ friends in a nearby camp. Apparently did not notice the flashing lights or 50 people yelling her name over a couple hours. I am glad she is safe but kind of want to take her favorite toy and throw it in a river.

The next day we woke up and saw some more cool stuff like the grand canyon of Yellowstone. I complained to my lady that after 20 some odd miles of hiking I was not going anywhere a 300 pound man could not get too!!! She was not amused.

Next up... lovely Montana and the conclusion to our amazing journey!!!

Jay About Iron Maiden!!!!

Sorry for straying off the path of the vacation recap trail but shoot... this is too important to skip!! Last night my buddy K-Dog and I rolled to Montreal to catch a little piece of power metal known as Iron Maiden! This was my first Maiden show and it really was something. First off, big props to Mrs. K-Dog who put the whole thing together for us. First step, we drove north in the blaring heat to Canada. Easy border passage, even w/ my portable rocket launcher and our trunk full of Peruvian midgets. The ride was aided by AC and XM radio... the Boneyard of course.

Check in at the Sheraton right down the street from the Bell Center... check! Then we ran into our first speed bump. We asked the Frenchie concierge where to go for a decent burger... he sent us to a fancy pants French brassiere with $32 burgers topped w/ lobster and foie gras. OK, I will eat oysters in my concert going Budweiser t-shirt, I am not afraid. Well after we went through a few language issues the waiter brought us 12 oysters instead of 6. Of course we needed them to ease the pain of the full beer that clown dumped in my lap (for being American I am certain). Food was good but slow, expensive and shouldn't we at least get 1 free round of beers for my wet shorts? No dice.

The concert itself was great. The band has a ton of energy, plays well, and has a super theatrical stage set. Plus the crowd was as you might imagine. Lots of uber nerds in black Iron Maiden shirts with a sprinkling of trashy rocker chicks. Good times. We doubled down on brew dogs and then headed for our seats at the absolute top row of the stadium. Still, we headbanged, and fist pumped and rocked out for 2 hours. Afterwards? Uh, let's just say I am somewhat aware of my theshold in regards to Labatt's consumption.

2 thumbs rocking towards the sky!!!

Jay About Wyoming... Part I the Drunken Menace

So the special lady and I are back in old VT after a non exactly restful but very solid vacation in the Tetons, Yellowstone, and finally Big Sky, Montana. Of course it is 94 degrees and 150% humidity causing me to sweat standing still, but I digress...

Anyway, our odyssey began w/ a super special flight into Jackson, WY which seems to be almost impossible to get to. We sat for awhile on the tarmac at Burlington fretting about our connection in Chicago or the next one in Denver... both of which were being hit w/ heavy thunderstorms. We made it to Chicago 2 hours late only to find that our flight to Denver was one of the few to leave on time... 20 minutes earlier! Next step, get in the 700 yard line with all of the other people stranded in Chicago. We waited forever but then actually found that United did us a solid and gave us a direct from Chicago to Jackson?! Lucky! Anyway, we made it into Jackson in the evening and checked into a so so joint downtown, The Lexington. It was clean so that was good, and right downtown. 2 thumbs sideways. Jackson was pretty cool, we actually had 2 solid meals. The 3 Piglets provided a surprisingly fresh and very delicious Mexican meal. They had an excellent assortment of tequilas and a generally friendly service staff. My pork tacos were really quite good. The other winner was the Bunnery where we had a hearty no frills breakfast that was folksy, inexpensive, and a ton of food. What we quickly came to realize is that you cannot get small amounts of food in the Midwest... apparently by law! The one disappointment was the Snake River Brewery. The beer was great and the food was pretty good but our salads came within 2 minutes of ordering and our entrees followed 5 minutes behind. Again, there was too much food and not nearly enough time to eat it. I had to chug my beer (not really a problem) and the fast eating pace made us a little ill. Too bad.

While in Jackson we did make a quick trip up over Wilson and into Idaho where we saw our first cool animal, a bald eagle cruising around... probably for chicks. Get it? We then shot over to Teton village for a quick hike up and around the ski mountain. It was a nice day and we got an up close and personal w/ animal #2, a huge fox only a few yards away without a care in the world. We then had a couple really good beers at the Mangy Moose in the sunshine on the deck. Pretty good day all around.

So, next step was a trip into the Grand Tetons! Seriously, beautiful country with amazing steep jagged mountains jutting up from clear lakes and lush forests. We spent our first day on a 12 mile hike that nearly killed me. Is was a nice hike to a lovely glacier but we had to walk through snow which kept getting in my shoes and did nothing for my hangover! It was hot to the point I could not stop sweating... my lady joked me pretty hard about it. We stayed @ the Signal Mountain campsite and ate at the lodge. Do yourself a favor and skip the "fancy" dining room, service and food suck.

The real gem was the camping. We had been warned about bears from all sides and besides my trusty bear spray we had resolve and steely nerves! So imagine our, should I call it fear? when we heard the growling snarling noise just outside our tent at 2AM! Louder... it was ready to attack! A bear? A wolf? A cougar? Nope... the drunk hick in the tent 20 yards away snoring like it was a job. There were 2 other people in his tent... how the f*** were they sleeping? We thought we were under attack?!

Well, part Deux to come!!!