Jay About the Rusty Nail

If you notice any typos in this post, I just got back from the gym and can barely move my arms... I did so many reps, over 1000, didn't know if you heard me counting. Anyway, one more rant, f*ing assholes who bought our building (Marley Properties), refuse to properly fix the elevators, or the AC, or the leaky roof... but they thought it was a good idea to increase the roof load by erecting a cell tower on the roof. Yeah, good idea!!! Of course the monkeys they hired for the project set off the fire alarm during the late day welding exercise. Seriously. It kind of sucked to stand in the 37 degree rain rather than being inside doing my job. Clowns.

Turkey Day was quiet, very pleasant, nice to be w/ the family. The big hits were my brother's brined turkey, my mother's off the hook chocolate cream pie (not too sweet, luscious crust, light whipped cream), and my personal favorite my wife's stuffing. I love stuffing.

Saturday night we ventured out for an uncharacteristically late concert down in Stowe, Midnite. They are a really cool reggae band. We stopped first at Pie-casso which I had never been to in Stowe. Our waiter was a little slow but very fired up! I guess 285 milligrams of speed in your extra large coffee will do that! The pizza itself was pretty good. Crust was good, ingredients were pretty fresh, sauce was pedestrian. I did not love it or hate it. 1 thumb sideways. That goofy ass shit on the wall? Yeah, 2 thumbs down. We then rocked over to the Rusty Nail for the concert. Well, the band was scheduled to come on @10PM or so w/ no opener. Uh, they started around 11:30 or so. In the meantime we were treated to warm beers and a half full venue! Alright! The bartender gave my lady a little crap for not ordering a Switchback even though it was the special. The extra 50 cents is no big deal for high rollers such as ourselves chief! It was kind of funny watching the 3 or 4 ya-yos dancing by themselves (actually kind of jumping around and spinning) while random reggae played over the loudspeaker. When the band started it was a cool concert. They have cool songs and a good vibe. There could have been more people but I sort of enjoyed the room to move around, spin, sit at the bar. The one bummer was that they left TVs playing all over the place. When asked by a couple people to turn them off the bartenders served up a special of "attitude"! Thanks again Dooshy McGee!! What everyone wants is to watch Sportscenter while listening to a $25 concert!!! 1 1/2 up for the band and the music, 1 thumb down for the late start, 1 thumb up for the venue, 2 huge thumbs down for the staff.

Halibut cheeks rule!!!

Happy Turkey Day!

Yeah, it is pretty slow here right now. Phone is not ringing, email is dead, I am bored w/ the Internet (well, the parts I can read at work anyway). So here we are. I like Thanksgiving, it is by far may favorite meal. I love stuffing and gravy, dig turkey, potatoes... the whole kit and kaboodle really. So have a safe and happy holiday and I will try to muster up a complete critique of my mother's ability to host a holiday!! Just kidding.

be afraid... be very afraid!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZenBt8Q5KNM

Left to my Own Devices!

Well, I made it through another solo weekend alive... although I did spend alot of time sleeping on the living room couch as opposed to my bed. On the upside, I made a lovely French Cabbage soup from the "Joy of Cooking" on Saturday. A real step up from the usual Mac n Cheese. It went swimmingly w/ a martini . Couple quick reviews from the weekend for your viewing pleasure.

I was still pretty freaked out from the Bruno experience and was a little shy about getting back on the pay per view saddle. Well, after soup and said martini I took a chance on the Michael Cera/Jack Black epic Year 1. You know what? It was actually funny. Not great, but pretty funny. I mean, it had alot of Michael Cera doing awkward, and Jack Black doing Jack Black things but it was a little more mellow than some of their more recent adventures. I would recommend it once it comes out on HBO. One slightly drunk premium cable thumb up.

Sunday, I was tired of being home and had some errands to run anyway so I cruised into Burlington for lunch and some football. Quick aside, why do so many types of jeans have ass pockets that hang at the back of my knees? I could hide a laptop in those things. Plus they look ridiculous. But I digress. I decided to give Bistro 156 a fair chance chow wise and it seemed like a reasonable spot to catch a game, they have 6 or 7 TVs w/ all sorts of football. Surprisingly enough I was the only one there when I walked in at 1PM. Yeah, I got pretty prime bar real estate, kind of like buying a condo in Miami these days I guess. Anyway, soon after I sat down the bar filled up and so did a couple of tables in the open bar area. The dining room stayed empty for the duration. I went the safe route and ordered a bistro burger and a Switchback. Right away I noticed that the beer was cold which was a huge plus from the last time I was there. The service was prompt (and sweaty). The burger was pretty good, it was cooked w/ Worcester sauce and Gorgonzola cheese. I don't know if it was medium as I asked but I don't mind medium well so we were good. Good roll, very solid fries. It was solid. When the two wanna be Euro-trash oil money yeah this is my new haircut freaks sat next to me and started talking to each other and their cell phones at the same time I knew it was time to leave. It was kind of funny, the one dipshit ordered a Grey Goose and cranberry but instead got a GG and grapefruit juice. Cranberry and grapefruit do not really sound anything alike but whatever. So the bartender talks to assclown into a splash of cranberry and the new concoction was on the house. So when D-Bag numero deux sits down he asks what his friend is drinking, The bartender explains what his new creation is w/out mentioning his F-up and the friend does not mention it either. So D-Bag number 2 says... "Ok, that looks good, I will have one". Yeah, expensive vodka and 2 bitter fruit juices all mixed together sounds great. It sounds like you raided your parents liquor cabinet in high school you moron! Maybe it was hush money but the bartender gave me my second beer on the house. So to be fair, my experience at Bistro 156 was not bad... 1 1/8 thumbs up.

Jay About One of the WORST Movies EVER!!!

So my special lady headed to NYC yesterday and you know what that means... Jaybird gets to eat pizza, have a few beers, and watch whatever movies I like in my underwear! Yeah I know, it is an image that may be NSFW but I like to write on the bleeding edge of appropriateness. Anyway, last night the movie du-jour was the follow up to a very funny Borat, entitled Bruno. Jeez, I have seen less wiener in porno. This was one long very unfunny gay joke. To be fair, I am no stranger to such tasteless humor but this was really never funny. The movie was forced, poorly written, and lacked the freshness of the Borat movie. What was great about that was the mostly harmless humor that pointed out how ridiculous we all are and how people in general tend to take themselves too seriously. This movie, was gross, and often times quite vicious. Plus there was too much wiener. It was like Joey Chestnut at Coney Island. I am giving it 2 thumbs down and a disapproving head shake. I watched a second movie to make the badness go away. Film Numero Deux-o? Turistas! This was a movie I went into w/ low expectations and was mildly surprised. Save for one really gross scene, the rest was a somewhat classic horror movie that captured its horror from suspense rather than gore. Plus, following the age old formula, there were several hot girls cruising around in bikinis! Jackpot!! So if you want to watch a crappy mindless movie, do yourself a favor and try out Turistas... 1/2 a thumb nearly sliced off!!!

New Profession

I have decided to become a fake werewolf! My special lady and I were flipping through channels last night and ran across what seemed like an inordinate amount of shows about vampires? One was about the "vampire culture", another was top 10 vampires in movies and TV, I am sure more than a couple random crappy vampire TV shows like True Blood or Buffy the Vampire Slayer were somewhere in the mix. The one show that really got me was the one about vampire culture. All these nerds were dressed up like vampires w/ fake hair and makeup and fangs and I got to thinking... why couldn't I jump on the fake werewolf bandwagon ahead of the rush?! I mean the new movie is coming out soon w/ Benicio del Toro, and they are gaining prominence in that stupid teen vampire movie. A TV show is soon to follow on HBO and then BAM!!!! Werewolf mania!!! I will dress up like a furry werewolf. I will start a website for people who think they are a werewolf and want to get into the lifestyle. Next thing you know, I will be on some A&E special. DON'T STEAL MY IDEA!!!!! Werewolf.

yup, winter is here

Here in lovely Burlington, VT we have had a 70 degree shift in temperature today. It was 20 degrees at 7AM and is hovering in the low 50s mid afternoon. Layers? Yeah, I guess so. How come nobody has shivved those 9/11 guys in prison yet? Sure they get the child molesters and the skin heads, and maybe even Bernie Madoff but not the guys who flew planes into buildings and killed thousands of Americans? We can't get a Lee Harvey type guy to sort that out? Seriously?! How does Derek Jeter keep winning Gold Glove awards? This year he had by all accounts his best year in the field... that's right, he moved up into the realm of "adequate". Congratulations! Who finished second, David Ortiz? He is a pretty nice guy, and I am quite sure I saw him w/ a baseball glove in the dugout one time. Is Wild Turkey ever the right thing? I vote No. Hey, want an exclusive on Sarah Palin's new book? "I am a moron like most other politicians. Further I am incredibly ungrateful for the opportunity that McCain gave me that I so obviously did not deserve! Will I try to wedge my way back into the public's conscience? Sure will, most of America is even more of a dullard than I am!!! Who wants an elk pot pie?! You betcha!!" Who gives a shit who shot Nidal Hasan? I am pissed they didn't kill that piece of crap. When can we at least stop pretending that Iran is not f*cking w/ us?? It is getting a little ridiculous. Here is another advanced preview... this one for the movie 2012, IT BLOWS!!! That should be on the poster. I got suckered into watching Private Practice Last night, yeah, that was super uplifting.

OK, so what is right w/ the world? Well, there is water on the moon... that is something. The economy seems to have gotten out of its tailspin. That is also something. Andrew Bynum is finally showing a little something on the court. That is something. Kamchatka Bears... they are always something! We got some really delicious salmon from a good friend in Alaska, that is something special. Having a fun dinner w/ friends, wine , and that salmon... also something special. So there is that.

Sesame Street is 40!

Plenty of anniversaries this week... Berlin Wall fell 25 years ago, Sesame Street is 40, it is the 1 day anniversary of by beet stained poop that freaked me out pretty bad for like 10 seconds. But back to Sesame Street, that was a great show. I learned how to say agua (but not spell it), and count in Spanish to 4. Of course, it was the great Jerry Remy who taught me how to say Good afternoon, and good evening in broken Spanish. I liked Cookie Monster and Oscar the Grouch best but Snufalumpagus was a dark horse favorite. I also liked the way it was a little dirty on Sesame Street. Very authentic, seriously... they don't teach Spanish from garbage cans on 5th Ave.

Anyway, here is a little gem. 2 actually.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21OH0wlkfbc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-Wd-Q3F8KM

Jay About Chamonix

Yes, that's right, it is the stunning finale of the French extravaganza!!! Heading out of Burgundy we took a really beautiful drive up and into the mountains South and East of Burgundy. Wonderful small towns dotted the hillsides as we cruised the winding roads. Bridges high above valleys? Check! Tunnels through the hills? Check!! Mi scusi!! Finally, we cruised into Chamonix. Now, Chamonix is not really much different than any other ski town. It is filled w/ dooshy ski/snowboard bums. Those clowns that don't really like to work and prefer to give you dirty looks even though you are sustaining their lifestyle. Even better in Chamonix? The combo douche factor incorporated by ski-bum crossed w/ French guy! It is like the nexus of the douche universe. All of the furry coats, silly boots, and farked up sunglass hat combo in 60 degree weather you can handle bro!

OK, enough of that. The countryside itself is beautiful. Huge spruce and pines line the foothills, that climb into sheer rocky cliffs and then rise even higher to snow capped peaks at Mont Blanc. Really stunning! Our lodgings were Chalets de Philippe.. http://www.chaletsphilippe.com/ and it was cool as all get out! Yeah yeah, another score for my special lady. It was like cruising into a gingerbread town on a hill. We had this amazing little chalet that was small but probably more well appointed than my house. Great shower, clean crapper, comfortable bed, flat screen TV, Hermes bath products. Of course we had a view from our deck of the valley and Mont Blanc. Oh yeah, there was a spa across the walk w/ hot tubs, steam room, sauna. Pretty cool. Oh yeah, there was also a sick screening room w/ large screen and a "prototype" HD projector not even sold in stores because it is too high end. Awesome!

we spent our couple days in the Alps rolling out the door and then doing amazing hikes w/ great views, straight up trails, a few rails and ladders... glaciers. Really amazing. Clean air. I just can't say enough how cool it was. We then cruised home and used our kitchenette to make tasty pasta dishes w/ French cheese and cream and jambon... Jamb On is right my friends!!! Did I mention they proprietor would leave fresh squeezed juice and croissants for us in a little basket at out door in the mornings? That was pretty ok too. We did go out one night in town and it was pretty crappy. The only upside were the giant beers I had. Bigger than a man's head, deeper than ocean, colder than... uh, never mind, they were just big.

So there you have it. An amazing trip start to finish.

Jay About Burgundy!

So we stop into the Hertz rental place which is located in the catacombs under the Louvre (naturally) and pick up our car. It was the smoothest pick up ever, took like 5 minutes. Of course we probably should have known something was up when the checkout lady asked if we really wanted the compact car. Well, the little Ford was slightly bigger than a bumper car, barely fit 2 people and 2 suitcases, and maxed out at about 75MPH but it was ok otherwise... So thanks to TomTom, we got ourselves our of Paris, onto the A6 South and we were off to Burgundy! It was really a pleasant drive. We ate cheese and baguette and cruised through wonderful rolling pasture land dotted w/ small villages. Once you really got out of the suburbs and into the country it was amazing. Farm land as far as the eye could see and then a small town that featured one central old stone church surrounded by 10-20 old stone farm houses. Everyone was the same and looked like a movie set. Our first stop was the town of Vezelay. It was a slightly larger (but still very small) town set up on a hill w/ a much larger Gothic church in the center. This amazing abbey was built around the beginning of the last century and housed relics of Mary Magdalene. Very cool place. Second stop was a pretty little medieval town Semur Auxois where we strolled around and then had a beer. We then rolled down to our cool B&B Les Roches. This was an old chateau type building that some fancy pants Frenchie bought for his mistress way back. Now it is a beautiful B&B run by a chill gay couple from Germany. Wonderfully refurbished, very nice grounds, great breakfast, plenty of optional activities, clean, and super spacious. 2 thumbs up... it was a great place to stay. Dinner was a local place in a nearby town of Arnay, La Couronne? Very old school French and really pretty solid food. Very nice cheese plate, nice win, ok beef bourgoine... terrible service from snotty little shit teenagers. Seriously, by the end of dinner I wanted to punch the foofy kid in the face. Joke was on them though, some other guy had his dog there who knocked into the table and broke a glass on the floor. 1 thumb sideways.

Day 2 was also great. We stopped in Commarin to tour the chateau. Super sleepy town. Apparently people live in the chateau because even though you pay an entrance fee you can only walk around the house but not go too near it and certainly not in it. Weird right? Next stop was a tour of a much cooler Chateauneuf en Auxois. Really beautiful town and a very cool chateau that was very well maintained and very old. Bonus was that they still had the old school hole in the ground crapper... yeah, we took pictures of ourselves taking fake dumps! We then took a lovely stroll in the woods behind the town. The trees were all sorts of fall colors and it was like being straight in Robin Hood! Needless to say I robbed some rich looking punks and gave their money to... uh, yeah, I kept it for wine money! That night we collected several cheeses, fruit, baguette, wine, and macaroons and had a very nice picnic in our very spacious room. Solid!

Day 3 was a trip through wine country. It was amazing, just vineyards packed into the low hills and valleys surrounding the wine way on the trip to Beaune. Beaune itself is a larger town that is packed w/ stores, cafes, wine cellars, and the hospice where Louis XIV used to stay when he was outside Paris. Cool town... the highlight was certainly our tour of the Patriarche wine cave. http://www.patriarche.com/spip.php?lang=en Holy cats! You pay $20 and they give you 2 tasting cups and send you on your way. The tours starts w/ a history of the label and the family and then you descend into the caves... a vast cellar w/ millions (literally) of wine bottles of various vintages. Pretty cool seeing all of the bottles and looking for the oldest ones. But then... you roll into a series of rooms unsupervised w/ a bunch of open bottles of wine, and it is GO TIME!!! There were some really great wines highlighted by the Meursault, Puligny Montrachet, and Chassagne Montrachet white Burgundies!!! BTW, the pink champagne was an unbelievable value for a very solid wine. That was fun. Of course coming into the light after a few hours (and glasses) in the caves was slightly shocking! After a little sit down and some coffee, it was on to our last Burgundy hotel La Maison de Olivier LeFlaive. This was a really well appointed spacious room w/ an unbelievable tub! Another top selection by my special lady... 2 thumbs up. We also hit up dinner and a wine tasting from the Domaine de LeFlaive. 14 wines... just what I needed! The food was ok at best, very plain by French standards. The main chicken course was very pedestrian. The cheese course was very nice though. The wines were exceptional though... once again highlighted by various white Burgundies from the Puligny and Chassagne regions. Needless to say after another wonderful tasting I was glassy eyed and staring at tennis in French on TV. Good times. 1 3/4 thumbs up... good service, great wine, crappy coffee, ok food.

And that was that... next stop, Chamonix!!!

Jay About Paris Part Deux!

Ok, so day 2 we get a restless night's sleep and then wake up and head out. First off another delicious petite dejeuner or croissant (light and flaky), espresso (strong and well balanced), and freshly squeezed OJ (awesome). Then we started another walking tour of the city. I am not sure if it was the weekend crowd or what but there were crazy ass lines everywhere! I mean, like 1hr+ lines to get into everything. My lady and I are not fans of lines. However, Paris is such an architectural wonder, you can just wander around the city and see amazing things without ever going into anywhere. Eiffel Tower, Napoleon's tomb, The Louvre... all really cool places. The one spot we did wait for was the Rodin museum. Fricken cool. The gates of hell, the thinker, Balzac (hahahahaha... Balzac)... all the hits were there. Rodin also had an amazing personal collection of works by Van Gogh and Renoir. Really amazing.

We got lucky and were able to meet up w/ a real good college buddy of mine and his wife that night. Funny thing was, apparently it was daylight saving time day but we had no idea. Thought my friend was like 2 hours late, when really that was not the case. We did set out for a late dinner though and hit up a little place around the corner from our hotel on I think Jacob Street... maybe called Le Poullet (or maybe not). I had a very nice green salad and then an amazing rich lupine in cream sauce. Oh baby! Couple drinks later and it was another day in the books.

Day 3 was really something. We dressed up (jacket and tie for me, pretty dress for the wife), walked up to the Arc de Triumph (another ridiculous line to the top), and then on to a super fancy dinner at Traillevant.. a haute cuisine joint. Now dinner at a place like this runs well over $1k. Lunch was not cheap either! But, it was like nothing I had ever experienced before. We were in a small dining room w/ 4 other tables and about 20 people waiting on us. We started w/ cheese puffs that melted in your mouth w/ cheesy flavor to spare. 1st course was a salmon mouse w/ basil(?) sorbet. Odd texture and crazy strong salmon flavor but a cooking masterpiece. Next up, foie gras ravioli in a foam de canard. Flavor? You want flavor?! Holy cats... this dish punched you in the mouth! Very good but rich, very rich. Next, the entree... My wife had a very nice cod fish. I had wild boar in a cherry demiglace topped w/ a rich cheese sauce. Oh, man... this was sick. I crushed it! In fact, one of our servers came w/ more sauce as I was sopping every last drop w/ bread. Next, was a cheese course... blue cheese shaped like eggs that had an intense flavor and creamy texture. whoa. And then ice cream! Chocolate for the lady, vanilla for me. Finally a coffee w/ several little desserts. Of course we had a somelier the whole time pairing amazing wines that were subtle and perfectly matched to our food. This was truly an unforgettable experience though the food was so rich and flavorful it made for a challenging lunch for food novices such as ourselves. 2 huge thumbs up. Of course we had to walk it off after that. We cruised over to the Eiffel Tower and got in line. This was the one time I wanted to punch a French person. Those douchebags think nothing of cutting in line and no one tries to stop the practice! Well we did!!! No cutting the Birds surrender monkeys!!! The Tower was pretty cool and the view was amazing but if you go forget about the trip to the very top... it is a let down. Just cruise to the mid level, it is cool and you save $$ and aggravation. And more French dooshbaggery!!!

We finished the day up w/ a nice boat ride on the river. It is a very pleasant way to see many sights and have a little down time. I highly suggest it if you are a tourist looking to see some cool stuff. A couple last highlights from Paris... The Eiffel Tower at night is really something. Try a macaroon... just do it! Pastries, cheeses, wines, baguettes... all amazing. Just cruise into little places along the streets, you will thank me for it.

Ok, I am exhausted again... next stop... Burgundy!!!!!

Jay About Paris! (Part 1)

I would like to say I am making my triumphant return and there will be a Arc De Triumph II raised just for me here in Burlington... but I am seriously jet lagged and feel like a deflated balloon. My special lady and I returned from our 10 day odyssey in France last night and let's just say it was great! While a great time it was not like a relaxing beach vacation, this was serious and we are tired. So I figure this trip deserves a little time and multiple posts, the first involving our time in Paris. Before I start let me dispel a bit of unpleasantness that would naturally come at the end. When you think of Switzerland you think of cleanliness, efficiency, chocolate... well the Airport in Geneva is inefficient, dirty, ugly, and looks like a Eastern Bloc Cold War reject. Scummy dudes doing construction on a falling apart piece of concrete. But they were showing number one new show... Miami Vice!!! We tried to return our rental car and were told we had to return it to the "French side" of the airport or pay 155 euros. That is like $260!!! to return the f*ing car to the other side of the f*ing airport!!! Stupid Hertz, of course they did not mention this when we rented the car, or picked it up in Paris. So we drive around for 10 or 15 circles and cross the French/Swiss border several times before finding a non descript side road that took us to the gross side of the airport. I could not have found that if the signs were in English!! On the bright side all of our flights were on time and United did us pretty solid.

OK, on to the good stuff. We hopped on a plane in Burlington on a Friday and had a very comfortable and on time trip to DC. We then had a timely but not so comfortable flight to Paris. 6 hours, my wife and I were separated and stuck in the middle of the middle of a 747. Not good times. On the bright side I was able to watch the new Transformers movie. Pretty good plane movie, dumb, fast moving, and a time killer. 2 plane-worthy thumbs up. The pasta dinner? yikes... 1 plane worthy thumb down!

We arrived in the "city of lights" at around 7am France time... so we basically found ourselves up super early, w/ no sleep, and no way to check into our hotel until after lunch... good times! Gunny thing was it was really dark until well after 8am. The day started great, it was quiet and we were able to stroll around in peace. We wandered around the Louvre and the streets around our place which we very nice and then headed North to check out Sacre Coeur. Then it started raining. We wandered aimlessly for a few hours getting rained on and more lost, and more cranky at each other as the lack of sleep set in. We did however stop at a nice little cafe and had our first delicious petite dejeuner. Espresso, croissant or toast, and freshly squeezed OJ. It really is a perfect breakfast. The juice and espresso were fabulous and seriously the croissants in France are as advertised. Out of this world. We found ourselves off the Parisian map, and huddled in a phone booth w/ a compass trying to figure out where we were?! Well, we finally found the church and it was amazing. What is really great about Paris is that the city is beautiful. All of it. Almost every building is wonderfully detailed and an architectural beauty. It is just old and detailed in a way that could not exist in a new world country like the U.S.. After that it was time to hop on the Metro and get to our hotel for a nap.

This is a good time to mention how awesome my lady is. She did the heavy lifting on planning this trip and nailed it. She picked amazing hotels, restaurants, and activities. Then, she toured us around Paris (I was lost in seconds and never really got my bearings), and then to top it off she translated for her oafish husband the whole time making everything a thousand times easier.

OK, so we stayed for 3 nights at the Hotel Verneuil on the Left Bank in Paris. Great location, clean (small) room, and decent service. The rates were very reasonable. 1 1/4 thumbs up... mostly for location and price. Needless to say we hit the bed and slept for an hour to get ourselves back to normal. After a rest we pulled it together and headed out to dinner @ Les Itinaires. Wow... my wife started w/ an amazing scallop cruto that was melt in your mouth delicious w/ an amazing delicate flavor. I had a potato soup that was light and subtle and also phenomenal. The mushrooms were cut so thin they disappeared on mouth impact! The entrees were good as well, but not quite as good as the apps. Ladybird had a solid cod with good flavor but a bit much on the plate. I had a chicken dish that was good and possibly great by American standards. The service was very good and the wine (white Burgundy as I recall) was out of sight. ! 1/2 french thumbs up... 2 American thumbs up. The soups and scallops were real highlights of our culinary experience in France. We were really able to turn day 1 around and make it a good day after a tough start. Go Team!!!

OK, I am a little wiped out... part two of Paris tomorrow!